When I got pregnant with our first child, he denied responsibility. I was hurt. I couldn’t believe a man who swore heaven and earth that he loved me would turn away from the fruit of our lovemaking. I knew we were having problems but they weren’t so bad that he should behave this way. I was disgraced, pregnant out of wedlock with no man to claim the pregnancy. Now that I look back, I shouldn’t have forgiven him when he came back to apologize.
When he apologized, my family accepted it. They gave him a list to come and perform my marriage rites. He did it. I moved in with him after that. I hadn’t forgiven him yet but I did everything a wife was required to do to make her husband happy. On his good days, the marriage was sweet. On his bad days, the marriage was bitter. Sometimes it was sour. If I put it all together, it hasn’t been pleasant at all.
This is because I don’t have a stable income. Due to financial challenges, my education ended when I completed JHS. I enrolled in an apprenticeship to learn fashion design. I was determined to make something out of myself but hunger was my antagonist. My parents couldn’t even afford to give me money to work every day. I would go on an empty stomach, with no money, and starve until I returned home for dinner. It was hell.
I had to stop going to work and start selling “pure water”(sachet water) to survive. That was when I met the father of my children. He bought water from me, and the rest picked up from there. We started a relationship in 2016, I got pregnant, and he denied it. That’s how our story began.
When we got married, I continued hawking. I sold clothes and slippers. My husband never gave me a moment’s peace because he said I was embarrassing him with my work. He always found a way to make me feel ashamed of it. It takes a special to make another human feel shame for earning an honest living.
I speak well and fluently but due to my low level of education, I don’t get the kinds of jobs he expected me to do. Who would employ a JHS leaver to work as a secretary or teller in a bank? Sometimes I apply for jobs that indicate that level of education is not important. They would call for an interview and I would show poised like a career interview. Things would go great until my educational background comes up. I wouldn’t hear back from them. Only God knows the number of times my spirit has been crushed because of this. Imagine facing all this rejection while your husband mocks you for being a street hawker.
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Our second baby arrived in the third year of our marriage. That was when the real hell began. He started openly cheating on me. If I complained he would insult me. Every little thing that annoyed him would earn me an insult, “If you were highly educated, you wouldn’t behave like this.” Whenever he ran into me hawking my wares, he would look away and walk past me as if I were a stranger to him.
His behaviour continued until a friend called me one day saying, “Akua, where are you? I just saw your husband at Accra Mall holding hands with a woman.” She sent me pictures to prove she was lying. What she didn’t know was that I already knew what he was up to. It was just painful the way he went about his infidelity without any regard for me. That night he returned home at 1 AM. I had zero patience to tiptoe around the issue.
When I confronted him he yelled at me, “I have lost interest in this marriage. Can’t you see that you are not my class?” I thought it was one of his usual taunts until he went to my parents and told them he was done with the marriage. His family met mine in an attempt to resolve our problems but my husband was determined to leave me. Nothing could be done about it.
Our second baby was nine months old when the marriage was dissolved. They asked him to compensate me and he agreed. However, he didn’t do it. I had to move back to my family’s home with my kids. After a while, this man stopped sending us money for upkeep. I reported him to DOVVSU, and we were referred to social welfare. The social welfare officials gave him a fixed amount to give me every month. He agreed but when the time came for him to deliver, it didn’t happen. The officials were compelled to go to his workplace to involved in the matter.
Once again, an agreement was made. The money was supposed to come directly from his salary but he found a way to intercept it. We never received anything. This guy changed his number, resigned from his job, and relocated. I tried every means available to find him, but nothing worked. Even his family insists they don’t know his whereabouts. I have been the sole provider of our children since 2020. Sometimes an emergency would occur but I wouldn’t have a dime on me. I would either borrow money from a friend or sell something of mine to get the money.
