I was three months pregnant when my husband got a new job outside of town. Our marriage was less than a year old, which means we were still at the flowery stage of our marriage. If I had the power I would have stopped him but he was determined and it looked like the job brought a new light to him so I didn’t protest. I helped him get his things ready. I did everything a wife would do to ensure her husband would have a perfect transition from home to a new town. The day he reached his destination, we spent all night on the phone. I told him, “You haven’t been gone for so long but we are missing you already.” He asked, “You and who?” I answered, “Have you forgotten you left two people behind? Me and the son I’m carrying.” I placed the phone on my tummy just for him to listen to the sound the baby may make. 

It was fun all night until we said our goodbyes and slept off. The following day too was the same. We came to the agreement that the only way to keep the love between us burning was to spend a lot of time on the phone. He called first thing in the morning. I called in the afternoon. After work when I’m on my way home I would call him. At night when we are about to sleep, he’ll call me on video and we’ll talk all night. He was visiting only on weekends but I wanted more. I told him, “You know I can come around on weekends too, right? You don’t have to be the only one coming every weekend. I don’t know where you live and I think I should come around one weekend to see where my husband lives.”

He told me it wasn’t needed. “You’re pregnant. The road is not good. Don’t let us risk it. After delivery, you can even seek transfer and come and live with me, I don’t care but let’s do what’s right for the baby now.” 

He made a good point and I sided with him. The number of hours we spent on the phone kept going down each day. He said he was busy. He said the work was taking him to places he didn’t know he could travel. At night when we had to talk, he would send me a message and tell me; “I’m too tired to have a conversation. Let’s sleep and talk tomorrow.” Tomorrow would come and we won’t have that conversation. I took it as a phase. I felt things would come back to normal once his workload is reduced. Things never changed until I gave birth.

I gave birth on Wednesday. He came to see us on a Saturday and left the following day. I told him, “Can’t you take some days off and stay with your family? The baby just arrived and you’re already leaving?” He answered, “There is a lot to be done. I will come back next weekend, you don’t have to worry.” The weekend came but he didn’t come around. He called to tell me something came up. At some point, my mom who was staying with me asked, “Is everything alright between you and your husband? It looks like he’s not happy about the child.” I protested, “He’s just busy with work. Once workload goes down he would come around.”

At first, he came on Friday night and went back early Monday morning. It changed. He came on Saturday morning and left early Sunday morning. When I asked questions, he made me feel like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. “Dear, we have a child together. This is a new baby. Can’t you put the work aside for a few days and stay with us?” He answered, “If I put work aside, what are we going to eat? I’m working hard to provide for the two of us. The least you can do is appreciate my effort and not try to run me down.”

Regardless of everything that was going wrong, he never defaulted when it came to our monthly allowance. He provided all our needs and even took up additional responsibilities. I only had to call him and ask for money and he would send it. It was his presence in our lives that was lacking. I toned down on the nagging and watched his moves as he comes in and leave as soon as possible. One evening, he slept and left his phone on the centre table. I’d never had the desire to go through my husband’s phone but that night the pull was so strong that I picked it up and try passwords until my birth date worked.

I don’t have the strength to relive all the things I saw on his phone. 

There were naughty chats with different women. Some even sent him naughty photos and from the look of things he really enjoyed receiving such photos. He was always asking these ladies to send him those photos. He called it blue photos or videos. “Hey babe,” he would say. “You know I miss you right? Please send me something blue.” Nine out of ten, these ladies would send him those photos and he would spend all night appreciating the bodies of those women. I cried a little but I didn’t blame him. I told myself, “It’s not his fault. He lives alone so he’s often lonely. That’s why he using those girls to entertain himself.” 

I put the phone down and didn’t ask him anything. I hatched a plan to play the game with him, the game of sending him blue photos and videos. One evening, after we had talked and said our goodbyes, I sent him one on Whatsapp. I turned my data off and went to sleep. I was thinking about it all through the night; “Did he like it? What does he think about it? Did I rock his world?” I woke up the following morning and turned on my data and the first message came from him. He said, “What nasty thing is that? Who taught you that and what makes you think something like this would entertain me? Don’t try that silly thing on me again. What if you accidentally sent it to someone else?”

I’ve never been embarrassed in my life. My own husband calling me silly and other derogatory names all because I sent what he had been receiving from strangers? I didn’t respond to his messages so he called. He asked, “What came over you that you sent that photo?” I answered, “Nothing. It’s ok, let’s not talk about it again. You said you don’t like it so I won’t try it again.” He probed, “I just want to know what came into your mind to send that to me?” I responded, “Nothing came to mind. I thought of surprising you. Obviously, you didn’t like it so I won’t do it again.”

I thought that would lay the matter to rest. He came back on Saturday morning and brought the topic again, “No I can’t understand what you did that day. Where did you learn that from? Or you’re cheating on me?” I’ve thought about it all week and I had come to the conclusion that you’re cheating. Is that what you’ve been doing with the guy you chat with?” He took my phone and went through it. Of course, he didn’t see anything. At that time, I wanted to bring what I saw on his phone up but I thought it was the wrong time to do it. Again, I didn’t have any evidence in case he denied it. I decided to take my time, get the evidence and show them to him.

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The next time I checked his phone, he had changed the password. Nothing I tried worked so I left it like that. He hadn’t made mention of it again but I’m worried about what’s going on in his life as we are not living together. At night, I will check his Whatsapp and he would be online. I could wake up at dawn and check on his Whatsapp and he would be online. Obviously, he would be talking to those women and no one else. They’ve taken his total attention from me and his kid. He doesn’t come home often. He would come today and he would be gone tomorrow. All he does is send us money when we need it.

There should be something I can do to bring his attention back home. I miss the days when it was only us and no one in between. When we could stay on the phone and talk all night without interference. It used to be fun and lovely. It should be more fun and lovely now that we have a kid but things are different now. 

I want to know what I can do to take his attention away from those women. I have a child but if you see me today and I don’t tell you I have a child, you may never know. I still look beautiful. I haven’t added on weight and I haven’t lost anything due to pregnancy. I still dress well and slay just like he found me and married me but today, he doesn’t give me and my child any attention. It’s all about those girls on his phone. 

This is breaking my heart and I wish there was a way I can get his attention back to me. 

—Penelope

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