I was home for three years after school when my pastor introduced me to a man in our church, Jacob, and asked him to help me get a job. I took his number, and the following day we started talking. I was desperate. I needed the job to take care of myself and my parents, who were also desperately looking for something to rely on.

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Jacob invited me to his office, took my CV, and right there started making some calls. He said he was calling friends to check if any of them had an opening.

He turned to me and said, “I will get you the job. You’re a young, beautiful woman and deserve good things in life, but what will you give me when it happens? You know in this life, hand go hand come.”

He wanted sex. I knew that because a man of his stature couldn’t possibly want anything else I had. I responded, “Whatever you want for this, I’m ready to give you—even if you want me to become a maid in your house.”

He laughed heartily at the maid part. He said I was too beautiful to be reduced to that and that he would have better use for me. He sent me a text a week later and suggested he wanted to sleep with me before giving me the opportunity. I met him one afternoon in a hotel far from home, and it happened.

A week later, I wore high heels and walked through the corridors of my new job. The man there, Eric, who accepted to work with me, also came with his demands. He made it clear from day one that I was in a position many women would die for and, as such, had to sacrifice something of myself to deserve to be there.

The first time happened in his car, in a secluded place. The second time, which he said would make him increase my pay, also happened in an open but quiet area. He didn’t want a room. He was quite young and still had his youthful exuberance. Whatever he promised, he gave me.

One day, the accountant asked me, “What are you doing here that you earn this much?” A few weeks earlier, HR had asked me the same question because the order had come from above that I should be paid that much. They wondered, whispered about me in meetings, and judged me as I walked around. I knew they were aware of what had happened, and they had probably experienced it at some point during their time there.

I told HR that I was related to someone very important to the Chairman of the organization and that was why. She didn’t believe me, and it hurt my pride. I am a very hardworking person. I was placed in a position I knew nothing about, but I was diligent and eager to learn, so I asked questions. Previously, everyone was receptive, but once they learned my salary, they stopped helping me, and I had to figure things out on my own.

I walked around feeling bad. I could walk like a queen from my desk and feel like a slave when talking to my colleagues. When a group laughed, I felt they were laughing at me. When I saw them gathered, it felt like I was the topic. I had no friends, except a few guys who laughed and talked with me, but I later got the impression they were only doing that to see if they could also sleep with me.

One day, I called the Chairman and told him I wanted to move to another branch. He asked why, and I said the place felt toxic and that everyone seemed to hate me. He said, “It’s part of workplace politics. You rose faster than about 50% of the people here, so you should expect that. Stay, work hard, and ignore the talk.”

I’ve been at this job for two years now, but no one respects me. No one wants to engage me in serious conversations because they think I’m empty-headed. I wake up in the morning, and sometimes all I want to do is disappear so my colleagues won’t see me.

My life has changed. My parents are happy for me. They go to church and thank God for my life. They pray and thank God for elevating me in a way that benefits them, but I am not happy.

One day at the office, I saw both Jacob and Eric in the lounge. I smiled and waved, and they stopped me to have a conversation. I couldn’t look them in the eye. When I left and they laughed, my knees wobbled, and I felt like I might collapse.

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I regret what I did to get here, but honestly, I don’t regret being here. I’m working hard to deserve my salary, but letting go of the guilt and learning how to live happily is what keeps me awake at night. Quitting is not an option because it would be very hard for me to earn anything close to what I’m earning here elsewhere. I just want to have peace of mind at work and feel like I deserve to be here. How do I do that?

—Judith 

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