I have been married to my husband for the past eight years. We have two amazing daughters together. And I have been trying everything possible to make my marriage work for the sake of my girls, but right now I am tired. My husband and I argue all the time. Sometimes the arguments get so heated that I tell him, “I am so tired of this marriage. I wish I was single.” And instead of taking me seriously, he tells me; “You are a grown woman, so act like it and stop being immature.” I admit, there’s quite a remarkable age gap between us. I am twenty-seven, and he’s thirty-six. Due to this, he refers to all my concerns in the marriage as immaturity. It doesn’t matter what I complain about, he would say I am being immature, or that I am exaggerating.
What I don’t understand is why he got married to me if he thought I was immature. When he proposed that we get married, he was in a financial bind. This resulted from a loan he took for his mother. It was meant for a business but things didn’t work out so the debt became his to pay. I knew this about him but it didn’t bother me. I loved him so I was determined to stand by him through his challenges. After our marriage, eighty per cent of the responsibilities fell on my shoulders. I took care of everything; food, bills, clothes, and housekeeping.
By the time we started having kids my husband was still knee-deep in debts, so I bore the responsibility of taking care of them too. Up until now, we are both government workers but I earn more than him so I am still in charge of eighty per cent of our expenses. He just gives me a small amount of money at the end of every month, and I handle the rest. And sincerely, I am not complaining, and I have never complained. This is something I do joyfully because I believe that if I support him with my all, he will someday make it.
My problem with him, however, is that he does not assist me with house chores. He closes from work before I do but he would rather spend time on his phone than feed our kids before I get home. When I complain he would tell me, “Is it because you earn more money than I do that you want to turn me into a house boy?” I don’t understand him. What is wrong with assisting your partner take care of your kids? How does that turn one into a house help? When I ask him these questions he tells me I am being disrespectful, or that I am insolent.
On days he doesn’t go to work he would spend the entire day with his friends, while I would go to work and return to meet the house unkept and the children hungry. No matter how many times I address the issue, he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. As if that’s not enough, he denies me shuperu. I keep myself clean and in shape so it isn’t that I am not physically attractive. Sometimes people don’t even believe me when I tell them that I am married with two kids. That’s how well I keep myself, yet I have to beg my husband to touch me. He would rather watch adult films and pleasure himself than make love to me, his beautiful wife.
READ ALSO: My Wife Is The Reason Why I’m Cheating In This Marriage
I love this man very much but I am tired of his behaviour. Most importantly, I am tired of the way he dismisses me when I try to address our issues. All he says is, “There is nothing wrong with our marriage, so stop being dramatic.” I would have involved our pastors but now he has stopped going to church. Whenever I try to encourage him to go to church with us he would get angry, “Stop trying to boss me around. I will go to church if I want to. After all, it’s between me and God.” And then we end up quarrelling. Sometimes when he is doing all this I look at him and think, “You cannot even boast of GHC1000 in your account, yet you won’t humble yourself and serve God properly. How can you be blessed?”
I am truly not happy with the way my marriage is but how can I change things? I don’t want my daughters to grow up thinking that it’s okay for a woman to toil all day in the boardroom, and then come home to single-handedly take care of the home and make sure that everyone is okay before attending to her own needs. I want my daughters to grow up in a home where marriage is all about partnership. No unnecessary ego, or toxic masculinity getting in the way. Am I being too much of a feminist for wanting this kind of marriage?
Is my husband right by implying that I am exaggerating our problems? I am also wondering if I am being disrespectful when I ask him to assist me with house chores. Because I am thinking that if all these concerns make me immature then this marriage thing is not for me. If all my efforts to get him to see reason fail, then I might file for a divorce so I can enjoy singlehood.
—Pat
Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]
NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG
#SB
marriage is having a companion not having a slave and at least when it comes with things of his own daughter i.e feeding taking care of them should not be his headache …Please for my opinion helping you out with some house chores sometimes is not bad
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a husband helping out with house chores. Responsible men prioritize the mental health and the general well being of Their family, and that include doing domestic work to lessen the burden at home. His ego is getting the best part of him. It’s unfortunate he is allowing himself to be thought.
Some want supportive wives like you, but ain’t getting it, others have it and are failing to appreciate her.
The only time your husband will appreciate you will be after you are long gone. It will be too late. I hope he realizes it before it happens.