Our tenth anniversary was coming but he didn’t remember. All he remembered was the fight we had the other day, the hatred that had engulfed our marriage and his selfish interest in things that were destroying our marriage. We had two children we both loved dearly. I always felt our marriage was worth saving just for the sake of our children. So when he fought, I tried to stay calm. When the lies were flying on my face, I nodded to tell him I believed him.

At dawn, when he was already awake and on his phone, I asked him, “It’s our tenth anniversary very soon. What are we doing? Do you have anything planned for us?”

He kept scrolling on his phone as if he didn’t hear what I said. I repeated the question. He squirmed a little bit before saying, “I don’t have anything planned for us. What’s worth celebrating in this marriage?” I said, “For the kids. At least photos with them. Something to show we celebrated this milestone.”

He answered, “You can celebrate it with them if you want to but count me out.”

Our anniversary came and pass silently like a fart of a newborn baby. No celebration, no toast to a good life like we did five years ago. No trip to celebrate our love like we did when we were seven. Nothing but a silent prayer I offered at the dawn of our anniversary that God should save our marriage. “Not for me but for the beautiful children, God, you’ve blessed us with.”

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Barely three months after our anniversary, he asked for a divorce. I played dumb hoping he was going to change his mind. He didn’t say “Divorce” again. He acted it. He left home in the morning and didn’t come until I called to ask where he was. Sometimes he would pick up and tell me he was not coming home oh he wouldn’t pick up the call at all.

I decided to bring his parents in. To my utmost surprise, his parents were already aware of what was going on. I asked them, “Did he tell you the reason he wants a divorce? Did he say what I had done?” They sat there looking at me as if they didn’t hear my question. Nothing broke a spirit more than everyone knowing what you ought to have known first.

I made my dad call him to ask him questions. From the narration from my dad, their conversation didn’t end well. It wasn’t friendly judging from what my dad said. He told me not to kill myself. “If he wants to go, let him go. He’s not the only man in the world,” my dad told me. I said in my head, “I have two kids with him. He’s the only man in the world for me.”

He went to my family to initiate divorce while we were still living together. By the time he initiated the court process, he was completely out of the house. I had come to terms with the divorce but was still praying for a miracle. That something in him would snap for him to change his mind. Each day got worse but I prayed. He stopped calling us, I mean the children. He asked me to buy the children their personal phones so he could call them directly. I didn’t do it so he stopped calling them through my phone.

Anytime we had to visit the divorce process and speak legal jargon, something in me died. That wasn’t the way I planned my life. There was nowhere in my life that I expected divorce to happen but I was going through it with my heart breaking and spirit down.

One evening a call came through. There was a woman’s voice at the end of the call. She asked if I were the wife of my ex-husband. The tone with which she asked the question made my heart skip several beats. “Yeah, I’m the wife. Is anything the matter?”

“I’m sorry…I’m deeply sorry,”

She broke down and started to cry. I got anxious. I kept screaming, “Sorry for what? What has happened to him? Why are you sorry?”

She had been dating my husband for almost a year and didn’t know he was married. When he caught him and asked him questions, he told her he was going through a divorce that was why he didn’t tell her. He went ahead to give her my number to call and confirm our divorce. When the lady was narrating her story, you could hear her voice shaking as if she had committed a crime and had been found out.

I confirmed that we were still married a year ago but currently going through a divorce. She kept apologizing until I told her she had committed no sin but she should forgive herself and move on. I even encouraged her to continue dating my ex-husband if she wanted to. She declined and said, “If he could lie about the whole thing for a year, what else wouldn’t he lie about?”

When I hung up the call. I cried. If I was hanging on to hope that things would change, that call quenched that hope. I accepted my place in life and decided to move on. Everything in the house reminded me of him and the pain he had caused me. Apart from that, our good memories kept flashing in my mind whenever I was lonely. I could see just a shadow on the wall and it would bring back memories.

I rented a new place fit for a newly divorced woman with two kids. It was a new beginning for me but he had moved on long ago. After the divorce was finalized, I didn’t see him in a year. He had access to the kids but he never came around or called to see them. He paid child support in time and even added extra. I jokingly told a friend, “He’s a good ex-husband. He plays his role very well and I appreciate it.”

Two months ago he passed by. He asked if he could come for the kids. I said, “Why not? They are yours.” “I mean to live with them. I want to take it from here,” he answered. My heart skipped several beats. “No, that can’t happen. You can’t just appear out of nowhere and claim my kids. That won’t happen.”

He told me he was starting a new life with a new wife who already had two children. He wants to take his children home too so they all can grow together.

I couldn’t breathe. “He left me to begin again with someone with two children? Was I that bad?”

I told him all I had were the children so no. He left peacefully and I haven’t seen him again. He pays what he must but doesn’t call or visit them. Maybe he’s too happy for his new life. I’m not. When I think about everything I get hurt. But I know someday, I will also heal completely and be the kind of mother my kids want, even if I don’t marry again.

—Faith

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