He had been trying to get my attention for a while on Facebook messenger but I wasn’t responsive. Then on July 16th, 2020, he sent a message again. This time, I decided to check if I knew him personally before I reply to his message. I tapped on his profile and realized we had about twenty mutual friends who were all from my church. However, his profile picture didn’t look like someone I knew. So I got curious and decided to reply to his message. We started chatting then and I realized that he was a member of my church but we never met because I didn’t like going to church.

I had a lot of time on my hands at that time, so our conversations got personal in a short time. We spoke about a lot of things, including church, family, and work. It was at that time that I realized he was in the UK. He told me, “I have been monitoring your Facebook account for a while. And I am glad that I finally caught your attention.” He was interesting and fun to talk to and so I liked him almost immediately. Our first phone call lasted for a couple of hours. We talked as if we were long-lost best friends even though we barely knew each other. That day, we moved from chatting on Facebook messenger to chatting on WhatsApp.

The chemistry was great and so the following day when he proposed, I gave him a yes almost immediately. I was concerned about the long distance between us but my guts told me to go for it, and so I did. He was straightforward about what he wanted from me. He said, “I know we haven’t met each other yet, but I want a relationship that will lead to marriage. And I hope this one does.” I liked him for that directness.

We spent every day on the phone, either via video or WhatsApp call. The only time we didn’t talk was when he was at work, and even with that, the little time he got he would call. You know, when a man loves and cherishes you he would do anything to show that you are worthy of his time. That’s exactly how he made me feel. Anytime we talked he would assure me, “Don’t worry, I will come to Ghana as soon as the ban on travelling is lifted, so we get to see each other.” And when the ban got lifted, he planned to come to Ghana in December. However he was not granted leave from work, so we had to reschedule.

While we were waiting for him to come down for official introductions, he talked to my mother about his intentions toward me. We also picked a date we could work toward. We were just trying to work things out before his arrival. Although it looked like we had a perfect relationship, we didn’t. We had a few misunderstandings here and there, but they never broke us apart. The long distance did not threaten to break us apart either. We were focused because we knew where we wanted to end up.

Everything was going on smoothly until I started getting lonely. I was in a committed relationship with a man who was miles away, but my body had needs. I tried to remain strong but I am only human. One lapse in judgment and I cowered to the desires of my flesh. Thinking about it now makes my heart bleed. I didn’t tell anyone about my transgression but somehow my boyfriend got wind of it and asked me about it. I denied it vehemently, “Me? With someone else? Whoever told you must be mistaken. I don’t even know that man in question.” He trusted me so he believed me, and never pursued the issue.

However, my guilt got the better part of me. I felt I couldn’t go on with the marriage if I didn’t come clean. I felt it would hurt him more if the truth came out after we were married. So I told him everything that happened. It was something I felt truly remorseful about, and I hoped he would forgive me. However, he took it harder than I imagined. He cried a lot, and I was so ashamed of myself for causing him that kind of pain. He had faith in me, and I broke his trust.

Our relationship went from sweet to sour overnight, even though we never stopped calling each other. I regretted what I did but most importantly, I regretted telling him about it. If I had kept everything to myself, our relationship wouldn’t see such a dark night. But then I consoled myself by saying that it was the honourable thing to do. Why keep such a big secret for a man who has done nothing but opens himself up to me? He was so transparent with me that I knew his routine off my head. I could guess where he was at all times. We were not together physically but I went with him wherever he went via video call. That was how open he was with me. It felt as if we were together sharing the same space.

His love for me was true, but I messed up. Whatever plans we made came to a standstill but he couldn’t ask me for a breakup because I kept begging him to forgive me. On May 13th, he sent me a text saying he was going for training. I knew the time he would close and so when it was past time and I hadn’t seen his call I got worried. I called him severally but it didn’t go through. Just around 7:00 PM of the same day, he called me with his Ghana number. I was confused. “I just spoke to this guy at 9:00 AM in London and now what?” I wondered. When I picked up the call he said, “I just arrived in Ghana, just letting you know.” I was surprised.

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He came to see me four days later, but he didn’t stay for long. I had mixed feelings. I didn’t know if I should be happy that he came to see me, or continue to ask for his forgiveness. My conscience battled with me. Everything he did showed he still loved me, but he was finding it difficult to forget about what I had done. I became so worried that I lost weight. I was determined to get him back at all costs by showing him I was sorry, and that I had genuinely changed. But it was difficult to get through to him. We spoke the entire time he was in Ghana but there was no talk about our marriage plans. I called him on 10th June to ask about his well-being but I could hear he was at the airport. I honestly thought he was travelling from Accra to Kumasi or vice versa.

He told me very early the next morning that he was in London. I cried my eyes out that day because I felt so hurt. Communication slowed down for some time but it picked up again, and I was hopeful that the rope I held onto these past few months would be raised again. But alas, I have been left hanging. Through it all my mom and sister have been my support system. They could see through me even when I hadn’t opened my mouth. I was heavily scolded by my mom but they say a mother’s love is worth more than rubies, so I took it well. She still asks me about him sometimes. He was a good man but like he always told me, “You can’t eat your cake and have it.” I messed things up, I know. He officially broke up with me just recently. It hurts but at least, now I know where I stand.

—Alice

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