I met Javan online two months ago. He was so good at getting my attention. The vibe and the connection were something I hadn’t experienced with anyone in two years. He knew what to say to make my heart do flip-flops in my chest. He was just perfect.

We talked online for some time before we exchanged contacts. Everything was great, he would call to check up on me anytime he got the chance. I was so convinced that he was head over heels in love with me. He didn’t hide his intentions from me. He let me know he wanted to have a romantic relationship with me. Although I was not keen on a relationship by then, I gave it some thought and decided, why not?

A week after we started dating, we met at a restaurant to see each other and spend some quality time together. Everything was pretty fine. However, after the date ended I started noticing inconsistencies in his communication. I was the one who initiated most of it. When I brought his attention to it he said, “I am not much of a talker, but for you, I will try.” I was surprised considering that he was the one who was always eager to talk to me when we first started talking.

While he was working on his communication issues, we arranged for me to visit him. We live in different towns so it was quite the trip. We had a good time talking, and bonding. It was beautiful. I took the opportunity to talk about his poor communication skills. This guy told me, “You watch too many movies. This is real life. Don’t hold me to the same standard as your onscreen boyfriends.”

I spent the night there but not with him. He left me alone in the house and went out with his friends. I didn’t see him again until the next morning. Although he sent a message telling me he would spend the night at his friend’s place, I still wasn’t pleased that he left me by myself on my first night there.

I had planned to leave at dawn without telling him. However, he locked me inside and left with the key. When he returned, he apologized for leaving me alone. We then had breakfast and traveled back to my home. Things were fine after the visit until he returned to his old ways of not communicating properly.

When I drew his attention to it again, he told me, “My dear, this is a relationship. It’s not a business transaction that I must constantly be in touch with you. Even transactions come to an end.” He went on to say that it was not compulsory for us to talk every day. All I wanted was for us to check in with each other at least once a day, yet he was acting as if I was expecting him to stay on the phone with me 24/7.

At this point, I decided to mentally check out of the relationship and made up my mind that if he wasn’t going to call or text again, I’d move on with my life. It was at that point that he reached out and apologized for being insensitive to my feelings.

Point to note, he had previously told me his mum was diagnosed with cancer and he was the one shouldering everything. So I made excuses for him that he was going through a lot. And I gave him a second chance. At some point, he seemed to have changed. He would call and constantly check up on me.

Then one afternoon he called and said he had been arrested day he was arrested by traffic police and they demanded 3500 Kenyan shillings. He said he only had ksh 1000. I also sent him ksh 1000 and told him that’s what I had at that moment. Later in the evening, he called to inform me that he’d been released.

Everything was okay after that. Then one day he called to tell me that his mum who had been admitted to the hospital for chemo was deteriorating and the doctors had ordered tests that cost ksh9500. He sounded deflated as he talked about how exhausting everything was. “I have to go to my father in the village so that we will plan what’s next.

I encouraged him to continue to remain strong and that he could always talk to me if he needed a listening ear. He chose that time to tell me, “I think we should take a break from the relationship. There is too much going on in my life right now.” I talked him out of it, with reassurances that I would stick with him through thick and thin. After all, what are lovers for?

At the end of the conversation, he asked me to loan him some money to use as transportation. “I will pay it back in two days,” he assured me. The amount he wanted was 2K but I gave him Ksh 1500. Remember, he hadn’t repaid the Ksh 1000 I sent him when he was arrested. This guy knew I was unemployed yet he didn’t have a problem taking my money. I was just surviving on my savings and my parents’ support, while he claimed he was a businessman. I have asked him several times what kind of business he does. Let’s just say he would do and say anything but answer the question.

After this incident, he would call me and text me daily. I even became concerned by his constant communication. It was unlike him so I got suspicious.

Two days passed but he didn’t pay back the money. I didn’t ask also. I believed he’d pay when he got the money. So while I waited, he would update me daily on his mum’s condition and situation. He informed me that the tests had been done and they were awaiting results.

Then one day he called again and informed me he was on his way to see his mother at the hospital and that the caretaker had called to ask for money to purchase adult diapers and that he didn’t have mobile money at the moment. I told him I didn’t have much in my mobile money app either. He then told me to send him what I had and that he’d refund me immediately he arrived at the hospital. I heeded his request and sent him Ksh 700.

The day passed but he didn’t refund the money as promised. However, I gave him time. We were in communication though. The next day, I reminded him of the money and he sent it. After this, I made a mental note to stop loaning him money since I was starting to question his behaviour.

What surprised me was, he didn’t seem like someone who was struggling in life to me. Yet he would call me sometimes requesting money to buy beer. Sometimes I would turn him down but he would say he would sleep hungry. I would feel bad and give it to him. Despite all this, everything between us was cool. He would still call and text to check up on me.

Then last Friday night he called and we talked. He then requested that I loan him Ksh 5000 so he could repay a bank loan he’d incurred. He said after repaying it, he would take another loan and pay me back by Saturday 2 pm. I told him I didn’t have that amount at the time but he begged me to get it, even if from a friend. He assured me he would repay it.

I agreed but I had told myself that I wouldn’t do it and would just tell him that I couldn’t get the money. Then on Saturday morning, he called and I knew it was about the money. He sent me his bank account details and requested I send the money there directly to avoid transaction costs.

I felt bad for him so I borrowed the money from a friend and sent it to him. When the next day arrived, he didn’t pay the money.

On Sunday we talked a bit in the morning and then when evening came, I started to tense up and sent him a text asking about the money. He replied and said he was going to call me back and then sent me a photo. I just said okay and waited for the call. It never came. Around 9:30 pm,  I called him, but he didn’t pick up.

I then texted him on WhatsApp. He saw it but he didn’t respond. I called again around 10 pm but no answer. At this point, I was so pissed that I texted him again stating my dissatisfaction. This was a friend’s money for crying out loud. Even though I was frustrated, I went to bed telling myself to give it time and that maybe he was held up and he would call the next day.

The next day I waited for his call but it never came. I called his number but it was switched off. I was raging at this point. I had a lot of scary thoughts in my mind. Yet I texted him on the messaging app asking if he was okay and that he should call me when he sees my message. The message was delivered and he saw it but he didn’t reply.

This went on until nightfall. When I didn’t get hold of him, I texted my friend and told them I wouldn’t be able to repay the loan as promised and requested some extra time to figure something out. I then texted this guy again on WhatsApp and asked what was going on. He didn’t reply but he had seen the messages.

It was at this point that I accepted that I had been conned. How else would I explain his behaviour? I went to bed very pained by everything.

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I couldn’t sleep that night. I would wake up in bouts of panic. I woke up at some point at dawn and texted him saying it was okay whatever he was doing. And that I was the foolish one for being too kind and that he should do whatever he deemed fit.

The next day was a Tuesday. At t noon, he replied to all my messages with a “Wuehh sawa”  which means “Oh okay.” That was his response after everything. I then asked him about his plans concerning the money. I didn’t hear back from him. I was so hurt. I was crying at this point.

He Woke Me Up At 2 am And Asked Me To Go To My Mother’s House

When I finally got hold of him, he told me would pay back my money after the funeral. The funeral? “whose funeral?” I asked him. He didn’t respond. He only assured me that he would repay the money. He claimed he wasn’t responding to my messages because he hadn’t been online.

I proceeded to talk to him however I deemed fit. I suspect the funeral he was talking about is his mum’s funeral (that’s if at all his stories were ever true.) My question now is, am I wrong? Am I being selfish for not feeling sorry for him at this point? Am I wrong for suspecting he is out for business and that I was just a business to him?

—Bonnie

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