I’ve said no to a lot of guys because they don’t belong to the income bracket of men I want to date. I’m not looking for an overly rich guy. I want a guy who is at least comfortable. He should be working and earning good money. He should be living in an apartment that says he’s ready to settle with a woman. He should be driving and be able to hold intelligent conversations. That’s not all but these are the basic things. Without them, I wouldn’t give a relationship a chance.

My friends call me picky. They say that’s not how a relationship works. According to them, love should be paramount and not material things. I tell them, “Of course love is paramount. When I meet such a guy, I will love him if only he loves me.

My parents think being picky will delay my marriage. They ask, “What if such a man doesn’t come along? Will you keep waiting until you turn grey and die?”

I believe we attract what we want for ourselves. Flowers attract butterflies. Magnets attract metal. What we want for ourselves will always find us so I know I will one day find such a man. I’m not rushing. I’m living my life like a man, always on the lookout for what’s bright and beautiful.

I didn’t reach this point in my life by accident. I’ve been the woman who loved with all her heart but in the end, even the men you choose to build with grow and choose others over you when levels change. I’ve been there. I’m not saying I helped the man to reach that level. When we met, he was unemployed. I was working. I fell for his potential because he had a solid engineering certificate. My job was paying the least but I gave him when I could.

We dated for three years. He found a job, money started coming so he started cheating. Three times I caught him cheating and forgave him. The last cheating, when I caught him, I begged him not to leave me. He was very angry that I’d caught him. I begged and cried when he said it was over. He took me back on probation. That I will not go through his phone or snoop around again. I accepted his conditions but things were not the same again.

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I lost interest in love and decided to move on. I told myself, “Never again.” A relationship is too precious to gamble with it. As a woman, you wait to be found only to be found by someone who will hurt you and treat you like he is not the guy who was all over you begging to be loved.

So this time around, I’m not waiting to be found. I’m going to the places where the kind of men I want are. I will make myself available to men who only belong to the bracket of my desires. No time to waste in building a man. God has already finished building them. It’s not the job of women to build men.

I met Asante. He acted like he had it all but didn’t. I like him as a friend because he knows how to hold a conversation. Apart from that, he belongs to the industry I work in and has a lot of insight. He doesn’t have the money or the basic characteristics of the man I want to date. He proposed and I said no. I explained why and he called me a gold digger. “You want a rich guy because you want his money not because of love,” he said. “When you love a man truly, money and assets don’t matter.”

Sometimes men can be funny. A lot of things matter to them when it comes to the woman they choose. They want it all. Beauty, intelligence, poise, grace. They want a woman they can show off. She should have ass, fair, slender legs, this and that. They believe they can choose but when they find what they want in you, they want you to choose them even when you don’t find what you want in them.

Asante wanted me because I was beautiful to him. He found what he wanted. I didn’t accuse him of being a beauty-digger if there’s a word like that but he called me a gold digger. Are we not all going around digging for things? So how should I be shamed for looking for a particular thing? Or a woman can’t choose? She accepts what’s given and prays it turns out well, is that the case?

I’m twenty-eighth. They say when I turn thirty, I will mellow and say yes to any man because thirty and single is the point of desperation for women. I’m not there yet but I can see myself saying no to a man I don’t want. I’m looking for who’s ready and I’m not waiting for them to tell me they are ready. It should show in what they have and where they live. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve met and said no to a lot of guys who had it all because they had questionable characters.

Character is very important because who you choose today will be with you until death do you part. You can’t risk character. You can’t risk anything when it comes to relationships. To me, it’s like looking for a job. We all want a better job so we build our CV for it. We hunt for it until we find it. So why would we leave a relationship to chance?

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Currently, I’m single. I’ve been single since COVID. My friends have entered bad relationships and have returned but I’m still here. Single. Tomorrow, they’ll try again and enter silly relationships and sing praises for their new men. I don’t wish them bad but I tell them, “I’ll be here. Go and come.”

They say it’s trial and error, this relationship game. But I rather try it with a guy who has money and the things I want and fail than try it just anywhere because the guy chose me.

—Audrey

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