I started growing fat when adolescence knocked on my door. Everything happened so quickly I looked in the mirror and asked myself, “Who’s this?” Because I didn’t recognize the eyes looking at me in the mirror. Just yesterday I was that thin with barely nothing on my chest. And today, I had to struggle to fit into my loose clothes. My sister before me was thinner. My brother after me was thinner too.

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Adwoa Obolo became my name. My own siblings and my mom called me with the same name. Previously, I was Adwoa Kitiwa because there were other Adwoa in the house. To differentiate between us, I was called Kitiwa because I was younger. That changed to Adwoa Obolo. Sometimes they would add ‘Bo’ at the end to make it sound bad.

All those teases didn’t affect me much until my mother started her version. If she bought a new dress for me and it didn’t fit, she would insult me and ask, “At your age, look at your size. Your future husband will suffer papa.”

Another time, it was, “At this size, what sane man will take you home as a wife?”

Another day it was, “All you know is eat and get fat. That’s how you’ll run your husband bankrupt.”

The most hurtful one came later; “Your husband wouldn’t need to buy a mattress but he should pray you don’t fall on him. He will be a funeral announcement that very day.”

I was going through my teenage photos recently. I wasn’t that big. Maybe bigger than all kids around but I wasn’t so much to deserve those taunts from my mother.

I was eighteen and had started the university but I’d never had a boyfriend. Not that guys didn’t approach ooo but when they came, I thought they were teasing me or trying to get me and later dump me because all the things my mom said could come to pass.

In first year second semester, I gave love a chance. I said yes to Fiifi because he also had his own weight to deal with. I didn’t love him. I accepted him because he was just like me.

I was my own devil in that relationship. I nagged about myself and demeaned myself. I even asked him, “Are you not scared I’ll fall on you one day and you’ll become a funeral announcement?” He laughed at me but I didn’t laugh whenever I saw him with girls lighter than me. I sent him a message that it was over between us.

I sent one of such messages one day and the relationship indeed ended. The first guy I slept with, he had to turn off the light so the room would be pitch dark. I did it with him because I wanted him to know I was capable of intimacy regardless of my size. It went terribly wrong and he left me afterwards.

“Mom was right,” I said. “No sane man will pick a girl like me.”

I invested my time in my books and forgot about love. During my graduation, my mom was so happy she took hundreds of pictures with me. While going through the photos with me next to her, she said, “See how beautiful you’ve grown. What’s left now is a man to marry you. Bring him home.”

I laughed. I asked, “A man? Me? Whose son will carry this home?”

She was quiet. She asked, “Are you insulting me? Are you insinuating I gave birth to a despicable human? Your dad will hear this.”

My dad had been abroad but was coming every now and then. She told my dad and my dad playfully asked me about it. That evening, I poured out like a fountain. “She said it,” I retorted. “She said I didn’t deserve a man. She made me look like a thing on the borla that no man needed.”

My dad was calm. He told me, “When I met your mom, she was bigger than you. I loved her enough to marry her. When she started giving birth, she lost weight and never regained it. There are men like me who’ll die for your size. I’m not saying this because you’re my daughter but look around and you’ll find them.”

I’m married with three kids. I left my weight at the labour ward and didn’t pick it up again just like my dad prophesied. My husband shows me my past photos and says, “You were so fluffy I preferred to lie on top of you than on the mattress. What happened?”

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

My mom, I don’t blame her that much. We’ve had a conversation and she said things that suggested that she told me what she was told. She still doesn’t know why she said them but I do. She was just being an echo in the hill that traveled many miles before becoming inaudible.

She hasn’t apologized but I understand her and I’m grateful for knowing what I know about my family history. I’ll tell my daughter the same thing my dad told me. She’ll understand very early that love finds who it wants to find. Size doesn’t come in the way.

—Adwoa Vera

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