In my clan, there is a particular food that is forbidden. It is made from certain seeds, and eating it is something my people strongly believe against. If you see it, you are not supposed to eat it or even touch it, lest you become tempted to try it. We grew up with this warning ringing in our ears, and our parents always made sure to explain the consequences of eating such food. They would often end their warnings with something along the lines of, “Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar.”
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In 2025, I met someone very special. We got along well, and everything felt right between us. I think I fell in love with her just a few days after we met. She was undertaking her National Service and staying in my neighborhood. That was how our love began.
Thankfully, she was retained at her place of posting, so our newfound love had the chance to grow. Once her employment was settled, we started planning our marriage.
Marriage was always going to be our destination. In a world where love has become a scam, when you find someone you genuinely love, you do everything possible to lock that person down.
Now, remember the food I told you about, the one people from my clan are forbidden from eating? A few months ago, I saw my girlfriend eating it. My heart skipped a beat, and I immediately remembered the days when my father or mother would tell us about the consequences of eating such food. It was actually the first time I had seen her eat it.
I sat her down and brought it to her attention. She told me, “Where I come from, we don’t believe in such things. It is used to prepare almost every meal in our tribe, so I don’t know what you are talking about.” That is fine, you eat it, but I just thought you should know it.
I found her eating the food again. She even offered me some, and I respectfully declined. Then she asked me, “I hope you won’t stop my children from eating it?”
That question woke something up in me because it brought up an issue we had never discussed before.
I am the man, and my children will inherit my traditions and beliefs. I am not going to have my children eat something that could bring consequences upon them later in life. If she doesn’t believe in it, that is fine, but my children are my blood, and I have a responsibility to protect them.
I let her know that my children would never eat that food. She thought I was joking, but I was very serious. I also made it clear that the food would never be prepared in my house.
Her facial expression changed from laughter to shock and anger. She called it unfairness. “You cannot impose your barbaric beliefs on me,” she called it barbaric.
I didn’t ask her to stop eating the food, and I don’t intend to ask her to stop; to each his own. All I am saying is that the food will not be eaten in my house and that my children will not eat it. If she wants to eat it, she can go out and do so.
However, if she is going to be my wife, I expect her to help me enforce my beliefs when it comes to raising our children because she will be with them for most of their lives.
My girlfriend kept arguing with me. I used my sisters as an example: if any of them got married to a man from a clan where eating the food was permitted, their children would be allowed to eat it because, in that household, it would be the man’s beliefs that prevailed, not the woman’s. That is how I understand things, especially when the woman’s beliefs do not affect the man in any way.
That argument happened a week ago, and since then, our relationship has not been moving as it should.
At this point, it is not even about the food anymore because I believe I might be willing to compromise as time goes on. What bothers me is the way my girlfriend spoke about my beliefs, as though they make no sense and should not matter.
Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?
To the extent of saying that I shouldn’t allow old traditions to come between us and that we should be civil about the whole thing.
I don’t think it is that simple. At the end of the day, as Africans, I believe those little beliefs, cultures, and traditions are part of what distinguishes us from the Western world.
—Desmond
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I totally understand your point because I’ve been there b4, when I met my boyfriend(now my husband), I asked him what he doesn’t like eating cuz I had heard a little about his tribe’s taboos, esp with regards to food, he mentioned a few, and those few were what I loved most. I started preparing our meals differently but with time, he encouraged me to try eating his food with him, slowly, now I only prepare meals according to his preferences and we eat the same foods.
I stopped eating the foods I thought I loved even b4 realising it.
I don’t know how this conversation went about but you don’t have to force her, gently explain what and what will be the outcome if you eat those foods and tell her she can prepare her own and prepare urs too differently. Don’t bring up the kids yet esp since you are not even married.
Who knows, she might be just like me and lean towards your side of the meals b4 the kids come. Don’t force her, I repeat don’t force her else b4 you know it she will add it to your own meals.
My clan taboo is dog meat (domestic or wild), and my family taboo is pawpaw. I told my woman about them, and she avoids them because she’s realized I don’t eat anything, even when we are invited to programs away from home, because I won’t know the ingredients. My sibling’s husband tried to bulldoze his way through this simple taboo, and he lost so much due to illness and the collapse of his business until a Komfo/pastor/prophet told him what he has done wrong….Give to Ceaser what’s his, and to Kwesi what’s his…The problem is with Christianized black folks who think the Semitic god has influence in Akanland
It is a taboo to eat snail and date palm according to my father’s. Mother’s side ate it but because of my father my mother never ate and by extension we never ate. I told my wife this but she was secretly feeding the kids with it. My brother be careful who you take home as a wife.
It very dangerous to take home a woman who will kill you.