I met her on Facebook. She made a comment on my friend’s status which I thought was clever. I tapped on her profile photo and went on her timeline. Her last post was two years ago. She shared a live video of a pastor preaching. Maybe her pastor or something. I clicked on the video. The pastor was preaching on the need to know your enemies. He said, “Your enemies are closer to you than you can imagine but with God on your side, they can never harm you.” I clicked out and sent her a friend’s request.
Every day consistently for two weeks, I checked to see if she had accepted my friend’s request. She hadn’t. I moved on thinking she may never accept. Two months or so later, I had a notification; “Fanny had accepted your friend’s request.” I went straight to her timeline again. She had posted a photo of herself thanking God for a new month. I commented, “New month, new grace.”
She jumped over my comment and responded to all others. A piece of me died. I’d wanted to delete my comment. “How could she do that to me, a new friend?” I decided never to interact with her again. Then I saw her comment on my friend’s post again. I liked her comment and said I agreed with her. She responded to that one and it later generated into a very long thread of comments. I slide into her Dm. I said, “It’s been a fruitful conversation.” She said, “Yea, I enjoyed it.”
So we became Facebook buddies. She commented on my stuff and tagged me in a post she thought I might find interesting. A few weeks later, I asked for her contact and she said no. I asked why and she said, “Nothing, I just feel uncomfortable giving out my number to people on the internet.” “But I’m not people,” I said, “I’m your friend and have been for some time now.” She said, “Let’s wait and see.”
We continued being friends who only chat on Facebook until one day, out of nowhere, she dropped her number. It was so unexpected that I didn’t know what to say. She said, “You’ve always wanted it so here it is. If you like chew it.” I called her immediately and said, “This is how I chew a friend’s number.” She laughed and we ended up having a wonderful first chat on phone. Her voice was like a little girl who was lost and trying to find her way. I asked her, “Is that all your voice or there’s more.” She said, “You see why I didn’t want to give you my number?”
But most importantly, we allowed the friendship between us to grow naturally. There were days I wanted things in a hurry. I wanted to meet her. I wanted to know where she lived and I wanted to be in her space but she said, “Patient, my brother. Just be patient.” Being patience means allowing our lives to thrive on the internet, without pushing the boundaries she so loved. During those moments, I dropped hints upon hint about my love for her. I even said it but she didn’t take it seriously.
She didn’t want to meet in person until one day situation forced us to meet. I work in the estate industry. She needed help with some documents she was dealing with so she told me about it. The next day we met, talked about it, and found a solution immediately. After that day, I invited her on a date and she came. I told her what I’d always been trying to tell her; “I’ve liked you since the very day I reacted to your comment. I didn’t know you and I hadn’t seen you but I liked you. Months later, I’ve spoken to you, seen you, and have come to know you for who you are and that has increased the affection I have for you. Why don’t you give me a space in your life?”
She said, “Do you know I have two kids? You don’t know that so you don’t know me that much.”
She never mentioned it in our various chats. She didn’t have photos on her timeline to indicate something of that sort. How would I know? But I didn’t want to act surprised so I kept my composure in check and said something like, “I don’t know because you didn’t tell me.” I asked what happened and she said, “It’s a long story. You’ll know when the time is right.”
We had a wonderful date but I had it in mind to drop all the feelings I had for her. Two kids? Naa. “I can’t go through life taking care of another man’s kids no matter the love I have for their mother.” I went home, thought about what I just found out and what the next line of action would be. Everything in me said, “Don’t fall in love with a woman in such a situation. It’s stressful.” I decided to withdraw slowly until there would be nothing left for us to hold on to. I didn’t call as I used to and I didn’t respond to her chat with the same enthusiasm.
One day she called and said, “I can understand if you don’t want a relationship again but what happened to our friendship?” I felt a little bit embarrassed. I told her, “That’s not the case. Work had been busy and some family issues came up recently that needed my attention. Sorry I haven’t been reaching out.”
All the times that I wasn’t talking to her, I was not happy. There seemed to be this uneasiness in my spirit—like I’ve lost something dear and struggling to fill the vacuum. Life wasn’t the same. I discussed the issue with some friends. They rather made my fears worse. “Even born one I won’t venture let alone born two,” one of my friends said. The other one also said, “Charley, paddies would laugh at you when they get to know. Plenty women dey but you are going to settle for a woman who already has a squad following her?” The last friend made things worse; “Such women will always run to their ex given the least chance. You better be careful.”
One day during a conversation with my dad, he told me I was growing so I should hurry and bring a woman home. I asked him, “If I bring a woman who has two kids home, would you people accept her?” He said, “Are you trying to tell me that a woman with two kids isn’t a woman? Just find a woman and we’ll be happy to welcome her home. After all, you’re the one going to live with her?” Even with my father’s assurance, I was still skeptical. The voices of my friends kept ringing out louder.
I called her one afternoon expecting to hear her complain about not calling her these days. I had already prepared my excuses but she said, “Eii I’ve missed you papa.” And then we went on to have a very exciting conversation where we both hang up with smiles on our faces. I told myself, “She’s the one.”
I started getting interested in her kids. She said they were living with her mom because she had to go to work. We went to her mom to meet the kids. Exciting little ones. The first was seven and the last was five. She told me about their dad and why they both couldn’t settle down. It had to do with abuse from the man and also the interference from the man’s family because they thought she was after the man’s money. I asked her, “So where is he now?” She said, “I don’t know and I don’t want to know. All I care about is the fact that he pays for the kids’ upkeep. As long as he continues being responsible for his kids, I have no issues to pick with him.”
In August 2019, on her birthday, I proposed to her again. She asked, “I thought you changed your mind?” I said, “I didn’t. I was only confused.” In February 2021, we got married and nothing had been more perfect than the love she brings into my life each day. There’s nothing like her money and my money. We know there are challenges we need to conquer and we can only do that if we combine effort. When I needed to move into a new apartment, I was more than capable to do it and I was ready for it but she said, “Here you are, you don’t have to do it all alone.” We were not even married at that time.
She told me she needed a car so she had applied for a car loan at work to be able to get it. I said, “I can contribute so the loan wouldn’t be necessary.” Three months later, she bought a Nissan Versa. We were not even married. I asked her, “How about the kids?” She said, “They are better off with my mom than here. I said, “Let’s ask them.” We did and as predicted, they wanted to be live with their mom. After marriage, the first thing we did was to bring them to live with us. I look at her and there’s this glow in her eyes and in her life because she has her kids around.
I haven’t been married for long but I Know this;
Marriage is not about finding the perfect keys that open your door. Those keys are missing. It’s about being with someone who is ready to search for the keys with you. You may not find the keys but you’re comforted knowing that you have someone by your side who is ready to sleep on the outside with you if you never find those keys. She wasn’t perfect when I found her. I wasn’t perfect too but my happiness comes from the fact that she’s ready to be in the gutters with me today so tomorrow we can live like royals.
–Godsway
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