I didn’t hide my martial status from her. I was wearing my ring when I proposed to her. She asked me, “Are you sure your wife won’t come here and beat me?” 

My wife had a new baby and it didn’t look like she was going to travel anytime soon to where my new job had sent me so I told her, “No Cindy, it’s not likely that she’s going to come here. If anything, I’m the one who will be visiting them every now and then.” 

She asked again, “And you’re sure she’s not going to curse me when she finds out? I’m asking all these questions because I don’t want this to bring trouble to me.” I calmed her fears when I told her my wife was a high-ranking member of the church we attend. “How can she curse you? And how is she going to know about us? Are you going to tell her?” 

Once her fears were addressed, she melted in my arms and a relationship started. She lives a few blocks away from where I live, just three or four minutes’ walking distance between us. She was the woman who helped me resettle when I was thrown here. A guy in my new office introduced her to me when I got transferred here and needed a place to live. He told me, “There’s a lady I know who can help you get a place in no time. Cindy.” 

We got introduced and the first thing I noticed about her was her beauty. She smiled a lot and showed a lot of courtesy in her dealings with me. She got me the place within a week and assembled a team to put it in shape for me. 

When I needed a painter, she brought me one. When I needed an electrician, she said, “Here you are.” So when I needed a woman to warm my bed, I needed not to talk to anyone but herself. She liked me too but she was careful because of the ring I was wearing. She thought I would use her and run back to my wife. I told her, “No, that’s not the case. It’s a new place here and I work on Saturdays so I may not even go home often.”

She became my girlfriend, and even when tongues started wagging, she disregarded them and stayed true to me. She’ll cook for me and wash for me. When we ran out of water and the tap wasn’t flowing, she ensured I had water in my tank every day. Honestly, I didn’t lack anything in this town because of this lady. She took her part in my life seriously and I was very appreciative of that. 

Everything was great until she started showing some signs of jealousy anytime we had a conversation and I mentioned my wife. She would be like, “We’ll all get married one day so we too can say ‘my husband’. God no go shame us.” One day she came straight at me; “You’re not the only married man in this world so when we are talking, stop saying “and my wife that and my wife this,” I don’t like it. How do you want me to feel when you always want to remind me that I’m not the right owner of the place I’m occupying in your life? It’s annoying, so stop it.” 

We had a lengthy conversation around it and I told her I didn’t know I was bringing my wife into our conversations. I apologized and promised not to do it again. Not too long afterwards, I did it again and she stormed out of my room. For a whole week, this girl did not talk to me or did anything for me. I had to go hungry all week because she wouldn’t cook for me. When the anger in her heart defrosted, she came back telling me not to repeat that mistake again. 

For close to three months, I didn’t go home. I was working every weekend so it became hard for me to go home. I was talking to my family every day. Whatever they needed, I sent to them. We had a holiday that fell on a Friday. That weekend I wasn’t working so I decided to go home and see my family. I told her about it and she was OK. The day I was leaving, I realized she wasn’t happy about it but she couldn’t stop me. I got home and Cindy started bombarding me with calls. When I could, I picked it. When I couldn’t, I ignored it. When I ignore her calls, she would send me a text accusing me of cheating on her with my wife. “Hey Cindy, are you alright? What has come over you? How could you say such a thing?” In fact, everything she did annoyed me so I told her, “I can see you’re not ready for this so it’s over between us. You knew I was married before you said yes to me so you can’t come and police my life when I’m with my wife. It’s over.”

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I told her it was over but when I came back, I was the one who went to her. I apologized for my outburst because I needed her help with what I will eat and some other house chores. But after that, we had a serious conversation where we both agreed on what to do going forward. She would respect my marriage and won’t come between me and my wife. In return, I will give her my all and won’t mention my wife when I’m with her. When she was around, I didn’t pick up my wife’s calls nor do anything that will bring my wife’s name into our conversations. We had peace until one day my wife decided to visit me. 

Cindy said no my wife can’t visit. 

“This is my territory. I don’t go to where she is so I don’t expect her to come here too.” 

“What do you mean? That’s my wife we are talking about here. What do you mean she can’t come here?”

“Do you want people to laugh at me? How do you expect me to act knowing that your wife is around and I live just a few blocks away from here? No, don’t let her come here. You can go there and I don’t care but don’t let her come here.” 

It turned into a fight with no clear winner. Hearts were involved and hearts don’t make sense so I had to appeal to her mind. I told her I couldn’t stop my wife from coming if she wanted to come. “It’s her place and can come around whenever she wants. For us to enjoy what we are doing, I don’t have to create doubt in her mind. There can only be happiness between us when she’s free of doubt and is happy too. Don’t make things more complicated than it already is.”

“What about my own happiness? Do you care about that?” She asked me. I answered, “She’s not coming to stay here forever. You’ll be happy in no time. Just bear with me.”

My wife’s presence in town was the worst period in my life. Cindy would call to threaten me that she was coming around. She would come to the house and pretend she was there for something else. She was all over the place reminding me of her existence in my life. I sneaked into her place one evening and she wanted shuperu. Instead of shuperu, I gave her the money on me. It was almost GHC1,000. She took the money and left me. 

Since then, anytime my wife wants to come around, I have to give her that much before I’ll have my peace. She helps a lot when I’m alone. It’s the reason she’s here in the first place. The last time I threatened I’ll leave her, she told me if I try my wife will hear everything. That’s where she got me. 

30 People Advice Their Ex and Talk About Why It Didn’t Work–Beads Media

Our marriage has seen a lot of troubled phases and it’s about all it can take. One more trouble like this will scatter everything. It’s the reason I pay her that much to calm her down anytime my wife comes around, and she comes around often these days because I’m not able to go home due to my work schedule. My wife is even making plans to relocate to this place fully. The only barrier is job opportunities. There’s nothing for her to do here.

I’m looking for a new place but this is a small town. Wherever I go, Cindy will find me. I’ll leave regardless but my problem now is how to get her off my back without her causing trouble in my marriage. What we have now is no longer exciting. It has become a business for her and a loss to me. I can’t continue and I’ve told her. All she has now are threats and threat to my marriage is the only weapon that brings me to my knees. I need a way out and not insults. When this finally ends, I swear I’ll never try such a thing again. I’ve tasted pepper and my mouth is burning. Please give me water. 

–Junior

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