Dee is my everything. When I say everything, I mean best friend, gossip partner, confidante, partner in crime, sister, and mother. When I met her seven years ago in secondary school, I did not know that she would come to mean this much to me. She was a few years ahead of me but we became fast friends.

Right from the moment I met her, we formed a bond that has only grown stronger and thicker over the years. After high school, we found ourselves in the same university. She was still ahead of me but none of that came between us. We found time to talk, share secrets, cheer each other up when we were down, and show up for each other at all times.

On campus, you wouldn’t see either of us without the other. Wherever she goes, I am there. Wherever I go she follows. We don’t offer the same program but our coursemates that we are inseparable. Our parents also know that we are like two peas in a pod. She has been nothing but a good friend to me. And I love her so much that I know I will always choose her. Even if we were to die today and be reincarnated tomorrow, I will find her and choose her.

I am not the kind of person who makes friends easily so she has been my only friend all these years. Because I find it difficult to meet new people, I haven’t been able to date. Dee too was single until we got to the university. She met a guy she liked and they started dating. I didn’t have a problem with this except for the fact that her family had warned her not to bring home any man from the guy’s tribe.

She knew their relationship had no future, as far as her family was concerned but love blinded her. Whatever they shared felt good at the moment, so she convinced herself that they had something special. She knew I wouldn’t encourage her to do something that would bring drama into her life so she never introduced me to this guy. I only heard stories about him from everything she told me.

Based on the stories she told me, I concluded that the guy was toxic. I told her, “Dee, I don’t want you to get hurt but this relationship looks like a waste of time. Your family will never approve of him. Besides, he is not right for you. I don’t like him.” She wasn’t happy with my disapproval but she told me, “Okay. If you don’t like him then I am done with him.” I didn’t believe she would go through with it but true to her words, she ignored him until their relationship faded. Honestly, when this happened I felt bad. I kept asking myself, “If she left her boyfriend because of me, does that make me selfish?”

Thankfully, we were able to put all that drama behind us and move on. A few weeks ago she started working. Someone she met at work introduced her to a friend who may be more than ten to fifteen years older than her. She came to tell me all about him and I listened. Recently, she attended a program and this older guy came around. After the event ended, she left the place with him.

She said they roamed in town and she met his friends. They asked him in front of her, “Is she the one?” This gave her the impression that the guy is interested in her. The kind of conversations they had pointed to the fact that he might propose love to her very soon. “If he asks me to be his girlfriend, I will say yes,” she announced.

I did not want to be a wet blanket on her excitement but I was also worried that she was doing something rush. So I asked her if his age didn’t bother her. She responded, “Is it only about age? He has money I can spend. I have suffered in this life. This is my chance to enjoy soft life.”

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I asked her to take her time and think things through before she commits herself to another relationship. This upset her. She said I wasn’t reasoning with her. “Dee, age matters to me so I will not date an older man. However, if it doesn’t matter to you, that’s fine. Go ahead and do whatever makes you happy.” She did not like my answer.

There and then she resolved, “This is the last time I am opening up to you about my romantic life. I will just keep you informed about who I am dating but don’t expect me to go into details.” This has been bugging me for the past few days. We have come a long way for a man she is not even dating yet to tear us apart. I don’t know if I am being too possessive. It’s just that I don’t want to lose her.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being selfish because I don’t want to share her. I want to know what I’m not doing right so that I can fix it. Or is it that we are both not doing something right? I am also thinking that if I put myself out there and start dating, the bond between us will be reduced.

I believe I am so attached to her because I lost my mum when I was ten, and she filled a part of that void for me when she became my school mother in secondary school. This is why she is everything to me. I want to know what I should do to help keep my peace and sanity. I’m not well because of our issues and it’s breaking my heart.

—Bb 

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