I got married two months ago and I’m already feeling deceived. What I’m going through currently isn’t what I anticipated when I agreed to get married to the man I’m with today. I feel disrespected in my marriage and somehow feel manipulated. From the beginning, he made things look easier. He made me feel like I’m in a relationship with the best man every woman could dream of. He was caring and simply wonderful but that didn’t put my fears to bed.

I told him all my fears and the reasons why I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship. He was calm and collected when he gave me the assurance that everything was going to be alright. I trusted him so I fell in love with him. I cannot remember exactly what happened that made me fall in love or what exactly happened. I woke up one day and I was in love with him.

When we got to the point where marriage was the obvious step, we discussed it. We put heads together and agreed on what to do.

During our counseling sessions, I nearly called off the wedding ceremony so we could just go to court and sign the marriage certificate and come back home. This is what happened.

Somewhere along the line, this woman appeared from out of nowhere in my husband’s life. My husband called her his best friend. I didn’t worry too much because the woman was also married. When we were preparing for our wedding, I realized this woman was the one suggesting the kind of vendors we should hire for our wedding. My husband seemed to agree with her without consulting me. It was my wedding, so I wouldn’t sit down for someone to dictate who I should hire and who I should not.

So, I started canceling all the names of the vendors this lady suggested. Even if I’d picked a vendor already and this woman also suggest the same vendor, I will just pick a pen and cancel the name of that vendor. I didn’t want her to have anything to do with my wedding. We had a very small wedding ceremony. I could even count on my fingers the number of people who came to the wedding because of me. I’m not someone you will call ‘people’s person’ so it was alright for me.

During our honeymoon, this lady my husband calls ‘bestie’ didn’t give us a space to enjoy our honeymoon. She’ll call my husband pretending to be checking on him and these two would end up talking for hours on end. When we came home from our honeymoon, it got worse. This lady could call my husband twenty times in a day and none of their calls lasted for less than thirty minutes.

My husband doesn’t have much time on his hands because of work. He’s the busy type and because of that reason, I try to maximize every little opportunity I get with him. But this bestie wouldn’t allow me to shine with my own husband. Every little time my husband gets, this lady would like to fill it with her incessant calls. Some days she talks to my husband until he falls asleep on the phone.

Because of that, my husband is basically not interested in my existence anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he knows I exist after all. I cry sometimes. I’ll get moody all day and my husband wouldn’t notice the change in me.

Obviously, this wasn’t what I signed up for when I agreed to marry him so I decided to talk to him about it. He said, “You should have let him know that you weren’t comfortable with my friends.” I told him, “I keep telling you that I’m okay with every one of your friends because they respect our privacy except this lady. She wasn’t in the picture when you were chasing me all over. So, at what point did she come in? Where did she come from that she’s filling up all the spaces in your life?”

I think about the whole situation and ask myself, “When does this lady get the time to talk to her own husband since she’s always on the phone with mine?” She doesn’t live with her husband so I believe every least opportunity she gets should be invested in communicating with her husband but no. It’s my own husband that she fancies talking to.

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I cannot even crack jokes with my own husband. Recently he told me, “You don’t look like the lady I met some time ago and fell in love with. I’m not feeling the old vibe.” I said in my head, “How will you feel me? You gave me all your attention when we met. We had real conversations and had good times together. What do I get now? Nothing. Just bits and pieces of attention here and there. How would you feel me?”

All the fears I had before committing to this had come to pass right before my eyes just two months after marriage. This is what I was trying to avoid when I said I wasn’t ready for commitment. Because of issues like this, that’s why I wanted to be single and roam free. Then he came in so hard at me to make me fall in love and settle with him. And when I thought love should come freely, he dropped me hard on the floor.

Just these few weeks, I’ve wept and seen myself feeling depressed. It’s just 2months of marriage but I regret ever accepting to go into this marriage business. And as for that female bestie who does not think about her fellow woman, I wish her well. She should keep up her work. Someday, her cup will be full.

And to my husband, I have decided to let him be because I’m tired of complaining. From now on, I will not bother to come home from work early just to make him feel welcomed. I’ve already made a tear on my marriage certificate. He can keep his phone conversations as companions. I will equally build friendships outside but one day when this crack finally breaks what we have, I will just walk away without looking back. My happiness counts.

–Akua

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