I got pregnant for a man I had loved since high school, and I still can’t believe how much I gave up for him.

Instead of chasing my dream of becoming a solicitor of the Supreme Court, I let my boyfriend pull me into motherhood, and that choice changed everything.

So, I met N in high school. He was my first love, and I believed we were made for each other. At first, everything felt perfect. There was no cheating, no drama, and nothing seemed wrong. But maybe I was too in love to see the red flags.

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But things changed in university. He started denying me to people and acted like we weren’t together. He flirted with other girls, but we were still together. Then he left for the States and broke up with me over the phone. He said that his church didn’t support dating, and even though I knew it was a lie, I believed it.

Then Ken came into my life. He was kind and steady, and my family loved him. For once, I got to play hard to get, and I enjoyed that feeling. I told him to wait until after service before I gave him an answer, but I never got to say yes—because N came back.

N knew my soft spots and used them. He said he had changed and wanted to build a life with me. He said all the right things, and I fell for it. I went back to him.

When I found out I was pregnant while still in law school, I dropped out to have the child. I did it for the same man who once told me his church didn’t support dating and the man who once lied about panties in his room and said they belonged to his cousin.

I thought having his child would change him, but it didn’t. He kept living like nothing had happened, and he moved through life as if he hadn’t torn mine apart.

I watch my mates get called to the bar, and I bow my head in shame. I wonder what my life would be if I had made a different choice. He hasn’t even saved my name in his phone, and I’m the mother of his child. Just my number sitting there, unsaved, while others have their names saved with emojis and sweet words.

His mother doesn’t make things easier either. She looked me in the eye and said he already has a future planned with someone else. She said they would compensate me, as if my life and dignity were things they could buy.

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I have wasted a huge chunk of my life on my high school lover; I fumbled a good man and I didn’t become the lawyer I was supposed to

But I am healing. I am learning. I will go back to law school, and I will finish what I started. I will love again. I wasted years on a boy I thought was my destiny, and I let go of a good man. But I’m not done. Karma will find N where it hurts most.

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