Lantei was my first love. We fell in love when I was a teenager. I loved him so dearly that I even lost my virginity to him. I thought we would last forever but life happened. He left the country in search of greener pastures. We were so sure that we could make it work regardless of the distance between us. However, it didn’t happen that way. We drifted apart until there was nothing left of our relationship.
The next time I heard from him, he had returned to the country and he was marrying another woman. We had lost contact by then. I wasn’t even sure I would hear from him again. So in his absence, I tried to find love. Something as beautiful as what we shared. After three failed relationships, I didn’t find what I was looking for.
After eight years of losing touch with my first love, Lantei and I eventually reconnected. While he was doing well financially, I was struggling. He didn’t like my situation so he took it upon himself to send me money whenever he could. “If you need something and you can’t afford it, come and ask me. I will give you what you need,” he promised.
I could use the help, so I took him up on his offer. It felt nice to be taken care of. It even felt nicer to have Lantei back in my life. The ease with which we reconnected, you wouldn’t know we were ever separated. We texted each other every day. He would call me and we would have long conversations. There was nothing going on in my life that he didn’t know about.
Before I knew what was happening, we started talking about our love for each other. “I never stopped loving you,” he confessed. “I have been searching for you in other men,” I admitted. I always looked forward to his calls and texts. Old firewoods easily catch fire, that’s what they say. I have seen with my eyes that it’s true.
He holds a very special place in my heart. The knowledge that he is married did not stop me from getting attached to him. You could even say I was clingy. Men came my way but I didn’t give any of them a chance. I would watch them pour their hearts at my feet, then I would turn around and tell Lantei all about them. “What was the look on his face when you rejected him?” He asked as often as I brought him tales of my lovesick suitors.
Every time he asked, I took my time and delved into details of the many ways I broke the hearts of those poor poor souls. We would laugh at them together and he’d encourage me to ignore them. Because our relationship was long-distance, sometimes I slept with some of the men who wanted a relationship with me. I had to get my sexual needs met, you know.
According to the rules of our relationship, shuperu with other men was not considered cheating as long as Lantei knew about them. So I told him everything. “Was he good? Did you have fun? Tell me everything,” he liked to hear the details of my escapades.
“Oh, this particular one didn’t know what he was doing. I just wanted him to hurry up and finish.”
“He was okay. He didn’t blow my mind or dickmatize me, if that’s what you are asking.”
“It was good. I liked everything he did but he wasn’t you so it was purely physical. There was nothing intimate about it.”
These were some of the things I said to him, depending on how the sex went. Our relationship didn’t make sense but it worked for us. Then I got diagnosed with PCOS when I was nearing my thirties. I was worried it would affect my chances of having kids later in life. So I suggested, “Babe, we should have a baby together before it becomes too late for me.” We are in love, are we not? Surely, we can have a baby to cement our love. That’s what I thought.
Him? He blatantly refused. He said, “I already have two kids with my wife. Why would I want any more kids? I am done.” I was hurt. I thought he loved me enough to give me what I wanted. But his response showed me he didn’t. So I made up my mind to move on quietly without his knowledge. The goal was to get someone to have a child with me.
Somewhere in September, he was in the country. Prior to his coming, we made a lot of plans, just as we always did. To my surprise, he came and started behaving coldly toward me. “What’s the problem? What changed between us?” I asked. His response was a stone cold, “Nothing is wrong.” He then cancelled all our plans.
One of the plans was a program in the central region. He wasn’t available so I went without him. I met someone over there and immediately fell in love with him. I was completely swept off my feet by this guy. It turned out that a cousin of mine knew him and had already spoken to him about me. So we hit it off easily.
On the Monday after the event, this new guy asked me to be his girlfriend. And I accepted his proposal immediately. He said things to me that made me feel loved. The next day I went to see him and we did everything. I was just trying to prove to Lantei that I could have any man I wanted.
As my relationship with this guy progressed, I started noticing certain things about him that didn’t sit well with me. First, he was always moody on Tuesdays. He said, “It’s my soul day so I have to spend the day reflecting on my life.” If that’s the case then why did we have shuperu on a Tuesday?
The other thing he started doing was to ask me for money. I never gave him anything but I started wondering about the kind of person he is. So at the end of the month, I texted him, “I missed my period. I took a test and it’s positive.” Of course, it was a lie.
He freaked out so badly that I had to tell him, “Calm down. It was a prank.” There and then, he broke up with me. I apologized but he said he couldn’t trust me anymore. I begged him but he wouldn’t listen. He blocked me everywhere.
After I got over him, Lantei and I started talking again. He asked what was going on in my life. And I stupidly narrated everything that happened with the new guy to him. I expected us to make jokes and laugh about it as usual. First, he made fun of me. Then, he called me and said; “I can’t continue with this relationship anymore. It’s over.” I lost everything within two days.
He Says He Can’t Date Me Because I’m Too Beautiful
I felt like my Lantei was looking for a way to run away from our relationship and I unknowingly gave him a perfect exit. He claims the reason he changed when he came to Ghana was because I refused to put my SIM cards in a phone he bought for me. He felt disrespected.
I lost my sponsor because of my stupidity. I am not mad. I have learned my lessons. Now that I have moved on, I will do better in my next relationship. As for the other guy, I curse the day I laid my eyes on him and fell in love with him.
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—A.K
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A.k am sure lantei was singing you praise but insulted you saying you are here clinging to something that’s not yours and is also taking for granted the love other men. You were being childish and stupid so he fueled your stupidity by helping you to insult and humiliate them. Also the reason y he has changed was because in his mind you are doing this to other men what makes you think you won’t do same to him. My dear move on never repeat such a childish and stupid act again. Do unto others what you want others to do to you. You would have been in a serious relationship or married but due to your behaviour you are lonely now. Lanteis purpose was to waste your time. And he has achieved it but it’s never to late. You were once childish and stupid but now wise up and never ever commit such deeds again. No one likes a loosed mouth and an unwise person. A word to the wise is enough.