I have been with Stone for almost two years now. During this period, we’ve had our own share of relationship issues and drama but we managed to resolve them. Before I met him, I was the kind of person who didn’t like addressing issues in relationships. With him though, I learned to do all that. Once I got the hang of it, I understood that it was important to talk about stuff bothering us in the relationship.

The first thing I experienced with him that bothered me was shuperu. Our first time lasted less than five minutes. Even with that, he couldn’t get it up fully. And it went soft in the middle of the show. Do you know how painful it is? Just when I was warming up, he was going down. It was our first time so I didn’t say anything. I told myself, “First times are usually awkward. He must have felt pressured to impress. I’m sure the next time will be better.”

I was wrong. The next one was not better in any way. He wouldn’t get fully erect before we start and then it would go down right when I was gaining momentum. All of this would happen in less than five minutes. I was concerned. This is someone who said he was interested in marrying me. So how could I keep quiet about something that would be a problem in the future?

As uncomfortable as it was to discuss, I sat him down and expressed my concerns about our bedroom problems. “Is there something I do that turns you off?” I asked him. I let him know I was more than ready to find a solution to whatever problem he might have.

All I wanted to do was have an honest adult conversation but he responded as if I was shaming him. He even tried to make it about his size. I had to tell him, “You are getting me wrong. Your size is fine. Size has never even mattered to me. It’s more about how you use it. And my concern with yours is that it goes off before the show ends. Is it me? Are you not attracted to me?” He explained that it goes soft because his mind wanders during that act.

I told him that his experience is weird because from stories I have heard and from personal experience, I know men usually take their minds off the whole act when they don’t want to cum early. He disagreed with me. He didn’t want to accept that there was something wrong. I didn’t want us to fight over it so I let it go.

However, months later I brought it up again because it was annoying. Instead of listening to me, this man said, “It seems you have a lot of issues in the relationship. You always have one thing or the other to complain about.” I responded, “I’m only complaining because I’m in this for the long term, not for fun. So if there’s something that is affecting our intimacy, I want it addressed now.”

We argued about it and in the middle of the argument he said, “Do you know what I have also noticed about you but never brought it up?” I asked what it was and he said I have a funny smell down there. I was shocked. I told him he’s a liar boy. If there was any truth to it, why did it take him almost two years to finally say it? This is a guy who delights in going down on me. Even when I hadn’t taken my bath, he would still insist on doing it. So when did the funny smell start?

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While we continued to argue I said, “I know myself as a woman. I’m very particular about my feminine hygiene. So stop selling a lie to me as the truth.” When I finally left his place, I started having self-doubt and asking myself a lot of questions. “What if he is not lying?” I wondered.

One afternoon, I went to his place and asked that we make out so he could show me what he was talking about. Can you believe that this funny smell he was talking about was my arousal discharge? Apparently, he’s not well-informed enough to know the natural smell of a female discharge.

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Regardless, his ignorance has bruised my pride as a woman. I can’t believe he was trying to make me feel bad about something that is not true. When I asked him why he goes down on me if there is a bad smell, he said he only perceived it during intercourse. But trust me, I do not have any bad smell.

I visit my gynaecologist very often for regular check-ups. There’s no smell anywhere but I believe his ego was bruised when I talked about his erectile dysfunction. This whole issue makes me feel indifferent towards him and our intimacy. How do I address this matter?

—Selorm

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