I have a lot of men in my life who keep telling me they want to marry me. They are handsome, financially stable, and seem like decent people—the kind the tabloids would list as eligible bachelors. I don’t know if they are talking to other girls, but they’ve made it clear they want me.
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I haven’t been able to take any of these men home because I am not ready for a relationship, let alone marriage. I want to be financially independent before I venture into the world of love and its related drama. Yes, even though I have never had a boyfriend, I have read enough stories to know that where emotions are involved, one or two dramatic situations would sneak in.
Because I have chosen to keep to myself, I live quite a dull life. If I am not at home or work, then I am at my church.
Sometimes, when I’m with people and they talk about crushes and love, I imagine how it would feel to have such feelings for someone. Most people don’t believe me when I say this, but I don’t have feelings for anyone. It hasn’t happened—not for a man and certainly not for a woman.
The way poets describe it sounds sweet. They talk about hearts beating at abnormal rhythms, butterflies in the belly, and tingles up the spine. It all sounds so magical, but I don’t know if it feels that way because, all my life, I have never experienced any of those things for anyone.
My parents say they don’t understand why, at my age, I have never introduced any man to them as someone who wants to marry me. We argue a lot because of this. I tell them, “I am not even 25 yet. What’s the rush?” They tell me it doesn’t matter. The last time we got into it, my mother said, “I had your father when I was your age, so what’s your excuse?” Guys, I am only 23.
Just the other night, I was in the kitchen cooking with my mum when she said, “Some people have refused to be in a relationship, yet they advise others who have partners.”
I knew she was talking about me, and it made me so sad.
Among the men vying to rule my heart, there’s one I was likely to consider. He lives quite close to us, and we talk a lot. I met him last year, and he hasn’t relented on his proposal since that time. Because of what my mum said, I called and told him, “I have thought about the anthem you’ve been singing since I met you. I want to give you a chance.”
He was excited. He asked that I meet him the next day. I did. We had a fun time and went to his house. I couldn’t stop admiring how beautiful and spacious it was. His interior décor revealed that he has exquisite taste.
While I was in the living room looking at the paintings on his wall, he went into the bedroom. Before I knew what was happening, this guy walked back into the living room wearing his birthday suit. No stitch of clothing on his body.
I couldn’t even hide my shock. I had never seen a man’s joystick until that day. The data in my brain finished. I couldn’t even process my thoughts.
He acted as if nothing was amiss as he walked casually and came to sit next to me. Me, I couldn’t maintain my composure. It was all too much to take in. I started shaking like a live fish in hot water.
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To my horror, he took my hand and placed it on his thing. “Jesus Christ of Nazareth!” I screamed. I didn’t even know when I jumped up and took to my heels.
I am pretty sure I ran faster than Usain Bolt. I didn’t stop until I was safely at home.
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Since then, anytime I get flashbacks of the moment he made me touch his thing, I feel sick to my stomach. My body has been hot since that day.
Because of this experience, I have decided I won’t even bother dating anymore. I will remain single until I turn 25. Maybe by then, I’ll be mature enough to endure all these things. My question, though, is: was my reaction to his thing normal? Even now, the way I feel sick when the image comes to mind—is it normal?
—Chidi
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You are most likely aromantic, and you can look it up. It refers to people who don’t feel the desire to be in relationships. What that man did was weird, and it’s a good thing you went home, but at the end of it all, you are only 23, so just focus on yourself and don’t give in to pressure until you feel ready, or you’ll land in a lot of issues in the name of picking a partner.
Yes. What he did is totally condemnable. Most men and women nowadays are morally depraved and that man took it too far.
Since you claim to be a virgin, i sincerely pray you hold onto your pride and dignity unitil marriage. Don’t visit them alone and don’t spend a night with any man except ur husband.
u did the right thing by leaving the room but u need to work on your sexual life. At this age you need to experience sexual desires, while you ignore it and live chaste until marriage. If nothing like this happens to you then seek for medical care else your husband will suffer
It’s inexcusable for anyone to spring such a weird surprise especially on a first date. Your reaction is not out of the ordinary. You were traumatized! Be careful about accepting invitations to a man’s house until you are comfortable and confident of your security. Don’t dwell too much on sex. It is usually overrated. It is only fulfilling as an expression of pure love for your partner. Patience! Improve your social life. Attend social gatherings and make more friends. Love will find you!
The Jesus Christ of Nazareth part got me rolling on the floor. Stay safe out there dear and don’t allow anyone to make you feel pressured. You are very young and have a long way ahead to experience those feelings if it doesn’t happen to it’s fine some of us just don’t have feelings.