I am a thirty-four-year-old woman who has been married for the past eight years with two beautiful children. Baby number three is on the way as I write this. My husband is a wonderful man who would do anything to bring me and the kids happiness. In fact, sometimes he sacrifices his convenience to achieve this. Because of this, he is like a superhuman to the children. They look at him the way mortals look at gods, and I love him for the things he does to earn their adoration.  

Apart from our children, everybody else who comes into contact with him loves him instantly. Some people coo and aww when they see the way he treats me in public. My family also adores him and continually showers him with praises and blessings; “You are such a wonderful husband to our daughter, Kojo. We see how well you take care of her. And the joy that she displays tells us that she is a happy woman. God bless you for all your efforts.”  

Some of my friends who have seen us together wish he was their husband. I have often heard them say, “My husband is such an insensitive man, if only he were a little bit like your husband, I would be very happy.” “My husband has no romantic bone in his body. I wish he would behave like your Kojo, in that department.” “My husband has anger issues. He is always shouting at me at the slightest opportunity. I have seen you and Kojo handle disagreements in such a civilized and respectful manner. Oh, how I wish my marriage is like yours!” 

In the eyes of my wonderful friends, family, friends, and children, my dear Kojo could do no wrong. And I also used to think that way until I caught him cheating on me. I was shocked, hurt, and angry. And Kojo? He was pitiful; a sight of remorse and “Please forgive me, I won’t do it again.” He was so sincere in his pleas that I forgave him and trusted that he wouldn’t do it again. Oh, but he did it again, and I caught him again, and he begged for forgiveness again, and I forgave him yet again. And then it happened again another time. This has been the pattern in our marriage for all these years. I have lost count of the number of women I have caught him cheating on me with, in the eight years we have been married. I always forgave him for the sake of the kids. They think he hangs the moon and lights the sun. and I don’t want to ruin that for them. 

Things have been quiet for the past year. I haven’t caught a whiff of him getting involved with another woman. He did promise that he was a changed man, but he had made and broken similar promises in the past. So when I realized there was nothing going on, I felt maybe he was just working hard at covering his tracks. To set my mind at ease, I went through his Facebook chats scrutinizing every conversation, until I came upon a chat between him and an old classmate of mine. This lady is married with two children, and I had no idea she and my husband were friends. None of them gave me any indication that they were. So, I got suspicious and read all their conversations. 

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It turned out they were in a relationship for three years. At first, it was only over the phone, because the lady lives in another region. However, one day they met and slept together. According to their chats, they admitted that what they did was wrong, and should never happen again. So, they broke up but still remained good friends. I was so heartbroken by what I read. I must confess, I have been hurt each time I caught him cheating but this level of pain I feel is more intense than the others, even though their affair is not a current one. I confronted the lady, and she initially denied them having shuperu. But when I sent her the evidence, she immediately replied; “Please forgive me, the devil got into me. That’s why I did it.” As for my husband, he has been grovelling and begging for forgiveness for some time now, but this time around I can’t.  

I don’t know if it is because we both know the lady or because she is a married woman, or maybe I have just had enough. For whatever reason it is, I don’t have any forgiveness left to give him. I have been sad and I don’t know what to do. My instincts are telling me to leave him because he will never change, but I take a close look at my kids and don’t know how to take them away from their father. What will you do if you were in my shoes?       

—Nana

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