My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 years. When we were in our 14th year of dating, I informed him I could no longer continue doing a couple of things with him for several reasons. One of them was that I had rededicated my life wholly to God thirteen years ago. However, over the years, I had gone back on that commitment and grown tired of going through the same cycle.

What was I doing with a man for 15 whole years? Didn’t we talk about getting married? I did. I brought up the conversation most days, but without actually saying the word no, he made it clear that marriage was not something he was ready for.

I continued hoping against all odds that God would touch his heart. I started praying intensely about our union, and after spending some time seeking God, I kept receiving a particular scripture in my spirit, Psalm 127. I even had a dream. In the dream, I essentially felt that the message for me was to leave him, but again, I woke up from that dream still holding on to hope.

READ ALSO: I’m the Only One of Four Sisters With This Condition, and My Love Life Is in Shambles

Last year, I was going through some financial challenges. I didn’t feel like asking my boyfriend for help because, to me, our relationship had boiled down to just sex. I was tired, and I did not want to feel like a bother to him because it would give him the upper hand, and I didn’t want that.

So, I turned to another man I met almost two years earlier through a co-worker. This man saw my picture on her phone and went crazy over me. After pressuring me for a while, I allowed my contact to be exchanged with him, and we started chatting on the phone. I found him annoying and irritating, but out of decency and because I did not want to hurt his feelings, I kept up the charade of being his friend.

He was the person I went to for help, but they say men don’t give things out for free. He agreed to give me the money, but it was not free. It cost me sex.

This has happened on four different occasions. Recently, we had sex twice, not in exchange for money but because I wanted to, I guess. This man does not love me, and his actions and words make that clear, even though he keeps saying, “I love you.” He says I am boring in bed, but honestly, I do not think I am. I am more than willing to experiment as long as it does not involve anal sex or DJing on the microphone.

But the truth is that I feel so uncomfortable and bored with him. After these last two encounters that were not transactional, I realised that I did not feel like myself. I felt frustrated and dejected, almost as though my life was being rendered useless.

I guess the assault I experience when he has sex with me somehow makes me feel alive. He is very rough and maintains an erection for a very long time.

Anyways, because I was feeling guilty, dirty, cheap, and frustrated, I decided to tell my 15-year boyfriend what had happened. I did not tell him as my boyfriend but as a friend. Over the years, we have built a friendship where we can tell each other anything.

He was furious. He started saying that, over the past three years, I had denied him consensual sex and that he had been forced to take it from me twice during that period. Yet, here I was, giving it away willingly to another man. He said I could have come to him for the money because he would have given it to me. I could have gone to him for money, but I didn’t want to do that. I only turn to him when I cannot make ends meet, and those occasions are few and far between.

I asked for a breakup. This is a man who cheated on me several times during our relationship. He even got another woman pregnant while we were still together. When I asked for a breakup, I was surprised by his reaction. He literally bawled his eyes out that day.

He said, “I am building you a house. That is why I want to complete it before we get married.” He kept throwing questions at me, asking why I was doing what I was doing to him. He also said that all the things we had stopped doing together had added a lot of stress to his life and that I should understand how he felt as a man.

I really did not want to hurt him, but when I think about everything that has happened, I cannot help but feel that he was tasting his own medicine and could not take it. He cheated on me multiple times. He got another woman pregnant while we were together, asked me to move on, but came back into my life months later. Now that I have done something as little as compared to what he has done to me, he is devastated.

I did not set out to hurt him, but I believe in being honest, no matter how brutal the truth may be. He should just understand that the pain and difficulties are not meant to kill us but serve their own purpose in our lives.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

As for the other man, I know I need to send him packing out of my life as well. Right now, I just want to be by myself and face God squarely. I want restoration to His grace and the redemption of my soul.

I have been carrying so much guilt, frustration, and disappointment, and I need time away from these relationships to find myself again. But one question keeps coming back to me: Was I wrong to tell my boyfriend the truth?

—Edith

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB<>