My parents have been married for 20 years now. On paper, they appear to have the perfect marriage. They barely have problems. Maybe it’s because they don’t live together. I am sure if they did, my mum would have figured out that her marriage is not as flawless as she thinks.

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Or could it be that she knows who Dad truly is but has decided to look the other way? Maybe that’s why she agreed to live with us in a small town while my dad lives in the city because of his work. She barely goes over there. It’s my dad who visits us when he is free from work. Either that, or we kids visit him when we are on holidays.

One thing I learned about him over the past few years is that he is not a faithful husband. He has been cheating on her indiscriminately. How he manages to hide it from her is a miracle to me. I’m saying this because he doesn’t hide it from me.

I feel very disrespected on my mother’s behalf that he lives a double life. And I feel even worse that he involves me in his affairs. I am his teenage daughter yet he is comfortable around me enough to openly talk about his side chicks with me.

I don’t indulge him when he does this. Most of the time, I pretend I can’t hear him the moment he mentions his relationship with another woman who is not my mother. I do it in hopes that he would see my lack of interest in the subject and leave me alone. Unfortunately, it’s not working.

I am about to complete high school. After my matric certification, I would like to move to the city to further my education there. When I discussed my plans with my dad, he made it clear that I can’t live with him should I relocate to the city.

“I will let you live with Agnes. You Agnes, right?”

Yes, I know the woman he is talking about. She is one of his side chicks. It makes me uncomfortable, what he is proposing, but he says that’s the only way I get to study in the city.

“You have to promise not to tell your mother where you are living, if not I won’t allow you to study in the city,” he added.

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So now he is trying to make me an accomplice in his extramarital affairs. If I want to have the opportunity I am looking for then I must not snitch on him. How will my mother feel if she gets to know the truth one day and realises that I knew about his betrayal all along? Will she forgive me for keeping quiet and even living with one of his women?

I really want to study there so I can access better opportunities but I feel guilty about the conditions he has attached to it. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

—Rosa

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