My husband has been like this since we started dating. I thought becoming his wife would change things a little bit but nothing has changed. If anything, it’s gotten worse than I thought it would be.

He’s a great guy in bed. I would give him that. He knows where to touch and where to wander and where to tread. My problem with him is after-care after we’ve had great intimacy.

To me, intimacy is not all about sex. There should be more. There should be something we do to feel connected, to celebrate our oneness. These things are very cheap but my husband finds it very difficult to give.

Right after intimacy, I want him to continue touching me, cuddle or say something to me. We can lay in bed for several minutes talking about everything but nothing—you know, those sweet nothings. We can be in each other’s embrace until we fall asleep together. To me, these moments are more precious than the physical act of sex. It tells me I have a romantic relationship with a man who finds me worthy to be his better half.

Right after intimacy, this man will jump out of bed as if he’s being pursued with a knife. He would enter the bath, wash down and the next moment, he would be snoring next to me. When I hug him from behind, he would tell me, “Your skin is too warm it’s causing me to sweat.” When I hug him from the front, he would tell me, “I can’t breathe. Do you want me to suffocate and die?” When I bring up a topic, he would shush me and say, “I’m tired. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

He doesn’t want to do anything right after that. He discards me like the way he discards his boxers after wearing them and this makes me feel like a woman he picked from the street whose role is to only satisfy him in bed and nothing else.

Currently, it feels like a chore when I have to do it with him. Honestly, I don’t feel like doing it with him any longer. He doesn’t even want to talk about it because, to him, there are bigger issues to talk about than this. Am I asking for too much as a wife? If not, then where do I go from here to get a result or at least get him to change a little bit for me?     

—Sylvia

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