If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

Sometimes, in the heat of our troubles, we convince ourselves that we’ve learned a lesson so we won’t go back to our old ways again. We try everything to convince ourselves that we are changed people until one day, something happens and draws us back to the places we’ve vowed not to go. My story was shared long ago but if you still remember, you’ll realize that I tried my best to stay away from married men. While I was still trying my best to avoid them, it looked like they had a special radar on me. I turned left and I met them. I turn right and they were there looking at me. I turned back and those I said no to were there calling me to come back to them. It’s hard when you are surrounded by the things you’re running away from me. 

 Phil didn’t stop pursuing me. He thought he could get back to me by showering me with expensive gifts. He sent gifts my way every day and I collected them. He said, “So won’t you say yes to me? I’m sorry about what happened that night. I should have exercised constraints. I should have honored our date before leaving you stranded. I accept my mistake. Why don’t you temper justice with mercy?” I answered, “You did nothing wrong. You did what every honorable man would do for his wife. I’m not the one you vowed to be with. She’s the one so you’re not wrong for leaving me. I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to start again.” 

The following morning, he sent me a very long message. He concluded, “You’re my sane escape. When things get tough and I needed a place to hide, it’s you who provide that hiding place. Without you, I’m exposed. Life is tough.” I didn’t respond. When he started pushing me with force to accept him back, I told him, “I’m in a committed relationship now. I have my own and I’m determined to build it. Finally, I’ve found the one who will leave everything and everyone and run to my side. Don’t you think it’s fair that I also dedicate my all to him?”

He contacted me less and less until I went the whole week without his call. I did the sign of the cross and told myself, “The storm is over now.”

Afful was in the dark trying to get me to say yes to him. I was very careful. I wanted to know the three dimensions of him before saying yes. I got to know where he lives to be sure that he lives alone. I went to his workplace and met a couple of his colleagues to ensure that he wasn’t married. When I was with him, I opened my eyes and ears to see his every move and hear whatever he says on the phone to people. Even when I agreed to date him, I was very cautious. I got triggered very easily and it was messy. He sat me down and said, “Whatever you’ve been through shouldn’t dictate your future. Trust me, I’ve been through a lot too. You don’t see it because I decided long ago not to allow those things to define me. If you keep living your life as if you’re scared of life, then you’ll suffer. The people you love too will suffer. Your world will suffer because you’ll succeed in pushing everyone away.”

I listened to him and loosened up. I let myself go so I can enjoy the relationship. Everything was sweet and smooth. I wanted to meet his family immediately and he agreed. When it was time for us to go and meet them, he gave me excuses. His family wasn’t in town. We had to travel to go and meet them but he always made excuses. It started getting triggers. When you’ve been through something before and it starts showing up all over again, you see it. At first, it feels like deja vu but then you open your eyes very well and tell yourself, “This is not just a deja vu. I’ve traveled this road before.” 

I got angry and we fought. 

I screamed at him, ”Too many excuses. What do you have to hide? Are you married in your hometown and you don’t want me to see know? Every day when it’s time for us to go, you come up with excuses. Ain’t you tired? Haven’t you run out of excuses? The ones you’ve been giving me lately aren’t clever. It sounds like you picked them from the nursery rhymes. You can do better than this.” Of course, he didn’t just stand there and watch me talk. He responded in equal measure and it turned into give-and-take. Later that day he said, “I’m sick and tired of all these. I can’t continue with this again. Too much negativity. Just leave me alone. Let’s just quit this child’s play.” 

Even when I apologized to him and said I would do better, he declined my apology. He shut me off completely. He stopped picking up my calls and stopped responding to my messages. It was September 2018. In early December 2018, he got married. When I heard the news about his wedding I looked heavenward and smiled; “Of course, I’m not a mad person. Whatever I suspected was right. He had someone. It’s the reason he made excuses.” When everything settled, I called him; “So Afful, I was right after all. All your sweet words couldn’t cover your deceit. You see the results now? You called me insecure yet, you knew the reason for my insecurity was right. Shame on you. You’ll suffer. I pray one day, your wife will cheat on you then you’ll know what insecurity means.”

Guess what…A few weeks later, he called asking me to be his girlfriend. “I’ve been thinking of you since I got married. Maybe you cast a spell on me. It’s the reason I can’t stop thinking about you.” I responded, “The next time you call to tell me such silly things, I will track your wife down and tell her everything. Don’t you dare me. Stupid man.” 

He never called again. 

The married men never stopped coming. They won’t even try to hide their rings. Some will speak all the good things about their wives and still go ahead to propose to you. I fell back on my promise. I said yes to one of them. We try everything to convince ourselves that we are changed people until one day, something happens and draws us back to the places we’ve vowed not to go. What happened? I’d been lonely for too long. I’d been lied to for so long that I didn’t know what was the truth anymore. This one was sincere about his marriage and told me he would do his best not to allow his marriage to come between us. He was young and sweet so I said yes to him. 

I was with him one night when he had a call. His face changed, he stood up and went outside to receive the call. I was triggered. Phil’s moment came back to me all over again. I got up from my seat, went out and took a taxi to my friend’s house. On the way, I saw him calling. I cut the call and switched off my phone. It was around 11pm when I got to Melody’s house. I was crying. She thought I’d been beaten or robbed or I was being chased. She pulled me in and locked the door immediately. She asked me, “What’s the matter with you?” I answered, “I’ve been cursed. I know. Maybe one of the wives of the men I followed cursed me. Other than that I don’t know why my lot is different.”

We spent all night talking about my problems and why I only attract married men. She said, “We can go and see my pastor on Sunday. If you believe it’s a curse then it could be. Whatever we believe in comes to pass in our lives. He’s powerful. If you confess honestly to him, he’ll break the yoke for you.”

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One Sunday, I was in church with her. We met the pastor after church and I narrated my whole love story to him. His first question was, “What work do you do?” I told him, “Front desk.” He asked, “Where do you usually meet these married men?” I answered, “I met most of them through my work and a few of them through friends.” He asked, “The last five married men you met, how did you meet them, and where?” I narrated how I met each of them and where I met them. He said, “Young woman, you’re not cursed, It’s your situation that brings married men into your life. If you work in the pub, you’ll likely meet single men. If you work in the stadium, you’ll meet people in football. It’s normal but we’ll have to pray about it. God has the answers.”

Every evening after work, we went to evening prayers. The following week was my birthday, so I bought a cake and took it to church and we shared it. Everyone laid their hands on me and prayed for long life. That evening, I had a message. It was from Martin. Do you remember him? The guy I dated for six years and later vanished, yeah. He sent me a message wishing me a happy birthday. We hadn’t spoken for years but I was happy to talk to him. He said, “I’m surprised by the way you welcomed me. I thought I was an enemy. The reason why I’ve never called.” I said, “That was so many years ago. I can’t remain hurt and angry forever.”

He kept coming closer with the promise of being a better man. One day he proposed and I asked, “Are you not married?” He burst out laughing like I’ve said the world’s craziest joke. He answered amidst laughter; “You would have known if I got married. No, I’m not.” I said, “You’ve wasted six years of my life already. That’s all I can give away. If you want something serious, then I can consider it.” 

Closer and closer we got until finally, we agreed to get married. That was eight months after his second coming. It was easy because we’ve known each other for so long. On our wedding day, I felt like slapping him. “If only you didn’t leave me when I needed you the most, I wouldn’t have gone through all these trying to find love again.” But then I was reminded of what someone told me years ago. He said, “Bad things happen so we can know the worth of good things and appreciate them very well.”

—Michele    

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