It was through me that Nathan met Adwoa. Nathan and I are very good friends. He comes to my place on weekends and doesn’t go back home until a new week begins. It was one through one of those visits that he saw Adwoa. I had a thing for Adwoa but I was taking my time to be friends with her and later propose. But the very moment Nathan saw Adwoa, he started hitting on her. I thought it was a joke but by the time I realized the two of them were dating.
Nathan came to my place to announce it. He showed me the messages of how everything started to the point Adwoa said yes. I felt a little bit jealous but I didn’t say anything. I clapped for Nathan and urged him on. I remember telling him Adwoa was a good girl so he shouldn’t treat her badly. He laughed at me. He said, “You know I’m not like that. I’ll treat her well paaa because I really love her.”
I knew Nathan and knew what he could do but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Because of their relationship, Adwoa drew closer to me than she used to. Whenever Nathan came around, he came with her. She would cook for us while we play video games and she’ll later join us to play the video games. I was the one teaching her how to play. She was very smart and a joy to behold whenever she had the gamepad in her hands. She was one of us; a family, a friend, a game mate and above all the girlfriend of my good friend.
One Friday night Nathan called. He wasn’t coming around because his old-time girlfriend was visiting him. I asked him, “So what should I tell Adwoa?” He answered, “You don’t have to tell her anything. I’d already told her I would be travelling this weekend. Just collaborate when she asks you about my whereabouts.” Adwoa came over that weekend. She asked if I knew that Nathan was travelling. I was feeling guilty but I said yes and even added that it was an emergency. She stayed for a while and later left.
Nathan said the girl was an old-time girlfriend. He lied. She was a new girlfriend. He confessed to me days later and the annoying part was, the girl was living closer to his house. “How do you date a girl in such proximity knowing Adwoa too would be coming around?” How are you going to handle them both?”
According to him, he proposed to that girl before Adwoa came along. The girl didn’t give him any positive response until he met Adwoa and started dating her. What it meant was, I was the one going to stand in for him while he continued lying to Adwoa. It broke my heart anytime I had to do that, knowing very well that I had a feeling for Adwoa.
The way we handled the situation, it was very difficult for Adwoa to suspect any foul play. We kept lying for several months until I decided to do something about it. I proposed to Adwoa. She was shocked. “I’m your friend’s girlfriend so why would you do that?” He thought we were putting her to a test. It got to a point she tried to avoid me. I told her the truth. That I loved her even before Nathan came along. “I was only taking my time to know you but Nathan came along and didn’t waste time. I don’t blame him. I blame myself for losing you to him.”
She couldn’t believe it but I tried all I could to make her understand the situation. It was hard. It took days, weeks and a couple of months before she realized some truth in what I was saying. She told me she couldn’t leave my friend for me because it will destroy everything. I assured her I didn’t care what it will destroy. “Once the destruction brings you to me, I don’t care. Everything else can collapse. As far as we stand, we can build something new.”
Nathan was busy juggling two affairs, lying throughout the day and spending little time with the two women in his life. Inwardly, I hated everything that was happening, even the fact that Adwoa was slowing down things because of him got me upset but I wasn’t ready to tell Adwoa about Nathan’s cheating ways. One day, her defence came falling down and I was there to go through the doors without any restrictions. We kissed. I wanted to go all the way but she said “No, a step at a time. I’m not yet comfortable with all these things. We are evil for doing this to a good person like Nathan.”
We’ve been dating on the side for four months now. Within these four months, Nathan has come around only twice. Adwoa barely goes to his place because there’s always a lie that prevents her from going there. Recently I told her the truth, “Leave him. He’s not the guy you think he is. He has another girl. It’s the reason everything changed between you two. If you walk away from him today, nothing would be broken. He would later see us dating and I’ll be the one to do the explanation.”
