My first boyfriend was Kojo. We were together while I was in SHS. We both come from the same hometown so I always spent time with him whenever school went on vacation. After school, I left town and went to stay with my dad in Accra. I didn’t have a phone so Kojo and I drifted apart. When I eventually got a phone, I tried to pick up the relationship where it fizzled out but by then the love was gone. It didn’t help matters when I found out that Kojo and I were cousins from my maternal side. He tried to convince me that it was normal for cousins from our maternal side to get married, but I didn’t want him anymore so I broke up with him.

After our break up, I went to visit a friend of mine at her workplace. We were chatting when a nice gentleman entered her office to check on her sales for that week. This guy kept staring at me till he was done with what he came to do. When it was time for her to close, my friend and I walked to the nice gentleman’s office to submit some documents to him. She took the opportunity to introduce me to the guy. His name is Kwadwo.

Right from the moment we were introduced, Kwadwo and I spoke every day. We would talk late into the night as though we were lovers. Our friendship bloomed beautifully until I travelled to Sunyani in 2013 to live with my sister. When I got there, I had problems with my phone so we no longer spoke to each other.

It was when I returned to Accra and got a new phone that we started chatting again. Our friendship continued as the years went by. He became my confidant. I shared everything about my life with him. So when I gained admission to the training college in 2016, he was the first person I shared the news with. I lamented, “This is happy news but all I keep thinking about is that I cannot afford the school fees.”

He told me, “Don’t worry too much about your fees. I will take care of you.” I was surprised he offered to help me, but I was more surprised when he fulfilled his promise and paid for all my expenses through school.

After my first year in school, Kwadwo proposed to me. Of course, I accepted it. It wasn’t out of gratitude for his help. I was in love with him. And I knew he loved me too. Although we were separated by distance, the bond we shared was strong.

During the Covid era, we had a little misunderstanding. This affected our communication but I still had faith in our love. When it was announced that the country was going to be on lockdown, I asked to go and stay with him. I wanted us to spend the days of isolation together. However, he kept giving me excuses until the lockdown was enforced and I couldn’t go anywhere.

When the ban was lifted, we discussed my national service. He suggested that I go and do my service in my hometown. “You won’t spend money on rent when you go there. You will also depend on your grandma until they start paying your allowance,” he reasoned. It was a good idea so I agreed to it.

I was in my hometown but I made time to visit Kwadwo in Accra whenever I got the opportunity. It was a three-hour drive but I made it happen. One thing noticed during the visits was how he would not be separated from his phone. I suspected he was entertaining other girls in my absence but I didn’t complain. I just convinced myself that everything would return to normal once I finished my service and returned to Accra.

In December 2020, I visited him again and we had shuperu. It was the wildest shuperu I had ever had in my life. While I was trying to figure out what changed, I went through his wardrobe. Imagine my shock when I saw a list of items for marriage written in a book. I didn’t say anything to him. I just tore the list and hid it in my bag.

At work, I showed the list to a friend. He took one look at it and told me; “Your boyfriend is hiding something from you. He is preparing to marry another woman. So be careful.” Stupidly, I ignored my friend. I chose to believe that he was either buying the things to come and marry me or there was another explanation for it. I didn’t even confront him to clear my doubt. Perhaps I was too afraid to confront the truth.

A month after our encounter, I pranked him that I was pregnant. This guy told me, “I didn’t come inside you so if you are pregnant, I am not responsible for it.” That was the biggest shock of my life. What happened to the Kwadwo who was madly in love with me? I decided to ignore him for a while to see if he would come back and apologize. Well, I didn’t hear from him for three whole months.

When he called I asked him, “Are you now coming to claim the pregnancy? So if I was truly pregnant, is this how you would have denied it?” He kept mute on the phone until I hung up.

After that call, he made it a point to call me every day to check up on me. I didn’t understand his sudden interest after three months of ghosting me. So one day I asked him, “Why are you now interested in me?” That was when he confessed, “I want to beg for your forgiveness. I got married in January.” Oh, so the marriage list was not meant for me? I don’t think getting cut with a knife could hurt me as badly as Kwadwo did when he came clean about his marriage.

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The entire time I was thinking that I had a man, he was planning a wedding with another woman. What hurt most was that I knew the lady very well. He made me think nothing was going on between them, meanwhile, he was planning to marry her. That was my first heartbreak.

I encouraged him to move on and stop bothering me. However, he said it was my fault that he married someone else. “You were in your hometown doing your national service. You weren’t visiting me often so I got lonely. And she was available. I am sorry how things ended.” He even tried to get me to continue being his girlfriend but I didn’t agree to it.

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It took me a while to get over what he did. I was so pained about the fact that he easily fooled me. I almost didn’t forgive him but I thought about all the ways he helped me in school. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t have gotten a tertiary education. That is what I used to console myself and finally forgave his deception.

I have gotten over him, I am sure of that. However, all my attempts to find love after him have ended up horribly. So I am convinced that love and relationships are not meant for me. I want to ask, are there people in this life who are destined never to meet the love of their lives? Or is it true what they say, “There is someone for everyone”? Should I give up on this love thing? Or is there hope?

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—Ama

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