I started dating Monica three years ago. She sings in church. I play the drums. We met at practice every day, and when we closed, we went home together. Love grew slowly, like a flower growing from concrete, and because we were in the same church and didn’t want to start a fire that would later consume us, we took our time to understand the feelings in our individual hearts. When she said yes, I knew we both were ready to try something that would lead to forever, and for three years that has been our goal.

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Someone will ask why I haven’t married her after three years of dating. The answer is not straightforward. I didn’t have a good job when I met her. She also didn’t have a job. I was doing my national service and also relying on the little money the church paid me for my talent. She was helping out with her mother’s business. We had love and dreams but not money.

After my national service, life got harder than I thought it would be. I relied heavily on my parents and my elder brother abroad, Mathew. When I was in a ditch and needed a rope to help me get out, it was Mathew I called. He would usually send me a hundred dollars, and life would be stable for a while. Slowly, I got a job that paid me peanuts, but it was alright. There was hope for a better job in the near future.

With this new job, I was able to save something and also give a little to support Monica. It wasn’t that bad, but I wanted more from life than I’d already been given, and just last year God blessed me with a better job. In my mind, I’m starting life all over again, building my foundation, putting a superstructure on it, and then moving to marry Monica.

Monica has her own problem, which I think time will resolve. She doesn’t have a job. She said she wants a job before she can think of marriage, which I side with her on.

Just last year, my brother Mathew came to town for a holiday. My mom wanted him to go to church to thank God, but he didn’t bother until I convinced him to go to church with me one Sunday, and he did.

He was overly excited after church. He smiled a lot. He looked at his phone a lot and said things in an inaudible tone. I asked the reason for his happiness, and he said, “I sat next to one beautiful lady. I took her number. If she says yes to me, I swear I will marry her.” I retorted, “I pray she leads you to God so you come to church every Sunday.”

The next Sunday he went to church with me again, but he left early. He said he left with the lady he had found. I asked him to show me her picture, and he said he didn’t have any. The same thing happened the next Sunday. He came and then left early with the lady. This time he showed me a photo and, guess what, that lady was Becky, the elder sister of Monica.

I said, “No, bro, this is the sister of my girlfriend.” He screamed, “Oh really? Then that should make things easier. This is home affairs. From home to home.”

I brought his mind to the fact that we both can’t date two sisters from the same home. He called it archaic culture. I said, “This is not only culture. Everything speaks against it.”

I told Monica about it, and she said I should allow them because she knew her sister had a boyfriend, so the relationship with my brother wouldn’t amount to anything. I told my brother that Becky had a boyfriend. He said, “I will wait for her to tell me that.”

He proposed, and Becky accepted, when she knew very well that her sister was dating me. Monica spoke to her about it, but all Becky said was, “Time will tell.”

My brother left the country after his holiday visit. I believed the distance would kill their relationship faster than the fact that Becky had a boyfriend. They grew stronger. They talked every day. Becky celebrated my brother openly on her WhatsApp status. My brother did the same. He posted the photos they took while he was in Ghana and said beautiful things about their relationship.

I brought my mom into the issue. My dad is no longer married to my mom, but I brought him into the issue too. They’ve all done their part, asking my brother to drop the affair that is going on. Because of that, my brother doesn’t talk to me. He used to send money through me, but these days he sends it through a stranger to be given to my parents.

Just last week, I heard he’s preparing to come and marry Becky and had sent my parents to go and meet Becky’s parents. I told Monica about it and even suggested we should marry as soon as possible to get ahead of them.

Currently, the only thing delaying my brother is my mom and dad. They are trying to convince him to look elsewhere since I was there before he came. And for some reason, my parents have seen beyond the charade. They know Mathew is doing all that just to spite me, so they are taking their time.

I sent him a message days ago begging him to stop what he’s doing. I knew he wouldn’t answer, but he replied. He said, “I will never forgive you if I don’t get Becky because of you.”

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

Now it’s war. I’ll never forgive him, and he’ll never forgive me too. The only painful aspect is the involvement of my parents. They are scared Mathew will withdraw his assistance if they keep going against him.

Becky is also fighting against us in their house, convincing her parents to listen to her. Her parents are siding with her because she’s the elder sister. But we won’t stop praying, hoping God may act in our favor.

—Mantey

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