We’ve been married for over a year, but I’m still shy of my wife. We didn’t date for long because of religious reasons, and the few months that we dated were from a distance. My parents created the link, and through that we met. The first time I met her, I couldn’t look at her twice, but that improved as we went along.

Now we are married, and she’s worried about why I never initiate intimacy. We’ve had a conversation about it, and I promised to do better, but when it gets to the point of doing better, I’m not able to. I want it but can’t go for it until she comes around. I’m just shy to approach her in that way.

I’m afraid it’s affecting our bond. Sometimes she intentionally stretches it, hoping I would approach her. I would be in bed counting sheep and looking for ways and means to initiate, but the will to do it would elude me. Hours, days, and weeks would go by until she comes to take it. I’m very embarrassed about this shyness, and she finds it very frustrating and annoying when I tell her I’m shy of her.

That’s not the only area of our lives that brings shyness. When we have misunderstandings and have to talk about them or even fight about them, I chicken out. I’d rather stay angry within myself than address the problem. She gets her way often, even when I want to stop her from doing certain things. I tell myself I will work on myself to get better at interacting with her in every way, but it doesn’t get better.

What Will Make You Leave Me After Forty Years Of Marriage?

It’s been over a year since we got married. When will it get better? Are there specific areas of my life I should look at? I really want to be that man who takes charge of situations, but how? Please help.

—Martin

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