I’ve gotten to this point in life where I’m tired. I still sell the clothes but business is slow most of the time. I have tried to get other jobs so I would have at least two streams of income. However, the moment I disclose that I have kids, they tell me I am not a good fit for the job. Don’t get me wrong for saying this but the responsibility of taking care of the children is draining the life out of me. Now, my room is almost empty because I’ve sold almost everything I own to take care of my children.
I have always planned that I would return to fashion school so I would make something out of my life but with the way things are going, I may not get there. it hasn’t happened. Every push I make in life doesn’t go through.
I Discovered He Had Another Woman But I Couldn’t Leave Him
Just as my ex-husband disappeared from our lives without a trace, I also want to run away and leave my children. I want to go out there and get a life for myself. I feel very useless as a mother who cannot properly provide for her children. I have thought about it. I would take them to my cousin’s place for a visit. Then I would pack a few things and move to another region. I would then change my number and start life on a clean slate.
Will I be tagged as an irresponsible mother for taking this step? I don’t plan to leave forever. Once I make a life for myself, I will return for them. This was not an easy decision for me to make. I just feel so lost, and this seems like the only way to find myself.
—Akua
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Dear Akua if you run away where will the kids go? Who will take care of them? Who will guide them through life’s turbulence? What if by the time you return and they have all turned into delinquents? The pain and guilt you will feel will be immense than what you are feeling today. Hold on don’t give up. As for your ex I will suggest that look for a powerful spiritual man and send him there. Don’t make him kill him. NO! Just ask him to destroy his life. Let him render him impotent. Everything he touches should turn to dust. He shouldn’t make him sick. NO! He should be strong enough to work but still reap dust. Don’t wait for karma because sometimes karma doesn’t pay what’s due. Make sure he cries blood yet no body listens to him. In that way the next time he comes into this world again he will be a better person.
Madam ur decision is very bad, destroying the man’s life will not solve the situation. Bear in mind that the Bible speaks against idol worships.
u should rather advise her to pray for God’s favor and allow Karma work
Take the elderly one to the man’s parents and leave him/her there.
Leave the younger with your parents.
Moves as planned but make sure you start sending money to your parents as soon as possible no matter how little.
Keep your line to be sending notifications to your parents once you send money then take the SIM out. That’ll reduce their worry about your safety.
All the best and add God to your life, He’s got it all figured out when you engage him
Awww Akua, never run away from your kids. They are yours and they can never forgive you when they grow up. Just accept that you are in your difficult moment in life, this situation is referred as day one, everything seems to be bad but your day 3 will soon approach, stand tall bcos one day God will come through for you and the kids. Make prayer your friend and always prophesies on their lives
I agree with you bill
Wonderful advices suggested for you here. Seive and go with the one you are comfortable with…. Best of luck to you
I agree with sissy besides nobody can do your thing and keep it well done you yourself. As the elders said wo nsa akyi b3y3 wodeaa nti s3 wo name y3m. You leaving them and sending them money can’t replace the presence and the love they will feel when you are around. You are stronger and powerful than you think. You have endured so much but make God your everything and he will never disappoint you. Pray before going out . Don’t give up and as for your ex his guilt will be a punishment itself. You can’t destroy someone’s life and expect yours to do well. What God cannot do doesn’t exist.
Don’t listen to Akosua Ntow. If you do, then you must forget about the intervention of God. If you run away and leave them, you’ll know no peace. You might consider going to an orphanage and having a talk with them. Is it not possible to get people’s clothes in the neighborhood and wash for them, that is doing laundry? Or cleaning people’s houses? Stop looking for office work and start with such jobs. Join a church, they can also help. Whatever you do, don’t abandon the kids, you’ll regret.
I totally agree with you Bill. Akua please don’t cut ties , keep Communication active and send money regularly no matter how little like bill said. With that, the people you left the kids with won’t treat them with bitterness when the get tired or things become hard for them
. And the kids too will know they still have a mother who’s there for them. May have just left them to work and give them a better life and not abandoned them. God is in control. Look up to Him.