
I just discovered that my husband has a four-year-old child. We’ve been married for four years too, but before marriage, we dated for two years. To be honest, I didn’t think of him as someone who’d cheat. He didn’t have male friends, let alone female ones. He was always home. I had his room key, and he had mine. We could visit each other without informing the other beforehand. My phone had a password, but he knew it. He didn’t have a password on his phone.
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I bragged about his openness and the kind of gentleman he was. So at what point in our relationship did he impregnate someone without me knowing? It’s a heartbreaking story, and the more I think about it, the more I wish I could go back in time to say no to his proposal. He was dating me while seeing the other lady on the side.
According to his confession, he broke up with the lady long before we got married, but just when we were about to marry, she appeared with the pregnancy.
According to the lady, that wasn’t the whole truth. She realized she was pregnant but decided to keep it from him, thinking he would convince her to abort. When the pregnancy was three months along, she told him about it.
Even at that stage, she said my husband convinced her to terminate the pregnancy, and when she refused, my husband told her, “If you think that will make me marry you, then think again because I’m getting married very soon.”
This issue blew up. The lady’s family demanded compensation from my husband, and because they were trying hard to hide everything from me, they settled the matter quietly. So my husband’s family was aware of this but never did anything to make me suspect.
My husband even went ahead to do a DNA test, and the result was positive. He’s been sending child support all this while, even when the two of us sometimes had to rely on my meagre salary.
The cut is deep. The pain goes all the way to the bottom of my heart, where I kept him. He’s been apologizing and telling me not to punish him for something that happened before we were married. Even if I can forgive, the fact that his family played a part in this deception makes it difficult. I think differently about his mom now. His dad annoys me every time I see his face.
The anger in my heart made me want to leave the marriage as soon as the issue came up. But everyone advised me not to make a decision I’d regret later, so I held on, believing we could resolve our differences.
It’s been almost eight months since I discovered the truth, but I’m still bitter. I cry at night. When he told me a few days ago that he wanted the child to come live with us, I said, “OK,” and then added, “Once the child comes in, I’ll walk.”
I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It
I’m still here, married to him, but I can’t seem to let go of the anger. When I dream, I dream of a life without him. I find myself in a happy place where I get the chance to start all over again. We don’t have a child yet—that’s another long story to tell. I know what to do to end this marriage, but what I don’t know is how to free myself from this pain and anguish I feel every day.
— Juliet
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Forgiveness! That’s what you need to do to leak out all the pain and bitterness. It’s easier said than done, but nothing good comes easy. Accept the child as your own and reap the blessings that will follow. Your problem is that currently, you are thinking only of yourself, how your beautifully planned dream has been shattered. Well, life never goes according to our plans. They go according to, yes, GOD’S plan. If you are going sit there and blame everyone for your shattered dream, then I’m afraid you’ll miss out. You’ll never see happiness in your life. First you give, then you get. Take in the child, he’ll be the source of your blessings. A word to a wise…
I just don’t know what to advise, but why blame the parent?
I agree with Georgia. If you leave what Is the guarantee the next man won’t cheat ? All men are born from the same mother and it takes the fear of the Lord to make a difference. The grass Is greener where you water it. There’s fire burning everywhere so it’s up to you to quench it or leave to experience an extremely high fire which can’t be quenched. Lay down rules if nerd be ,seek therapy too.
I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you must feel. I would advise your first step to be forgiveness. Let that hatred go, or else, it will kill you. Note that forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation. Forgive and forget, not for them, but for you. Take some time apart from him and his family. You need space to think properly. I’m not going to tell you to leave or stay, that is a decision you must make on your own, in a stable mind. In you shoes, to be honest though, l would have walked. For him and his family to cooperate and do that evil against you…. is just heartbreaking. l would also advise you pray. Seek the face of God. Cast your problems upon Him for He cares for you. Sending hugs, love. I love you and may God lead you.
Forgive him for your peace of mind, but still leave. A man who can hide that from you so well can do anything. Besides, can you imagine taking care of your husband’s affair child? The people who are saying forgive him and stay wouldn’t say the same if it was a man writing this story
The fact that you see him everyday only adds fuel to the fire. I would reccommend a separation.. take time away from him and give yourself a chance to heal. From there you can make an informed decision on what you want to do next. Whatever decision you make now will only come from a place of pain and revenge and anger emotions that should be far from you in order to make a sober decision. Somethings you cant come from unscathed. Pray to God to take away the anger and betrayal you feel. with time the wounds will heal but leave a scar.
That gender is capable of anything so don’t be surprised
Don’t mind those saying what if you leave and the next person also cheats? Every relationship is a risk. No one walks into a relationship or marriage wishing for it to end in pain, but that is also no excuse to stay in a relationship where you can’t trust the other person because of their deceit. My issue is even his family. If they were willing to collude with him to blindside you before you got married, what shows they won’t do it again if another issue comes up while you are still married to him? How will you deal with his family maybe gaslighting you into staying in a situation they may not advise their own daughter to stay in? You are someone’s daughter too. So consider all of these carefully before you decide. Agreeing to have the child under the same roof with you will keep reminding you of the deceit plus any other drama from the baby mama. People will talk about you, not in a positive light. Leaving too will bring drama and people will still talk about you. His family won’t he happy and he won’t be happy either. But at least you can start afresh without the drama and lies in the background. Choose what you think is best.
I agree with Kekeli. In all always choose yourself first. Love and light