When I met Roland, I had just started school and had vowed not to date for the entire three years I would be spending in school. I was determined to keep that vow until one of our lecturers gave us a difficult assignment. Perhaps, I should have attempted the work on my own and not sought help; because it was my search for help that led me to him. It was a friend who introduced me to him. I remember that first day we met. I never thought for a second that he would proceed to become an unforgettable part of my existence.
After he helped me with my assignment, we didn’t speak again until two weeks passed. I needed his help again with another assignment so I texted him. That second assignment made me see him in a different light. I can’t pinpoint exactly what changed but we became friends after that. Our friendship was no ordinary one. Our closeness made it such that our friends thought we were secretly dating. We knew it wasn’t the case so it didn’t bother us.
He had a girlfriend, and I honestly did not see him in an amorous way. I just liked that we were friends. He was the first guy I ever got close to enough to open up my heart and soul. Even as I write this, I haven’t met anyone I feel that level of safety with. The day everything took a drastic turn in our friendship was the day he told me, “Mia, there is this women’s networking conference you should attend. It’s focused on giving to charity, and I know that’s something you are passionate about.” That day I didn’t want to go out, let alone to a networking conference, but he insisted that I do. So I told him, “Then come with me. That’s the only way I will go.”
We talked, and laughed about almost everything. Then he said, “You know because we are close, guys always ask me to hook you up with them. But I always tell them you are my girlfriend. Is that okay with you?” I had no interest in dating anyone so I said, “Yes, tell them whatever you want. As long as they won’t come and disturb me.” After the conference, we ended up on his bed. It was supposed to be an innocent sleepover. We talked and played as though we were kids. Then he leaned close to my ears and whispered, “I love you.”
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The moment the words left his lips I groaned internally, “Why did he say that? He has a girlfriend.” You know how when something already exists but you don’t notice it until someone tells you about it? That was exactly what happened. When he confessed his feelings for me, I heard a loud “boom” in my head and my eyes opened instantly. And I became aware of my own feelings for him. I hated that he put me in that position. He wanted me to tell him that I wanted him so that he would break up with his girlfriend. I didn’t want to steal another woman’s happiness so I told him, “I won’t be responsible for you leaving your girlfriend.”
I honestly thought things would change between us after that day but they didn’t. One day I was on campus when he asked me to get dressed so we go to the beach. That was my first day going to the beach so you can imagine how memorable it was. I gave him my first kiss that day. I was twenty-one then. And the kiss burned a hole in my memories. It was so passionate that though I kissed another man after him, it is the taste of Roland’s lips that remain in my mind.
Along the line, his girlfriend broke up with him. I don’t know the reason but I was pleased to hear it. I thought that was my chance to be with him but Roland had other plans. He told me, “I can’t date you, Mia. I am hard, and you are fragile. I will break you.” I couldn’t believe it. I was hurt and I felt broken. He didn’t want to be with me because he thought he would hurt me, but by rejecting me he hurt me. the surprising thing was how oblivious he was to my emotional turmoil. He wanted us to carry on with our friendship but I could no longer stand to be his friend, so I pulled away. The only way I kept tabs on him was through his WhatsApp status. However, I muted him when he started posting photos of his new girlfriend.
I Didn’t Marry You To Become A Baby-Making Machine—Beads Media
It’s been three years now but the memory of him still hurts. I don’t understand why it still hurts after all these years. Just the other night I heard a song that reminded me of him. And all I could think of was how much I missed him, and how much I loved him. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have known that I was capable of loving someone with this intensity. I want to love again but it feels like I am suffocating anytime I try it. So I am taking my time to heal so that I don’t end up bleeding on an innocent person. My only fear right now is that if he should walk into my life today, I might fall back into his arms. So I am sharing this story about my unrequited love in an attempt to exorcise all these leftover feelings from my heart.
— Mia
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#SB
Hmmm sometimes it takes years to heal from such heartbreaks but be determined of your goal in life and move on my dear.
Hello Mia, I hope my comment gets to you. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. This is one of the worse emotional torment anyone can go through. I do not wish that for anybody. Sweetheart, i have been there, and i know how you feel. Trust me, you will be fine. But beware! I cannot promise you that it would be easy. Your encounter with Roland is not ordinary. You are now experiencing something like a spiritual connection with him. The whole thing is kind of spiritual, so do not waste time going through every scene in your head, in order to try to understand how you met, why he chose not to date you and so on. It will never make sense to you.
You will look for him in other people, everything will remind you of him -songs, movie and just about anything at all. You will find it hard to forget him. It has taken three years now, and it feels like yesterday, but i promise you, it can take longer than that, if you are not strong and determined. It is normal that you are finding it harder to love anybody else. You may probably not feel that intensity with anyone again, but know that it is the intensity that you felt with him that is not real. Whatever else you will feel with someone else, even if it pales in intensity as compared to him, just know that it is the real deal, so stay strong.
Now, if you believe in God, pray…. it is only God that can save you from this kind of connection. It is tormenting because you continue to desire and long for someone who is long gone from your life, and you cannot seem to move on. With God all things are possible… talk about it with God…. Listen to messages on soul tie, and break every soul tie that you may have with him. No matter what, do not call him! Journal your feelings sometimes if it becomes overwhelming. Talk to your trusted friends about how you feel… Take good care of yourself… be strong in mind and soul… don’t be tempted to go back because he will never give you back the love he aroused in you… But be strong and pray to God, he will help you quench this destructive flame. Only He can. He did it for me, and i know He will do it for you!! There is much I want to tell you but i cannot say it all… Just be strong, know that this is not any normal love situation…ask God for help to break the connection. You will be free soon….stay strong and focus on healing…. Hugs and warmth from me to you… All will be well soon…All the best!!