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I’d been in the fashion business for about seven years now. It was all I wanted to do when I was a child so immediately after I completed senior high school, I decided to go directly into fashion. I did HND in fashion and throughout the course, I was the best student. When I completed school, some fashion house wanted to employ me. The salary was good but I chose to establish my own brand. It wasn’t easy at first but nothing good comes easy so I soldiered on until I’m at this stage of my life where I can boast of having my own fashion company.

I met Alex through my work. At first, he was a client and later became my friend. We went on several dates until one day he proposed. I said yes to him. Ever since I’d known him, he had been nothing but amazing so I had no doubt about my feelings toward him. After a year and a half of dating, we decided to take our relationship to the next level. His work didn’t give him a lot of space so whenever he decided for us to meet his parents, we couldn’t because something will come to distract our plans.

One evening, it became apparent that the next day we would be going to meet his parents. He started telling me what I’m supposed to do and what I’m not supposed to do when we get there. He said, “My parents like a woman who is this and that so when we get there, make sure you give them your best side.” I didn’t have issues with that. A few minutes later, he said, “They like talking about traveling because they are well-traveled, don’t be scared to share your travels with them” I said, “But I haven’t traveled? Locally yes. Outside, no. So how do I tell them what I don’t know?”

He said, “Just be smart that’s all.” I started dreading the meeting. He gave me so many do’s and don’ts that I was confused as to what I was supposed to actually do.” He said, “I’m saying all these because I want them to accept you wholeheartedly right from the start. They can be difficult sometimes, that’s why I’m telling you all these.”

The next day, we set off to meet his parents. He was very happy but I couldn’t share his happiness because I wasn’t sure how the meeting was going to be like. We were about to enter the house of his parents when he called me on the side and said, “I forgot one thing. You can’t tell them that you’re a fashion designer. When they ask what you do, tell them you’re a business consultant or business executive…anything that has to do with business.” I didn’t get time to ask questions. Immediately he said that, we entered their house.

His parents were warm and happy to meet me. Especially his mom. She looked at me and called me beautiful. His father thought I was a calm woman looking at the way I found it hard to talk back to them. They were happy to meet me but I was there fighting internal battles. I was thinking about all the things I’d been coached to say and not to say. Anytime they opened their mouth to say something, I got scared. I thought they were going to ask questions—questions that I’ve been taught to lie about the answers.

No matter what happened that day, I couldn’t enjoy the encounter. The food was good, the house was cozy, and his parents were beautiful but I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy all that because I was scared about the lies I had to tell. Thankfully, they didn’t ask any of the questions he thought they were going to ask me. We spent the night there and left the following day. When leaving, his mother told me, “You don’t have to act scared around us. We love you and wouldn’t waste time to have you in the family. There’s nothing to fear if you’re the wife of our son.”

When we sat in the car going back, I asked him, “What was that for? Are you embarrassed about the work I do?” See how your parents treated me but I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy their presence because of all the rules you gave me.” He said, “I know them more than you do. I’ve lived all my life with them and know the kind of things they can say and do. I was only trying to get you into their good books so we don’t face any challenge when the time comes for us to marry.”

“So, I should lie about who I am before they accept me?”
“That’s not the issue. They can cause our downfall and I’m doing everything to avoid that. When we marry, nothing else matters because I’m the one going to live with you.”
“So today I’m a business consultant. What if they later find out that I’m not what I said I was.”
“People change careers all the time. Bankers leave to start selling Jollof. So, you doing fashion after telling them you were into business is nothing surprising.”

I realized he had everything figured out and nothing I say would convince him but from that day, I started getting scared of the foundation of our relationship. We would be very happy together until I have to meet his parents. Then I begin to shiver. All the energy and happiness would vanish from my system. Last time,  his father asked me, “The way things are going with the economy, do you think businesses have a solid ground to prevail.” That was when I realized he had already told his parents that lie about what I do.

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I was incoherent at best and the answer I gave might have given me away. That has heightened the fear I have for his parents and every day, I try everything to avoid an encounter with them. I’m convinced Alex is embarrassed about the work I do or there’s something more he’s not telling me. I’ve asked him about it. I’ve had a serious conversation about this issue and have told him to tell me if there’s something he’s hiding from me. He said, “There’s nothing to hide. I’m only trying to get my parents off our neck.” I asked, “They’ve given you their preference in the kind of woman you have to marry?” He said, “No they haven’t but I already know what they want.”

Everything he does shows that he loves me so much. He can’t wait for us to get married. He talks about it every day. He can’t wait for us to have our first kid. He even has names for all our kids. He’s a good man. He’s a good leader and knows where he wants to go with our lives but these lies he’s telling his parents about me are giving me shivers.

Should I be scared? We are getting to the point where marriage is inevitable. Everything is in place for us to have a successful marriage ceremony but I’m scared about the future—the future relationship between me and his parents. Are my fears valid? Or I’m making an ant looks like an elephant?

–Sabina

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