He’s my first-ever boyfriend. He proposed to me when I was about to complete SHS. When I look at where he’s in life, he looks far ahead but the age difference isn’t that wide, just about seven years gap between us. He has a good job and he’s a very good man. I was sixteen when he proposed to me. I knew about relationships then because they happened all around me while I was in boarding school. I didn’t get enough proposals from boys but the few that came my way, I said no to them. I came to the realization very early in life that relationships on campus don’t go anywhere because it’s very difficult to marry your mate.
It was all about my books until came along. I said yes to him and yet didn’t know what to expect from the relationship. I spent my last mid-term break at his house. We didn’t do anything. Even when he tried to kiss me, I pushed him away. I told him I’m not going to do that until I was eighteen or better still until I got admission to the university. He was very understanding with me. I completed school and came home. I saw him often and stayed in his house often but never did he try to push me into having sex with him. My friends didn’t believe I was a virgin. “How can you have a boyfriend and still say you’re green? How can you tell us this story?”
That made me realise the kind of man I had in my life. Many men might have forced their way through but Peter wasn’t like that. He listened to me and obeyed my instructions. When my results came in and I did very well, he was the one who threw a party for me—a party in my own house. Through that, my mother and father got to know about him. I didn’t tell them I was dating him but they might have figured it out somehow. They were not kids. They had lived my life before so they would know even before you say it.
When I was going to school, he helped out a lot. My parents did what they could but all the extras that made my life better on campus were added by Peter. He was giving me a monthly allowance. He came around on weekends and took me out. When he comes around and he is leaving, he would give me money to buy whatever I wanted. It was heaven to have such a man in my life.
I finally turned eighteen while on campus. On my birthday he asked what I wanted and I said, “I want to be with you.”
He came for me and we spent the weekend at his house. He made the first attempt to do it but he was unsuccessful. He stopped midway and said, “No, I’m not going to do this job. I can’t stand the way you’re grinding your teeth out of pain. Maybe someday.” It was a calm birthday and I enjoyed every bit of the fun I had in his house.
Currently, we’ve dated for four years and we still haven’t had success with sex. He tries and he stops mid-way. He feels he’s hurting me. I tell him to keep going but he stops. He would say something like, “I’m hurting myself too. It’s not easy. Maybe I should hire someone else to do it so I continue from there.” I will call him crazy and he’ll tell me to grow wide. It has become the joke we tell ourselves each time we try and fail.
I noticed some changes in him and started complaining about it but each time I complained, it turned into a huge argument. He would try to shut me down without offering any explanation. I’m not the kind of woman to tell me to shut up and I’ll listen so we’ll argue until he snaps.
It was about the way he treated me anytime I visited him. At first, it was all about me. His attention would be on me until I leave. All that changed. I would be in his place and he would be on the phone with whoever he was talking to for ages. He didn’t care about my presence. When the conversation gets to a point, he’ll go out and continue the conversation there. If he wasn’t on the phone talking, he would be on the phone chatting while ignoring my presence.
I asked what has changed. I asked if he had a new girlfriend. I asked the normal questions every girlfriend in my shoes will ask. Nothing personal but this guy would be so angry and tell me not to come to his place again if I don’t like to see him on his phone. I told him, “Peter, you won’t be happy if I do this to you. I don’t spend all day here. I come and leave after a few hours. Can’t you tell the person to wait until I’m gone? Am I not that important to you? It wasn’t like that at first so what changed?” He’ll brush my concern aside and treat me like a father would treat his child. He was my boyfriend and not my father so I wasn’t going to allow him to treat me like that.
One night, I called his phone and it was on call waiting. I called an hour later and it was still on call waiting. An hour later, I called again and this my boyfriend was still on the phone. I got angry and kept calling and calling until he picked up the call. He screamed, “What sort of devilish act is that? When you call don’t they tell you that I’m on the phone? Where am I going that you can’t wait for me to finish making my call?” I responded, “Peter, it had been hours. Who is that person on the other side of the phone that you can’t ask him/her to wait? Peter, you have a new girlfriend and don’t want me again. Just say it and I will understand.”
