I know I have a problem. I’ve been thinking about my life’s choices recently and everything points to the fact that I have a huge problem but what’s this problem called?
I left my boyfriend of two years because he cheated on me. Before he cheated, there were other issues that made me want to leave him so when the cheating issues happened, it became the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
When I left him, the next guy I fell in love with had a girlfriend. They were getting close to marriage and I knew it but I didn’t mind. I loved him that much and that was all that mattered. I didn’t beg him to choose me over his girlfriend. I was okay knowing he loved me too. A year later, he got married and travelled with his new wife. We still talk. He tells me he still loves and I tell him I love him too, knowing very well I can’t have him.
When he left, I had guys coming my way but I gave myself reasons to say no to all of them. One day, a man approached me at a bar and took my number. Days later, he proposed and I said yes.
This man had a ring on his finger when we met. Later I got to know he’s married with three kids. It didn’t bother me. I loved him to the point where I became obsessed with him. It wasn’t about the money because he didn’t give me much. I just loved him because he chose me.
When he left the scene, I told myself, “They always leave so why don’t I get two or more at a time? When one leaves, there would be another to cater for my broken heart.”
I fell in love with a married man and another guy who told me his girlfriend was his cousin. When I found out he was lying, I still stayed. These two guys are still in my life and I want to believe I love them equally.
Why do I always fall in love with men who already have something going on for them? My friend tells me it’s a sickness because I’m always after what I can’t have for myself—in her words, “You love unavailable men and that’s your problem. Seek help.”
Where do I begin the help from? The only help I know is the one that comes from above so I started praying and fasting about it. I pray and later go to spend the night with the married man. After fasting, I go to the guy whose girlfriend is his cousin to spend time with him but how can my prayers work when I can’t let these people go?
These two have become my emotional support and it’s becoming hard to let them go.
Is there a solution to a problem like this? They say counseling can help but I doubt it because even prayers couldn’t solve it.
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—Dasha
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Do you know what your problem is? I believe its the non renewal of your mind. You cleave to things that aren’t yours so in the end they leave. You have to let go of such behaviour. The prayers did not work because you didn’t mean them from your heart. God is not man to be mocked. You were making a mockery of him by going back to these men. A change comes with a realisation after that you work hard not entertain such thoughts and men in your life. Y cleave to things that are not yours ? It’s makes no sense let it go and work hard to obtain things that are yours so that it will stay. The universe is a rewarder of good and evil. The moment you realise this is what you want and it’s good it will do what it takes to help you achieve them. You are not sick you just need direction to the right path. Your hardwork is your success. Remember in order to be free ,you have to cut whatever that binds you to them. It’s just like a tied human , the moment the ropes are cut he becomes a free man. So are you.
You are a sl*t, a h*e , who likes to be used . You just belong to the streets. Nothing I wrong with you. That’s the purpose you have been called to serve
You are suffering from low self esteem. You are trying to protect yourself from heartbreak by going for someone you believe is not yours and cannot be yours right from the beginning. You are running away from commitment. It’s scarry out there but you deserve better. Take a break and Start by loving yourself. If you do love yourself, you will not condescend to second hand men. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Your problems are luck of emotional maturity and self-love. You always rely on people for your happiness. That’s why you always cling on to men who are already attached.
Madam nobody can make you happy apart from yourself,so learn to love yourself and find happiness within.
For the married men, continue praying to God, he will deliver you one day.
Dasha, it’s clear that you’re struggling with a pattern of becoming emotionally involved with men who are already in committed relationships. While it’s commendable that you’ve started praying and fasting, addressing this issue may require a multi-pronged approach, and seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, is an excellent place to begin:
Acknowledge the Pattern: The first step to finding a solution is recognizing that you have a pattern that’s causing you emotional distress. You’ve already taken this step by reaching out and sharing your situation.
Therapy or Counseling: Professional therapy or counseling can be instrumental in helping you understand the root causes of this pattern. A qualified therapist can provide insight into why you are attracted to unavailable men and help you develop strategies to break this pattern. They can assist you in exploring your past, self-esteem, attachment style, and other factors that may be contributing to this behavior.
Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Work on building your self-esteem and self-worth. Understanding your value as an individual is crucial. Therapy can help in this regard, but you can also engage in self-help activities like journaling and self-affirmations.
Establish Boundaries: Learning how to set healthy boundaries is essential. This involves recognizing your own needs and communicating them clearly. Setting boundaries with these men, and with others in your life, can help prevent you from getting involved in similar situations in the future.
Supportive Friends and Family: Lean on your support network of friends and family. Discuss your feelings and struggles with them and let them provide emotional support. Sometimes, talking with loved ones can be therapeutic in itself.
Mindfulness and Self-Care: Engage in mindfulness practices and self-care. This can help you become more in tune with your emotions and reduce impulsive actions. Activities like meditation, exercise, and hobbies can contribute to your overall well-being.
Avoid Temptation: In the short term, it’s important to distance yourself from these men, at least until you have a better handle on your own emotional well-being. This may involve limiting or ending contact with them, even if it’s difficult.
Set Clear Goals: Reflect on what you want in your relationships. Setting clear goals can help you make decisions that align with what you truly desire.
Patience and Persistence: Changing patterns of behavior takes time. Be patient with yourself and recognize that there may be setbacks along the way. The important thing is to keep trying and not give up.
Seek Professional Help: In addition to therapy or counseling, consider consulting a life coach or relationship coach who specializes in these areas. They can provide more specific guidance and support tailored to your situation.
Remember that seeking professional help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength and a proactive step toward improving your emotional health and well-being. The path to change can be challenging, but it is certainly possible. You deserve healthy, fulfilling relationships, and with the right support and effort, you can achieve that.
-Atieno-
Girlfriend, I suggest you give yourself a break from all forms of relationships especially from married men. I understand you perfectly well. Please don’t condemn yourself okay , you deserve better so put yourself first in all do .
if it’s work that you doing focus on it . sometimes it’s good to be selfish, think about you only and how to grow in Christ , your finance and even know those you call friends and the ones you won’t tolerate .
HAVE STANDARD , SET BOUNDARY, and DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS
Don’t be like anything goes . You need to be hard on yourself even when you crave for it. If you have to cry ; CRY to yourself until you are relieved . it’s a therapy and trust me you will sure get the one you deserve , above all NEVER DEPART FROM THE DOINGS OF THE LORD
Anyway call me 0543600286 lets be friends