He came to our church from another church to perform. He sings very well, so he’s known across churches. I knew him before he came around. I was the one who showed him around and also helped him settle in before his performance. After service, he took my number, and we became friends. To my surprise, the next Sunday he was in my church. He didn’t tell me he was coming. He said God directed him to come back and see me.

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From there, our friendship solidified until he proposed and I said yes. I loved his commitment to the gospel and the way he prayed. His talent is a testament to God’s goodness, and I wanted to be part of him so badly.

He asked me to keep the relationship a secret until we were safe to let the world know about it. I didn’t ask why. I only assumed he didn’t want the world to know he was fornicating. We don’t belong to the same church, so it was fine for me to keep quiet about us.

One day I visited him, and while cooking together, I recorded a video of him. He was such a charm, the way he cut through the vegetables and placed them gently in the oil. I set the camera and asked him to pretend we were doing a cooking TV show. It was a full thirty-minute video recording that became one of my treasured moments with him.

When he wasn’t around and I missed him, I watched that video and remembered how we laughed and enjoyed the moment. One day, out of boredom, I cut thirty seconds of the video and shared it on my WhatsApp status. I didn’t appear in the video, but you could hear my voice talking and laughing. I captioned it, “Men who cook are gifts from God.”

Just five minutes after posting the video, a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a very long time commented, “Is that Andrews?” I wasn’t surprised because he was a popular figure. If you’re into ministry or you’re a church person, you might know him. He sings from church to church. I answered, “Oh, you know him? Yeah, that’s Andrews.”

She asked what I was doing in his house, since she could hear me talking and laughing. I was a little surprised that she was able to know the house I was in was Andrews’s house and not mine. I asked if she knew his house, and she answered, “We broke up not long ago after dating for three years. If you’re not dating him yet, then be careful. He’s not a good man.”

I took my time to ask questions about how she met him and the things he did that made him a bad person. What shocked me most was when she told me when they broke up. I had dated him for six months, but they broke up only two months ago—meaning he dated me for four months before their relationship came to an end. I lied to my friend that he was just a friend and nothing else.

Hours after posting the video, another friend also asked, “Is that Andrews? You guys are that close?” I was careful with my response because of what had happened with the other friend. I answered, “He’s just a friend.” She wrote back, “I know him very well. He’s even dating my friend.”

My interest was quickly piqued. I asked about the friend and how long they had dated. A few minutes later, a number called my phone. She asked, “Am I talking to Michelle?” When I answered yes, she told me a friend gave her my number after she had sent her the video I posted about Andrews. They had dated for six years, and according to her, they were planning to get married. She said, “I know my man. He’s such a cheat. If I don’t tell you, he will play you for a fool. But he knows who he loves, so stay away from him.”

Right after I spoke to that girl, Andrews texted, “Michelle, what did I tell you? Why are you posting us on your status for all eyes to start judging? Delete the video.” I responded, “I’m waiting to see how many women will claim you. So far, I have two women. I won’t delete it until everyone sees it.”

He texted back, “Don’t destroy us through gossip. A lot of people are envious; that’s the reason I told you to keep us secret until later.”

I didn’t delete the video. Later that night, when I was about to sleep, a number texted me saying she had seen the video because her friend sent it to her. She said, “Andrews is not the man you think he is. He will use you for what you have and dump you.” I asked how long they had dated, and she said two years. I asked when they broke up, and she answered, “We’ve broken up a hundred times, but we keep finding our way back. We are still together, but this time it’s not love.”

I spoke to that girl the longest. She told me the tricks Andrews used on his girlfriends—how he would take a loan from you and not pay it back. My heart started beating fast because he had taken GHC 2,000 from me a few days earlier. She said Andrews could introduce me to everybody in his circle as the one he loves, but that was a lie. He does that to all the women he dates on the side. She even told me she battles with “white” almost every month because of him.

Three different women, one man. It made me wonder how many of us were innocently claiming him. When I called his line, he didn’t pick up. He called in the morning, telling me how disappointed he was in me for not deleting the video. I asked if those accusations were true, and he answered, “Why am I with you if they were true?”

He denied everything and sold me his version of the truth. Guess what? I didn’t leave him. I still haven’t left him. In my mind, if all those ladies know him for who he is and they haven’t left, then there’s something there to take. I love him. I love his gift and the anointing on him. He reminds me of David. He backslid, though he was God’s favorite.

Everything in me tells me to leave him, but everything in me also tells me to stay and fight until I win. The other lady who said Andrews gave her “white,” Becky, has now become both a rival and a friend. She would call me and ask if Andrews is with me. Sometimes we laugh about our situation, and I tell her, “I’m leaving soon. He’s not a good man.” She would say the same thing and yet stay with him.

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

What is wrong with me? Does it have a name, what I’m going through—knowing my man has many girlfriends and still choosing to stay? I’m not naive. I’ve been alive for twenty-six years, so I’ve seen and heard a lot. I’ve left guys because they breathed next to another lady. I angrily asked, “Why did you breathe when that lady walked by? Don’t I have enough air around me for you to breathe?”

I would leave and never go back to them again, so why am I still with Andrews? Or is he using juju to bundle us together without us knowing? I’m writing this and smiling because I don’t know if the advice I’ll get will work on me. Regardless, please advise me. Maybe God can do a miracle through your words.

—Michelle

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