Since I was born I never met my dad. I don’t know what he looks like, or how he sounds when speaks. I don’t know if I got my smile from him or if I inherited his social skills. Because I have really poor social skills. And it was made worse by the fact that I don’t have any siblings. It’s just been me and my mum my entire life. My mother too is not someone I can easily talk to. So I spent most of my childhood by myself. Due to all these factors, I don’t know how to talk to people. I could be on the phone with someone and I wouldn’t know what to say. We would just be listening to each other breathe until the person asks me a question. 

For this reason, people don’t approach me. So at the age of twenty-four, I had never been in a relationship or had shuperu with anyone. Well, that changed when I met Ernest in August, of last year. I had never been in a relationship so I accepted his proposal immediately. Just then, he wanted to have shuperu with me. I told him, “No, I am not ready.” He said, “Okay if you change your mind I’m here.” I thought we were on the same page but no, he seized every opportunity we spent together to try and get me to give in to his demand for intimacy. I have also made up my mind to save myself for marriage, so I stood my ground every time.

He became upset when he realized he wouldn’t have his way. He started ignoring my calls and my text messages. Sometimes he would answer the call and say, “I am with my sister right now so I will call you when I get home.” I would stay up waiting for his call, but he wouldn’t call until days have passed. There was a time I told myself, “I will stop calling this guy for some time so I will know how long it will take him to call me.” It was difficult but I refrained from calling him for four weeks. Throughout this period he didn’t even call or text me once. 

So I called him and asked, “You say you love me but you don’t show it. How can you not hear from me for four weeks and not even be bothered? Be honest with me, why did you propose to me?” He answered, “I care about you, honestly. I am just going through some financial challenges right now. That’s why I haven’t been present. And to answer your last question, I proposed to you because I like how hardworking and resourceful you are.” By then I was working for one of my cousins, so he started visiting me at the shop. He would sit with me at the shop for over two hours talking about his big dreams, and the building project he was working on. 

One day during his visits, he pointed to something on the wall and asked, “Is that a camera?” I said, “Yes, there are CCTV cameras all over the shop.” From that moment he became extremely uncomfortable until he left. The next time he visited, he refused to enter the shop. He stood outside and called me to come and meet him. When I went he told me, “I need some money to pay my school fees so that I can write exams. But right now all my money is locked in my building project. Can you help me out?” I remember telling him that I didn’t have money but he wouldn’t accept it. He just told me to try hard for him.

 He called me every day after that day to ask about the money and nothing else. So out of frustration, I gave him all my savings, GHC400. He continued coming to the shop after I gave him the money but he wouldn’t come inside. He would wait outside till I close and then tell me, “I’ve been waiting for you for so long that I am hungry. Buy me something to eat.” And I’d buy him whatever he wanted to eat. I didn’t have much money but I also didn’t want him to label me as a stingy person so I always gave him the little I had. 

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Just recently he called to tell me that he has completed his house so he would like to take me there. I told him, “I don’t have money for transportation. I haven’t even eaten since morning so you will have to take care of my transportation and food if I’m going anywhere with you.” This guy just said, “Well, get something to eat so that I will take you to the house another time.” I was very shocked by his response. I can see that he is not serious, and I want to cut him out of my life, but I am also afraid of losing him. I am currently twenty-five so I feel like I am getting old. With my antisocial skills, it might take a long time for me to meet someone new. I don’t even have any friends who will keep me company and ward off my loneliness.

I’m currently reading books on how to blend with people. Because I want to get better at making friends. I want to have someone in my life I can talk to and take life decisions with. Someone who will hold my hands in prayers as we intercede for each other. I need someone who will be like a sister to me and tell me all the things I don’t know about life.

Please I need practical advice on how to make and keep friends. I also find it difficult when it comes to dating and adulthood. I need general advice on navigating relationships and adult life. Thank you.

—Deborah

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