My father died months ago after suffering from a stroke for many years. His illness not only stretched our finances. It also broke our family.

We were already struggling financially when he became bedridden. We moved from one hospital to another, visited herbal clinics, and tried everything we could to get him better, but nothing worked. My mother borrowed money from almost everyone we knew. When she became tired and could no longer cope, she disappeared from our lives, leaving me, the eldest daughter, at a very young age to care for my bedridden father and five younger siblings.

Two of my younger siblings had to take up menial jobs to support themselves. I also worked and stretched myself thin, trying to care for my father and the other three siblings. After senior high school, I learned a trade, which has become my main source of income.

My mother eventually returned, and some months later, my father died. In our tradition, the deceased’s children are expected to bear the financial burden of burying their father, and we were no exception. We worked hard and gathered money from wherever we could to give our father a proper burial. If we had not borrowed money, his funeral would not have been possible.

Before my father was buried, two months after his death, my mother informed me that she had met a man who wanted to marry her. She was very serious about it. Now, my dad and my mom were still very much together and had reconciled before my father’s death.

I asked her to wait until we had buried our father. She said, “He is very, very well-to-do. Maybe your father has sent him to us to replace him and help us. We can’t tell.”

Honestly, I thought she was joking. I laughed it off and forgot about it.

But some months ago, my mother gave me one of the most shocking pieces of news of my life. She was pregnant. She was one month pregnant at the time.

My father had barely been gone for a year, and our youngest sibling, the very last one, is only four years old. We are still struggling with the debts we incurred while taking care of our father and giving him a proper burial. Two of my siblings are working very hard to support the family.

Immediately after my father died, I started giving my mother GH₵1,000 every month, and I have not missed a single payment.

When my mother first told me about the man who wanted to marry her, she never mentioned him again. I assumed nothing had come of it and that the whole thing was old news.

Now, when she told me about the pregnancy, I asked her about it, and she said she was going to terminate it.

However, as I write this, she is still very much pregnant, and almost everyone around us knows that my mother is about to have her seventh child. Meanwhile, she said the man responsible wants her to have the baby, but she does not want to have it.

I cried when she first told me about the pregnancy because how? Like, how? And now that I have learnt she is still carrying it, I feel a certain kind of anger and disappointment that I cannot explain.

At the end of the day, I am the one who will have to bear the responsibility for her decision.

I have so many questions running through my mind. How are we going to manage everything? What will happen to my younger siblings? Will I be expected to take care of another child when I am still trying to build my own life? I have already five younger siblings, and I feel like I have become a second mother to them

Sometimes, I feel like moving out and focusing on myself, but another part of me feels guilty because I don’t want my family to suffer.

I love my mother, and I know she has her own life to live. But does that mean I should keep sacrificing my happiness and future, even when I am already exhausted?

What Caused The Breakup Between You And Your Ex?

Am I a bad daughter for feeling disappointed in my mother? Am I wrong for wanting to move out and finally live my own life?

I am tired of being strong for everyone when I also need someone to be strong for me.

—Asantewaa

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