Before we became real friends, she was a friend on Facebook. We spoke on messenger for over one month without asking for each other’s number. She didn’t ask for my number and I didn’t ask for hers. I don’t know her reasons but I wanted us to build a solid friendship with free-flowing communication lines before anything else. It was working. When we both commented on the same thing in a Facebook group, she came into my inbox to ask why I said what I said. We’ll debate there until one throws in the towel.

I loved her forthrightness and the depth of her mind so one day I decided to level up our relationship. I asked for her number and she asked me, “Why my number? Is there anything you can’t say here?” I responded, “Your number because I think I’m ready to hear the voice of the person I’ve been chatting with all this while.” She didn’t say another word. She sent me her number right away and I called her. She was as lively as she was on messenger. After the phone conversation, she told me, “You have my number. Call me often or I’ll take my number back from you.” 

I called her in the morning and late in the night before we went to sleep. One night she asked about my love life and I told her, “I have zero love life. I go in and I lose. I’ve tried that three times in four years and it didn’t work for me so I gave up.” She told me, “Then you’re the bad person. All three women can’t be wrong while you’re right.” “Maybe I was wrong to them but when the right one comes along, I’ll be right for her.” 

“Are you the right person?” I asked her.” 

Is that a proposal?” She answered my question with a question. 

We both juggled our answers, tossing in emotions here and there. In the end, she said yes. We both hadn’t met physically but we’ve had a series of video calls to confirm our looks. Beauty wasn’t what I was looking for but I must admit Bertha is the kind of beauty that makes it easier for a man to fall in love. There’s nothing I needed in a woman that she didn’t have in extra. 

One day I asked, “Now that we’ve found love what are we going to do with it?” I was asking about the future but most importantly when we were going to meet. She answered, “We’ll fry it and use it to eat rice. Or you want fufu?” 

That’s Bertha for you, always trying to create funny moments within serious discussions. I asked her, “When are we going to meet?” She answered, “If you want to see me, write me a letter, requesting to see me and state the date you want me to come and see you. Once I get the letter, I’ll put it into consideration.”

She wasn’t joking. I had to write a formal letter and send it through Whatsapp before she could consider seeing me. In her response, she stated all the things she would like to do when she visits and asked me to do the same. “We ought to be on the same page before I make a two-hour trip to your place. I stated only four things; “We’ll go to exciting places together, we’ll spend a lot of time knowing each other very well, you’ll meet my friends and do any other thing you want to do.”

She came on the said date, and that was our first time seeing each other. 

She’s more beautiful in person than in the 2D image I saw of her while on a video call. She came on a Friday and spent the weekend with me. She didn’t want to share a bed with me because I didn’t write in the letter that I would. She wouldn’t allow me to see her nakedness because I didn’t state it in the letter. No hug, no kisses because it wasn’t part of the things I said in my letter. “Next time, learn to say what you want and make it clear. Don’t assume I’ll know your wants.” 

Three days and two nights together in the same room but we lived like a brother and his sister. The next visit was at her place. That too was the same. Nothing happened but her presence was worth it. I thought she didn’t like sex until marriage but since she asked me not to assume anything, I asked her, “Is that the goal? I don’t have issues if that’s the goal.” She answered, “I didn’t say that. if that’s what you want write it.”

“Is that your love language? To be written to on anything pertaining to love?

“I want evidence of your wants. Things shouldn’t just happen. It should come from demand and supply but we ought to know who demanded what and who supplied what.” 

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All my life in love, that was the first time I was hearing that. It sounded weird and funny at the same time. But, I did what she wanted so I could get what I wanted. One day I was bold enough to write sex in a letter. “I think we’ve come far enough to deserve that.” She answered, “You don’t have to give a reason. Just say what you want and you’re singing me reasons. Anyway, “I’m not ready for that. For the first time in our relationship, let me say no to you. Try again next time.” 

I didn’t rush it. It was a distance relationship so everything needed time and space to happen.   

We’ve been at this for close to a year. She comes to see me often and I do the same thing. I met her parents and siblings and she met mine too. If everything had gone according to plan, we should have been married but my parents didn’t like her because of her tribe. To me, it isn’t a problem we can’t resolve. It’s the reason why I didn’t tell her when my parents told me. But one day, I was with her when my mom came around. Immediately she saw her, she said, “I thought you guys had broken up. You’re still here wasting your time?” 

I had no option but to tell her what my parents had said. I also said, “You don’t have to take them seriously. They have no choice and no say in this matter. I’ll have the last word so stick with me.” I thought she was OK. I thought I had proved my love for her with my actions because, for the first time in our relationship, she allowed sex. I didn’t have to write a letter before she agreed. She only said, “I’m ready if you are ready.” 

To me, that was the happiest moment in our lives because I felt worthy of something that had been kept away from me since the beginning of time. 

She travelled back home and blocked me on all fronts. I used another number to call her and she told me, “Stop wasting your time trying to reach me. It won’t change anything.” 

Because of me, she lives with a friend. Her parents don’t even know where I can find her. I’ve been to her place three times since the incident but I haven’t been able to see her, let alone try to convince her. The frustration I’m going through now is my inability to reach her. Her workplace is a no-go area, she warned me. At least she should give me a hearing. At least she should believe me and see what will happen. My parents can’t dictate to me on this matter and I mean it but she won’t stay to see how it ends. 

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What do I do to get my woman back? We’ve been together for just over a year but I’ve learned a lot from her. I know deep in my spirit that she’s the one that’s why I’m convinced my parents’ archaic mentality can’t stand in our way. But…she’s not here to see me try and the way I see it, I’m losing her. What should I do to gain her trust? What should I put in a letter for her to believe that I will be with her until it ends?

—Donald

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