My boyfriend has been talking about marriage. I love him and I don’t have a problem with spending the rest of my life with him. I am just not convinced that he is marriage material. In the two years we’ve been together, I know little about him. Everything about him is shrouded in secrecy. In my experience, men discuss their plans for the future with their partners. Mine doesn’t.

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Sammy is in his mid-thirties, has a permanent government job, but has nothing to his name. He doesn’t have a piece a land, not to talk of building his own house. No, he is not investing his money in anything. He lives in a single room with only one bed. He doesn’t have chairs or a couch. Neither does he own a TV set.

For someone who lives such a minimalist lifestyle, I wonder where his money goes. I know that he is not an impulse buyer. He is always at home. You won’t find him anywhere with friends drinking or eating fancy meals. No, I am not the one he spends all his money on. He supports me financially, but only when I ask, which is not often.

Although I am not financially stable, I am ambitious. I have been trying to get him to agree for us to have an investment together as a couple, but he is not willing to do it. I explained to him that the goal is for us to have a comfortable home.

“We can’t get married and live in a single room with only one bed. That’s not a life we should aspire for, if we have what it takes to do better.”

He just nods when I say this but so far nothing has changed. How can I marry a man who is this set in his ways?

There was a time I advised him to buy some household items for his place. That way it won’t be like he is a school boy struggling to make it in life. He agreed but after a year, his apartment is still as empty as an oyster shell.

I don’t know how much he earns, but I’m sure he can comfortably do these things if he really wants to.

I would like to know more about his finances so I can help him plan, but I don’t know how to approach the subject. This is a man who barely talks. He keeps everything to himself. Even when I am with him, he says few words.

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When I discussed our relationship with a friend, she asked, “Are you sure your man is not married?” I don’t think so.

We work in the same institution and I know all his friends and family. So if there’s another woman in his life, I would have known by now. But then again, they say you never truly know someone until you check their phone, and I have never checked his phone. Who knows what he might be hiding there?

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If only I knew what he does with his money, most of my questions would be answered. All I want is for us to grow together as a couple. I want to help him plan his life so he can build something for himself. I can’t do any of it if he won’t talk to me.

Has anyone ever experienced something like this in a relationship? Is there something I can do to make him open up and share his life with me fully?

—Bibby

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