Due to my past experiences with men, I made a decision to stay away from them. It wasn’t one disappointment that scared me away from them. I had opened up myself to love many times, only to be lied to, cheated on, and played. I gave them my all but in the end, I was not good enough. Although they made me feel inadequate, none of these men ever wanted to let me go. I am the one who always got tired of being mistreated and then moved on.

When Donald came along, I didn’t pay much attention to him. I treated him like the way I treated every other man out there. The only difference was that Donald was not deterred by my cold attitude. He handled everything I threw at him with grace. When it came to situations that required him to throw up his hands in the air and give up on me, he wouldn’t.

He would stand next to me and say, “I am not that easy to get rid of. You are worth the fight so I will continue fighting for you.” This is how he gradually swept me off my feet. I allowed him to get close to me because I believed he was different. He said things like;

“There is someone for everyone.”

“Everyone has a soulmate.”

“When you meet the one, you will know.”

As our relationship progressed he told me I was the one for me. At this point, I too believed he was my soulmate. We understood what we meant to each other so our relationship was purposed toward marriage. By the time we were eleven months together, we were married.

We work in the same organization, so we are not allowed to work in the same branch. My branch is far from his so we don’t live together. I work on Saturdays while he doesn’t. This means that I don’t have the luxury of time to visit him often so he is the one who always comes around.

After some months of marriage, my husband started complaining. He said, “You don’t satisfy me sexually. Your performance is nothing good to write home about. Try and level up so we can have good times together.” Every time he made such utterances, I felt confused. This is because he knew I couldn’t stand too much sex before he married me.

I also felt he wasn’t getting his priorities right. Ever since we got married, we have been trying to conceive but our efforts have been fruitless. I believed instead of obsessing over my poor performance in the bedroom, we should focus on solving our fertility problems. My difficulty in getting pregnant is something that gives me headaches currently and sleepless nights.

We have been married for four and a half years but we still do not have a child. I am worried about this. I am going around looking for solutions to our problem. I am taking all kinds of medications and praying fervently for a miracle. My husband, on the other hand, does not seem to be moved by our predicament. He is living his life as if everything is okay.

READ ALSO: He Desperately Wanted To Marry Me Until I Gave Him A Place To Live

I discovered recently that he has been cheating on me all this while I have been busy working on giving him a child. I am broken and shattered. I feel so stupid and used. I saw the signs but I was too distracted to put it together.

These days, I am revolted by his mere presence. I see his face and all I feel is disgust. I don’t want him to touch me anymore. He has sullied our marriage bed by committing adultery. That’s something I cannot easily sweep under the carpet. I still want a child but I cannot stomach the thought of being intimate with him.

Did Marriages Last Longer In The Past?

Of all the men who have betrayed me, Donald’s hurt the most. I have been nothing but a supportive wife. I have helped him financially to acquire properties. I have done everything a wife is supposed to do to keep her husband happy. If none of it prevented him from cheating on me, I want to withdraw all my assistance to him.

I am not ready to leave the marriage, so I am just going to love myself more. I will live my life on my own terms. I will not allow him to turn me into an angry and bitter woman. That’s not who I am. I am sharing my story because he is on this page. I know when he reads this story, he will know that I am talking about him. So I want him to see it and know that I know everything he thinks he is hiding from me.

—Dela

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