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He got angry and cut the call. I also got angry and sent him a breakup message. It was just a simple message, “Enjoy the rest of your life with your newfound girlfriend. I’m out so you can fully enjoy her.” He responded, “You think I’m going to beg you to stay? Go ahead, enjoy your life too.”
The next morning, I realized my mistake and sent him a text apologizing for it; “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have sent you that text. I didn’t mean it. I was just angry because of how you treated me. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again” He responded, “Yes, it won’t happen again because I’m not coming back into your life for you to tell me it’s over. I meant what I told you last night. Enjoy your life without me. That’s what you want so go ahead.”
Right after sending me that message he blocked me on Whatsapp. I called his phone severally and he didn’t pick up. I skipped lectures that day and went to his office to see him. This man came out, saw my face and went back to the office without saying a word to me. I was there until his break time when he came out. Immediately he saw me, he walked back in and didn’t come again until I left the compound. I’ve been in his house twice and each time, he slammed the door in my face. I’ve apologized through his friends and I’ve used my friends to apologize on my behalf. The thing hurt me so bad that I even made one of our lecturers call him to also say some for me. This guy has so far ignored all the apologies and keeps insisting that it’s over.
What Do You Look For In A Partner You Want To Settle With?–Beads Media
I don’t want it to be over. I started with him and want to end up with him. I was only playing. I said what I said because I was hurt and I’ve made it clear to him on every occasion that I get to say a word to him. He says it’s over and that I’ve tormented his life enough and he currently needs some freedom. I’ve tried my best. I’ve gone beyond myself to make him see how sorry I am but my Peter pretends he hasn’t seen how sorry I am. My friends say I should give up but they don’t understand what he means to me. It’s not easy to give up on him. I need advice. I wanted to mention his full name here so you all help me apologize to him. My friends say it might rather piss him off more. So I need some advice. What should I do again to get my Peter back?
— Rejoice
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Eeeeeiiiiiiiiiiii my sister. I no how u feel trust me, but let me give u a clue I did to my husband when we dating and I still do it .
Men begins to treat a woman anyhow the moment they realised u can’t do without them.
So first of all, IGNORE him for the mean time, don’t ever try calling or texting him again, when u happen to meet him on the streets, pretend u don’t no him and don’t make any body gestures to suggest u once knew him, let him bcam an ordinary man for u now even though u are dying inside of which I no.
The moment he sees all these, the table will turn and he will be the one apologising to u but remember not to take him back easily and don’t forget to lay your rules down for him and also dont forget to collect your compensation.
Bcos he really wants u back, he will do all what u would ask of him so pls try and do all that I have said u will see results.
I hope u get to read this.
Stay bless
The truth is that from the moment he started changing, that was when he already broke up with you in his mind or was considering it. You we no longer priority and probably became something he had to tolerate. So, trying to get back with him isn’t the best way forward cos if by any stroke of luck he accepts you, you’re very likely to suffer more than you did just before you broke up. It’s wise you accept that you’re no longer important to him and move on. It may be hard, but that’s usually how break-ups of this nature are. It’s better you bear the hurt now that the torment that awaits you going back to him unless he’s the one that comes for you. But as it stands now, he doesn’t want you and forcing it would be a rather dangerous path to tow. You don’t want to see another side of his.
Wish you all the best sis
I’m sorry to say, but i think you also know he has found someone else dont allow him to hurt you any further or treat you like a rug. I think in his mind you did him a favour by breaking up with him, its what he wanted. Let him go dont fight for someone who keeps showing you he doesnt want you.
I can feel your pain and agony. There’s only one thing you can do now. It’s clear from your description that someone is taking his attention. It’s like a goat that has seen a particular leaf he likes eating, nothing can scar it away but when it gets finished, it will come back to its senses. Send him this message, ” even if it takes a thousand years, I will wait for you” and then wait. He will come back. It’s not going to be easy, but you’ve got no choice. Waiting for him doesn’t make you cheap or a fool. Remember, good men are hard to come by these days you described him to be one.