I started going to church after a family member passed, and I saw this handsome priest celebrating Mass. I didn’t know his name, but when I asked more about how to join the Church, I was told to do the OCIA program. So I joined.

I feel sorry to say that I was hoping I would see him there, but it was actually a different priest—young and very funny. I was partly relieved that the other one was not there. But the weeks passed, and I started becoming closer to this new priest. At first, I felt just happy when he would come and talk to me after Mass, but after a while, I became dependent on talking to him and wanting to see him.

I would take any opportunity I had to be involved in church if that meant having a chance to see him. People started to think that I was devoted. I fooled myself into thinking that it was actually God who was the reason I always wanted to be there. But I used to shake in anticipation and cry after seeing him because I knew I could never be with him.

I made comments implying attraction more than once, and I asked him for a hug once. He said he couldn’t hug me and is not allowed to feel anything towards me because he is a priest. Still, after that, he would be open, friendly, and kind toward me. I kept in my mind the time that he said I am amazing. I couldn’t take the heartbreak and frustration anymore.

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

I was always in pain; I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I went to Mass only to see him and talk to him, and my heart used to break every time I didn’t. One day, I talked to a different priest and told him how I felt about the other priest. He recommended going to a different parish, but I saw no point in doing that. I left the church. I just left it all behind me. It’s been months, and I miss him, though I fear he probably doesn’t care at all, and that hurts.

—Nina   

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