For the past two years, I have been dating this amazing woman. It has been a good experience. We have our good days and our bad days, but all in all, we thank God. We are both Christians and have been praying earnestly about the issue of marriage. So far, so good.
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But there is an issue that makes me very uncomfortable. It is how she is financially unable to sort herself out. I do not know if she is being stingy; you know, some people can be like that, or if it is something else. She comes from a family with about seven older siblings, who I believe should ordinarily share the responsibility for her upkeep. But honestly, I do not know what truly goes on in her family.
The main concern is this. Whenever she asks me for money and I am unable to give it to her, she goes deaf and dumb. My madam will not talk for days. She will not respond to calls or texts. Sometimes it can last for weeks. And when the silence finally breaks, she acts as though she does not owe me an apology for disappearing. She behaves like she is actually entitled to a percentage of the money I make.
On some occasions, I am the one who has to call just to make sure she is okay.
This behavior has happened more times than I can count. We can be getting all loved up, looking into each other’s eyes with so much light, being lovers, and then bam, as if some spirit enters her. When she asks for money and I do not provide it, all her power buttons switch off for me. She withdraws emotionally.
Meanwhile, if I dare surprise her with gifts or give her money, she joins the angels in heaven to sing Hail God. She is happy, all sweet and everything.
Recently, she did it again. Just recently. On the 30th of December 2025, she asked me urgently for money for something she needed. You know how money vanishes during this festive season. I was unable to give it to her. People, up till now, let me even count the days, six days now, she has not responded to any of my messages or calls. Not even one.
I am also a young man still trying to build my life. I am 28, going on 29. I do not come from a wealthy background, and I am working very hard to run away from poverty. I wish with everything in my heart that she would understand and work with me on this.
She is a tertiary student, and while I understand her needs, university can be pretty expensive. I believe her financial responsibility should fall heavily on her parents, the ones who brought her onto this earth, or even her elder siblings. Not with me, a child of God hustling, especially since I am not married to her yet.
I am very uncomfortable and confused at the same time. It feels like this relationship is based solely on what I am able to provide for her. It feels very transactional, rather than built on mutual support and understanding. Apart from our commitment and the promise we share as Christians, there seems to be little contribution or effort from her side.
As Christians, we maintain our boundaries. We do not engage in physical intimacy, and I respect that deeply.
However, it troubles me that when financial support is not available, she steps back and acts like a stranger.
I am struggling to understand whether this behaviour is a serious red flag or simply one of those challenges that can occur in relationships.
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I am probably thinking I am the wrong guy for her right now.
I am torn between staying and hoping things will improve with time and guidance, or walking away to protect my peace and future.
Please, I sincerely seek your counsel on this matter. Is this a red flag? Should I stay and deal with it with her? I mean, we are humans with flaws, right, or should I go?
—One
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One, count every day she’s avoiding you a million mile. Let’s say you are already 6 million miles apart. Why set yourself up for a heartbreak 💔 😞 Run 🏃♀️
When my close friend was going through this similar experience, I advised him to start parking emotionally because that relationship has no future. He agreed with me on the spot, but went back to sort the lady out
The money relieve the relationship temporarily, but it didn’t last when the subsequent ones happened . It drained him to exhaustion and when he finally let go, he was full of regrets for investing more when he was supposed to park and leave
This man like the one in the story knows the truth but the heart is stupid. You can tell him the hard truth but if she calls him today, he will forget all the bad advice you give him
Only time and more investment in this relationship will reveal it’s true colours
Happy learning my brother!
May I ask whether your head is made of wood? You know what you have to do..next time she asks ,refuse. And leave things as they are.
Simple .
6 days eh
Don’t text or call her again ohk. If she reaches out, don’t go back because it will happen again down the line
Allow things to die naturally and move on
You’re preaching about Christianity and not being intimate
A girl who needs money like that just to continue the relationship is likely sleeping with someone else providing her with stuff.
You can’t win this one
Let go
I honestly think you should sit here down and talk to her, you both are young and you are still trying to find your feet
Don’t let her drain you, she’s not your wife😒… if better too RUN.
To answer you, this is a very BIG red flag. Marriage magnifies whatever issue there is during relationship/courtship. I’m not mincing words If I say RUN.
Walk away
There’s no future for the two of you
Mark my words! If you continue with her, she will leave you once she’s done with school and starts making her own money or meets someone who will lavish her with monetary abundance.
This is simple, it is not rocket science