My boyfriend’s mother likes talking. She can talk about everything that exists under the sun. Things that matter. Things that don’t need to be said. Other people’s businesses. Matters she should keep her nose out of. The moment she opens her mouth everything is fair game.

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It doesn’t bother me. I have someone like her at home so I understand that the habit of talking like that comes with age. Most of the time I don’t know what to say in response to her long talks. But so as not to come across as rude, I nod and smile. Sometimes I make expressions like:

“Eiii!”

“Ah!”

“Aaaah”

“Really?”

I do this to let her know that her sentiments about the conversations matter to me. If she enjoys talking then I enjoy listening to her.

My boyfriend on the other hand, doesn’t see things my way. Sometimes he gets upset when his mother is talking to me. “Don’t encourage her,” he would throw his hands up in frustration, “one day she will literally talk your ears off.”

Most of the time, I would just laugh and tell him it’s not a big deal.

Our relationship is long distance. Mostly I am the one who visits him when I get a break from work. I want to believe his mother seizes these visits to talk to me like she would her daughter. Maybe that’s the best way she can bond with me. And honestly, I feel connected to her because of how freely she speaks to me.

She has shared so many stories about their family with me. She has spoken about her life’s journey. Her struggles and triumphs growing up, how she met my boyfriend’s dad, her pregnancy journey, even my man’s childhood, everything.

Some of the things she says, I don’t understand but I listen with rapt attention. It doesn’t make me see her or her family differently. If anything, knowing their background helps me to understand my boyfriend better when it comes to certain things.

While I have come to believe that the woman doesn’t mind talking about everything, there are times she holds back. Mostly it has to do with her son. She tries to talk to me about him but she would either close her mouth and say, “Forget it,” or “It doesn’t matter.”

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The few times she came close to saying whatever it is, her son showed up, so she stopped talking and said, “Maame, I have to go. We will talk later.”

I am trying not to read too much into it but her sudden “hush hush” when her son shows up strikes me as odd.

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So far I haven’t seen anything questionable about my boyfriend. He is not perfect but he is an amazing man to be with. Our time together is usually peaceful. Nothing dramatic so far. I don’t think he is hiding anything from me. That’s why I keep wondering what his mother has been trying and failing to tell me.

The fact that he doesn’t like it when I spend time with her also doesn’t help. His reason is that she talks too much. Well, if I don’t mind why is he bothered? Now I don’t know if I should probe until the woman talks or if I should just let sleeping dogs lie. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

—Molly

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