He asked me about my past relationship and why it didn’t work, and I told him everything. I was the one who was wronged, and I thought I deserved some sympathy, but after hearing my story, my boyfriend took the side of my ex, painting me as the Jezebel who didn’t want to support a struggling boyfriend.

So here’s the issue.

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I was in a relationship with a guy for six years. Since finishing senior high school, he has never worked. He calls himself a footballer with big dreams, the future Maradona. He talks about travelling abroad, getting signed by a major club, and becoming a household name. He’s been saying this for years, but the opportunity to be great has never come.

His dad lives abroad and keeps promising to come for him, and that’s the hope he’s holding onto with everything he’s got. But the dad never shows up. Meanwhile, this man wakes up thinking about football, sleeps thinking about football, and everything in between is football.

I’ve done my part. I encouraged him to find a job and still chase his football dreams. I even went out of my way to find him job offers, but he refused every single one. And the funny part is that he says he’ll only work in Tema. I don’t know what he thinks is waiting for him there, but every time I bring up the topic, it turns into an argument. He told me I can’t force him and that he’ll work when he’s ready.

He is 31 years old, and for the longest time, I’ve been the one carrying the weight. I’ve been feeding him, giving him money, and supporting him emotionally and financially. I was the reason he could still dream of football without working because I provided for his needs.

Eventually, I got tired. I couldn’t keep providing while he lazed around a dream that wasn’t working. I stopped pushing the issue just to avoid the constant drama.

Around that time, I met someone new on Facebook. We started talking, and eventually he proposed. It’s been five months now, and honestly, it’s been bliss. Because of him, I’ve come to know what I was missing while dating a guy with only football dreams. He makes loving him easy because he’s all that dreamer is not.

A few days ago, he asked me about my ex and how it ended. I told him the truth. I narrated the whole ordeal and explained how I supported my ex financially with my salary from my nursing job. I told him how his demands kept increasing to the extent he wanted a monthly allowance while doing absolutely nothing. How my ex claimed that other women take care of their boyfriends, so I should too.

I wasn’t painting my ex black. It was the truth. After saying everything, my current boyfriend’s response was, “You should have kept supporting him until he became successful. What will you do now if he becomes successful?” I answered, “I don’t care about him and how his life turns out in the future because I have you.”

My boyfriend didn’t take my answer very well. He kept insisting I should keep supporting my ex by giving him money whenever he needed it. So I asked him, “What have you done for your ex lately? Have you built her a house or even a container to live in?”

He said I had insulted him, so since then, he hasn’t spoken to me.

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It’s been three days now. I apologized that same night we argued and again the next day even though there was nothing to apologize about, but he’s still silent. I love him. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m stuck. I don’t know whether to keep apologizing or just let him go. And why should issues about my ex break us apart? That’s the part I don’t understand.

—Linda

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