Most people come to Facebook to do business. Others come to explore and display their talents; comedy, writing, acting, designing, and others. And there are some who just like to show everyone that they are having an awesome life, even on days they are not. And then there are some of us, who go on there to find love. This is not to say that we showed up thirsty and desperate to find someone who will make us feel whole. No, that’s not what we do. We are just open-minded enough to accept that love can be found anywhere, including on Facebook. It is with this openness that I replied “Hi” to Lazarus’ “Hello” on Facebook five years ago.  

He was not the first man to slide into my inbox to initiate a conversation, but I suppose he was the smoothest one. I don’t even remember what he said to get me hooked on him. The next thing I knew was, we were communicating day and night. He became like a vitamin to my heart. A day without talking to him felt like a day wasted. He also shared in my strong attraction to him and in no time, we were in a relationship. It was a very peaceful and happy relationship. He did all the right things and said all the right things. Being with him felt like what I imagined walking on the moon will feel like. There was this constant state of high and intoxication that accompanied his presence. 

We were truly happy until there was a sudden shift in his energy. He started disappearing on me for days, and then feed me lies when I asked where he went. Initially, I thought he was going through some personal problems, and he would probably go back to the man I fell in love with, as soon as he was okay. However, it wasn’t the case. He had just become this whole new person who didn’t care if his actions hurt me. I complained several times but everything I said fell on deaf ears. So, I got tired and decided to leave the relationship. By then we had been dating for over two years, but I didn’t mind leaving it all behind and starting over. 

It happened that just when I was about to tell him that the relationship was over, I found out that I was pregnant. I didn’t want a situation where my baby’s parents would be broken up before he would be born. So I swallowed my unhappiness and continued with the relationship. When I told Lazarus about the pregnancy, there was no question about what we were going to do about it. We just went ahead and kept it. He stood by me financially and did his best to make me comfortable until delivery. Ever since I gave birth to our son, Lazarus performs his fatherly responsibility financially. But that’s all he does. He puts money on the table, but wouldn’t lift a finger to do anything else around the house.  

We don’t live together, but the baby and I spend a lot of time at his end. And when I am there, he expects me to cook, clean, and do his laundry. Even if he has a lot of time on his hands to do those chores himself, he wouldn’t do them. When I complain he would tell me, “I have done my responsibility as a man by providing for your needs. I did it without any complaints. So why can’t you also do your womanly responsibilities less grudgingly?” He doesn’t care that dealing with the baby alone is a full-time job on its own. Our son is currently two years old, and I am working and schooling, yet Lazarus still wouldn’t help out with chores. 

The situation is so stressful that I proposed, “We are mostly here all the time, so I think it would be best if we move in. That way we can combine our efforts and take care of our son and give him a family.” He just shook his head and told me, “No, I am not ready to settle down yet.” I explained to him that I am not asking that he marries me immediately. I just want us to live together for the sake of our child, but he still said no. I spoke with my mother about his behaviour and she said, “Pay close attention to him. He is probably doing that because he has another woman on the side.” It was a painful thing to think about but I thought of the possibility and decided to keep an eye out for any side chick hovering around my man. 

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Just recently, I was going through his phone when I saw a chat between him and a certain girl. From all indications, they were dating. And the part that got to me the most was when he promised to marry her. To say that I was deeply hurt is an understatement. I have been with him for five years and we have a child together but he wouldn’t let us move in with him because he said he wasn’t ready to settle down, yet here he was promising to marry someone else. I was angry for a while, but I told myself that it doesn’t matter. I will continue to stay with him and bear the pain for the sake of our child. I grew up without my father, so I don’t want the same thing for him.

So far, I haven’t asked Lazarus about the other woman. I am playing along till he gets tired of his act and comes clean on his own. Is it wrong for me to think this way? Please I need help, I am very confused.  

—Elsa

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