I met Arsh on a dating site. I had signed up on the app for a few days and wanted to delete it because I only met jokers. However, Arsh sent me “Hello” right before I could delete it. I figured I’d just reply and see how things go. After I texted back “Hi”, everything else flowed smoothly. We had meaningful and interesting conversations. I really enjoyed talking to him. He was the only person on the app I had that kind of mature interaction with.

After a few days of talking on the app, I gave him my phone number and he texted me on WhatsApp.

I would say we developed feelings for each other before we could even meet face to face. We would exchange photos and talk almost the entire day of every day. When we felt ready, he invited me for a lunch date and we met at a hotel in Nairobi. That was where we met for the first time. I honestly didn’t like him at first. It was because he is short while I am tall.

Anyone who knows me knows that I like my men tall. I don’t look at short men let alone consider dating them. However, I couldn’t have walked away from Arsh that very day. So I decided to stick around and get through the first date. To my surprise, the date was great. I even forgot about the height difference. I enjoyed every bit of our encounter. And when I went home that evening, I wrote him a text thanking him for the date. For the first time in my life, I decided to give a short man a chance to love me.

Everything was perfect. He promised me heaven on earth. He even wanted to meet my people but I told him, “What’s the rush? Let’s first get to know each other well.” He agreed and we slowed things down a bit.

As the relationship progressed he came to my house and spent an entire weekend with me. Then on December 21 of that year, I went to Rongai at his place because the following day was my birthday. I was happy to wake up next to him on my birthday. And I was even happier to spend the day with him. He gifted me a watch, earrings, and a necklace. In my history of birthdays, this particular one was the best birthday I ever had.

Our problems started when I went to spend a week at his place while there was a renovation at my apartment. I noticed a few things while I was there. They were the kind of things that could punch holes in our relationship. I was concerned but I didn’t say anything. It was after I went back to my place that I brought it to his attention. “I noticed that every time you get home from work you call your female co-worker just to make sure she arrived home safely from work. What makes her special enough to get that kind of attention from you?” You should see this guy denying it. He said he did no such thing.

Another red flag I noticed was how highly he spoke of his neighbour and his best friend. These two were both women. When I brought it to his attention he denied that one too. As if that wasn’t enough he started withdrawing from me.

If I text him he would take forever to answer, or when I call he wouldn’t pick up or return my call.

He used to tell me everything he did during the day and sent me photos of his activities. But he stopped doing all that for no reason known to me.

I am someone who likes consistency so it wasn’t easy for me to put up with the changes in his behavior.

One Sunday morning, I texted him “Good morning” and he replied at night. When I asked him why he did that, he said; “I was with my dad. We were looking at a piece of land we want to buy.” That was a lame excuse but I just said “Thanks” and then ghosted him for one week.

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I thought my absence would reset his brain and remind him of what he might lose if he didn’t change. But this guy couldn’t be bothered. He didn’t even call or text me for the entire week I ghosted him. I was the one who texted him first. As soon as he saw my text he said, “I knew you would come to your senses and text me.” I was hurt by his response but I still stayed with him hoping he would change.

I texted him one night and he replied in the morning saying he was at his female neighbour’s place playing games so he couldn’t reply to my message. That was the day Arsh told me to find another man. He said, “I have lost interest in you. I am sorry.” My heart broke into pieces at that very moment. I cried uncontrollably. I developed anxiety for the first time. The man I thought was my end game just broke my heart.

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It’s been a year now since he broke my heart but I still love him. I still think about him although I know he married either his neighbor or his co-worker. I’ve never deleted his number so I sometimes view his status.

Sometimes you think you have the best thing only to realise it was all fake and full of empty promises. I don’t date short men but I made an exception for him, and he hurt me. I don’t think I will ever get involved with a short man again. I pray that I forget him soon so I can move on with my life.

—Cate, Kenya

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