We were in love. That kind of love that makes your heart gay and makes you do things as though there is no tomorrow. I remember that day very clearly. It was a pool party. I was wearing a bikini he picked and paid for me. I didn’t want to wear it because it was very revealing but he urged me on, “It looks good on you. Just look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? See curves. See body. This is what makes you the centre of attraction.” I didn’t want to be the centre of attraction. I was a shy girl—a shy girl in love with a man who will do anything to show me off to the world. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was looking like a model who was being paid to wear a dress. I was beautiful but very exposed. I pepped myself up, “The most important guy in my world likes it so why not?” 

I wore it happily and followed him to the poolside. I caught the eye of everyone. He was happy. I felt naked. As the party went on and people started drinking and dancing, they forgot about me. I took alcohol for the first time because he brought the glass to my lips and said, “Just a sip.” The scent was too strong for me but he insisted. I took a sip. And then another sip and then another. I was losing my balance. I was losing myself so I held on to the little awareness I had. But what I later realized was, I was no longer shy and was all over the place dancing. 

We went home when the party was over. It was very late so we went to sleep. The following day, we were going through the events of the previous night and how we enjoyed ourselves. We went through the photos we took and there was this particular one he had his hand on my bum, pressing it and we were kissing. It wasn’t a deep kiss but our lips met. We were like a poster for a telenovela show. I think it was the best picture we had that day. We both laughed over it and talk about how nice the picture was and how we naturally exposed our love to the world. It was his screen saver and it was my screensaver too. 

On my birthday, he posted the same photo on his wall and tagged me. I didn’t like it. I told him, “Please remove it. This is not something we should display in public. I’m almost naked. It’s not fine.” He always had a way of getting his way. He would play the love card and ask me why I’m trying to hide our love from the world. It makes it look like I wasn’t happy about our relationship and was trying to hide it. Anytime he hammered on that, I kept quiet and allowed him to have his way. So he didn’t delete the photo. The comments were exciting. Some obviously commented on how exposing the photo was. My friends asked me, “Is that the only photo he has of both of you? You two are giving us pressure.”

A year later, the relationship died. 

He cheated twice and I forgave him. The next person he took his cheating on was a very close friend of mine who saw our relationship as a standard for every relationship. This girl looked at us and wished she could have a relationship like ours but las, las, my boyfriend proved to her that what we had wasn’t special and it was as hollow as every relationship. I couldn’t forgive him for that so I walked away. He came begging. He told me he would do anything to make me happy. For several months he was pursuing me. If I didn’t know better, I would have given him another chance but I’d seen one too many so I was gone. When he realized I wasn’t coming back to him, he gave up but he told me, “Whenever you change your mind, I will be there for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

On my birthday, that photo resurfaced on my wall. He wished me a happy birthday again under the photo. I removed the tag and sent him a DM, “We are no longer together so I don’t know what the photo is doing on your timeline. Can you please delete it? I don’t like it.” He answered, “I knew you’ll be here. It’s you who left. I still love you and am ready to take you back. I’m a changed person. Why don’t you see that?” I told him, “If you’re a changed person then you can’t hold on to an old photo to get me back. Please delete it.” 

He didn’t do it. He rather used that as an opportunity to get back at me. He was calling me every day, texting and begging me to come back. I never did and he didn’t delete the photo. A year later, we were back again talking about the same photo. It was my embarrassment but he saw it as the last straw he could hold on to. I was getting angry. I even threatened a police case and this guy didn’t bother. He said, “That’s the only remains of us, the only relic that tells a story of our relationship. You know I still love you. Why don’t you forgive and let’s start again?”

I didn’t give in to his pressure. I saw it as blackmail. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. 

I found a new boyfriend, Alex. He’s different. He’s the kind of guy you take home and your parents fall in love with him. He has a great job and loved to lay low. If he would go out, it’s always somewhere exquisite, where responsible men would love to hang out. He’s not even a social media person—he’s too busy to play social media games but he has accounts on all platforms. Before we took off, I told him a lot of things about my past. I told him about my ex and how everything came to an end. He told me about his past too, his exes and other things he thought I should know. What I forgot to talk about was that picture that comes up every year. 

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I don’t know why it didn’t come to mind. On my birthday, it came up again because my ex reshared and wished me a happy birthday. Immediately I got the prompt I called him; “Why do you want to bring my life to an end because I was once involved with you? Is that how you treat someone you say you love? You’re doing something that’s hurting me. Every year we talk about it but you don’t listen. Is that what you call love?” His answer was, “I don’t know what is wrong with me wishing you a happy birthday each year. If you don’t like it I will stop.” I screamed, “Stop it! I don’t like it and that photo, delete it. Don’t you grow up? Are you the same person every year? Move on already because the world has moved on.”

I knew he wasn’t going to remove it because it’s the only thing that brings us together each year. Fortunately for me, Alex didn’t see it. I know he will have a problem with it, especially the comments under it and how this boy doesn’t want to let go. I don’t want it to get there. I desperately want him to delete that photo because it shames me and shames the current life I’m in. My friends say the police can’t do anything about it since it was posted with my consent and the photo also doesn’t show any form of illegality. 

What other options do I have to make him delete the photo? I don’t want to tell Alex until maybe all other options are explored. I will be embarrassed if Alex sees it and it will by all means change the dynamics of our relationship even if I tell him willingly and he asks to see the photo. What do I do?

— May

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