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She didn’t believe what I was saying. She thought I was saying it just to have her all to myself. “It’s already murky. Don’t make things worse or else, we’ll all be the losers,” She told me. I understand her fears but what I feel on the inside is heavier than her fears. I’ve dedicated my days to proving to her that Nathan is cheating just like we are so she shouldn’t make us the devils while she paints Nathan clean. I’ve shown her enough evidence for her to make a decision but she’s still wasting time.
I told her to visit Nathan one evening because he hadn’t travelled. She didn’t. She wasn’t ready to see the truth. Now she’s accusing me of being an accomplice to Nathan all this while. She said if she can’t believe Nathan then she couldn’t believe me too because we are a branch from the same tree.
She still sees Nathan but gives me excuses. It looks like she had come to accept who Nathan is and she’s ready to cope while she leaves me behind. I love her. I prove to her every day and night that she’s the one I want. While I choose her over everything else, Nathan chooses the other girl over her yet it’s Nathan she always goes to. I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do. I’ve come to a point where I want to sit down with Nathan and discuss this issue man-to-man.
“Nathan, I can see you love that girl more than you love Adwoa. I love Adwoa more than anything else but the way I see it, Adwoa loves you blindly and chooses you over me. Can you leave her for me in the spirit of friendship?”
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I’m ready to have this conversation but I want to know if it’s a good thing to do. I may lose my friendship with Nathan. He can call me a snitch or accuse me of breaking the Bro code. I don’t mind as far as I end up getting Adwoa to be with me. This is matters of the heart, please don’t judge me. You can call me stupid, blind or an idiot and I’ll understand because I’ve already called myself all these names. What I want now is a word or two to get me out of this maze.
–Thaddeus
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My Friend, You shouldn’t have gotten yourself involved with her in the first place, the harm has been done already.
Since she is now aware of your feelings towards her give her the space to do whatever she wants to decide. Don’t tell her bad things about your friend, it’s ungentlemanly. If she wants any information about your friend’s whereabout, you don’t know anything. If you are careful you will find yourself in a murky situation when things don’t end up as you want. It will look bad on you my friend. If she calls pick but don’t chase her for any response or anything. Keep your distance from her. If you really love her as you are claiming give her the space and time to decide. Don’t force it. You would look more matured in her eyes when you handle the situation properly.
Look, this is a mess. Be a man and get out of this relationship immediately before you disgrace yourself any further.
My dear she has chosen your best friend over you. If you love her let her be ,cause with time she will know the kind of boyfriend she has .As for you just mind your business so that you can live without regret. IF you tell your best friend your relationship will be broken, he will even say you were not his best friend in a way it’s true because a best friend is like another brother from a different mother. A good best friend will no go around trying to expose his friend to his girlfriend in the name of love so that his girlfriend will leave him and come to you. Even if she does she won’t come to you because birds of a feather flock together. As true friend you were not supposed to cover up for him but you oppose him. If he listens then good for him ,if not then you did try your best. If his girlfriend leaves him and dates you, mind you man is scornful your ex best friend will come and expose you to her and all what you have worked will be invain. My dear if you want to be with her tell her what you did for your friend because already she sees you in a bad light so why don’t you come clean to her to clear every future fog that may blind the sight of your relationship incase she gives you a chance ,but if she doesn’t my dear brother move on. Some people are born pepertual fools and some a temporary fools. Your girlfriend is the former and also a coward. So my dear move on .She has chosen the lie over the truth this tells you the kind she is ,she will always choose him over you and ypu will forever remain in the shadows. WHY DONT YOU MOVE ON SO YOU CAN BE IN THE LIGHT WERE OTHERS CAN SEE YOU AND LIVE WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BREAKING THE BRO CODE. Don’t interfere in their relationships just sit and watch. If she takes you over her boyfriend then we thank God and if not just choose your dignity over her. Good luck.
If you have called yourself the names that best described you in this murky situation but have not woken up from your mental slumber, the I am afraid you are a neophite in relationships. Adwoa is forthright and more matured. Don’t rush her into your blurred vision of life. Give the space to assess her relationship with Nathan without your prompting. Frankly speaking, Adwoa is better without any of you.