My husband and I have been married for fourteen years. We have three children. I am eight years younger than him. I am very beautiful. Childbearing couldn’t bring my beauty down. I have an incredibly sexy body. Fourteen years of staying married to him couldn’t change the light God placed on me. I have all it takes to draw the attention of men yet my husband prefers looking at the nude photos of other women. He saves them on his phone and peeks at them every now and then. When I complain, he tells me, “I saved that photo long ago. I don’t even remember the person in it.”

These are the transparent lies he tells me when I catch him. Sometimes I recognize the girls. Most of them are girls who interviewed with his company. Others are sales girls of shops we buy from. He saves their numbers and follows their posts. When they post sultry photos of themselves he saves them. Because of this, I started taking sultry photos and sending them to him. If that’s what my husband wants then why not? Later I found out that he deletes the photos I send him. I asked him, “Why do you delete the photos I send you only to save those of other girls? Do you not find me attractive?”

His response was, “I can’t risk someone going through my phone and seeing photos of my wife looking like that.”

I strut around the house in my sexiest outfits. Sometimes I even walk around in my birthday suit. I twerk for him and he looks away. When I complain he tells me he is shy to look at me like that. This is a man who hits on girls everywhere he goes. He has the number of a cashier at a gas station we buy from. He has the number of a sales girl he buys bread from. He has the number of some of our previous maids. He texts them. One time I even caught him red-handed doing it with one of our maids. His defence was, “I didn’t enter. You caught us before I could go in.”

How can such a person tell me he is shy of looking at me twerking for him? He’s not shy standing cloth-less in front of the maid and those sales girls but he’s shy watching me do my thing.

I used to track his messages with the girls and confront him about it. Because of this, now he has perfected the art of hiding them. He had a habit of commenting on seductive photos of some of the girls on social media. He would call them names like, “Sweet angel.” Whenever I saw such comments on my feed, I will react to them so he’ll know I’ve seen the comment. With time, he stopped doing it.

I don’t understand why he does these things.

I am a woman with a high drive for shuperu so it isn’t that I withhold myself from him. If anything, he is the one who keeps himself away from me. When he has to do it, it’s so lousy I’m left unsatisfied. For all the time we’ve been married, we engage in intimacy less than four times a month. Why would he reject me and go lusting after other people’s bodies? What do these girls have that I don’t have? When I try to talk to him, he makes me feel like I’m making things up.

He would say things like, “What did I ever do to make you distrust me? I love you. What do you want me to do to prove it? You know everywhere I go and everything I do. Is that not enough?” Sometimes I get confused and wonder if truly it’s all in my head. It’s not in my head. I’m sane and I see what he does. I know he does that to mess up with my head.

One day he told me he was going to Tema with his friend. Later, I got a notification from the bank that he withdrew money at an ATM somewhere in Accra. I called him, “Why am I getting a notification that you are in Accra? You said you were going to Tema.” He said, “I decided to meet my lawyer before heading to Tema.” I wasn’t convinced so I called his lawyer to confirm his story. Immediately the lawyer answered the phone he said, “Good thing you called. I’ve been trying to get hold of your husband. Is he with you?”

That was my answer right there. I called his friend to ask about him and his friend told me he hadn’t spoken to my husband in two weeks. I called him immediately. I wanted to throw his lies right on his face. I called and called for several hours and he didn’t pick up. He came home late at night angry at me for calling his lawyer and his friend. When I asked where he went he said, “You are doing it again. You are trying so hard to accuse me of something. Why can’t you stop doing these things?”

He made himself a victim while I look on like a fool. He acted as if I was some crazy insecure wife who is always looking to pick up a fight with him. He does that every time I ask questions about his relationship with someone of the opposite sex. The truth is, I am insecure so sometimes when he talks like that, I start to think that he is right. I start to believe that I am overreacting.

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Ever since I got married to him, I don’t entertain men. I don’t even have male friends. I believe married women shouldn’t have male friends for the sake of peace in their homes. Now, I don’t believe in that anymore. My husband doesn’t mind entertaining girls. I’ve done all I could to shift his attention to me but the harder I try, the harder he pulls away from me.

One evening, I walked in on him finishing a phone call with a sales girl. The timer read twenty-six minutes. I asked him, “What were you talking about with a shop attendant for that long?” He said, “I am looking for a new secretary so I was asking her to help me find someone.” I shook my head and asked him, “Is that how people find secretaries these days?” He got defensive; “You are doing it again. You are looking for reasons to accuse me of something.” And that’s how he got me to stop pushing further for an explanation.

I am so tired of his attitude. I love him very much but he breaks my heart when he does these things. I have come to accept that he will not change. So, I have decided to be the change I seek.

I want to open myself up to men. I am not saying that I am going to cheat on him. I just want to entertain them. I will receive phone calls from them in his presence. I will befriend some of these men and form platonic relationships with them. I believe two can play this game. I won’t complain about him and the girls anymore. I will just start living freely even if it means allowing men to flirt with me. Hopefully, when he notices the change in me, he would know how it hurts to be on the other side.

What do you think?

—Queen

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