I met her in Level 100, first semester. It was a Saturday morning. I was on my way to write an IA. She had finished hers and was heading back. I saw her and smiled. She didn’t even look at me. I still remember how that small moment stayed with me.

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I rushed into the exam hall, wrote the paper as fast as I could, and stepped out with the hope of meeting her again. By luck, I saw her one day standing by the busy highway, getting ready to cross. I gathered courage and approached her. “My name is Nii,” I introduced myself. She said, “I am Ama.” By the time we crossed the road, I had offered to walk her to her destination.

We walked together and talked till she got to a hall close to mine and said, “This is where we part ways.”

I didn’t have my phone with me, so I gave her my number. That evening, she called. I was pleasantly surprised.

For the first three days, we spoke well. We went on a few dates. I started liking her even more. So I told her how I felt. She said, “But I don’t know you that much.” I respected that. I decided to give her time.

You won’t believe it. Now we are in our final semester, and she still hasn’t said anything about my proposal. Many people would say she doesn’t love me. If that’s the case then why does she always want me around? She tells me everything happening in her life. She makes me part of her plans. I feel I am important to her. That is why I held on to hope that she would come to accept me as her man.

Recently, we had a misunderstanding. It was about how she treats me sometimes. We didn’t talk for some days. On the fifth day, she called and we met. While we were together, she said she had something to tell me. I told her to go on.

She smiled shyly before saying, “There is this guy that I like.”

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I felt my pain in my heart but I acted calm. I even gave her tips on how to make the guy notice her. We made jokes and laughed about it but I was crushed on the inside. The painful part is that this same guy proposed to her in the past but she turned him down. So why is she all of a sudden crushing on him?

After all these years of waiting, I thought she would finally consider me. Now, I have seen that it wasn’t about knowing me well enough to be with me. She just wasn’t interested in me right from the get-go.

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I know my place now. I appreciate the friendship we’ve built but I don’t have the emotional capacity to watch her be happy with another man. Not yet.

So I want to cut her off. I want to do it in a way that won’t make her know it’s because of what she told me. Am I a bad friend for feeling this way?

—Nii

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