She created a barrier between us so it was very difficult for me to reach her. She wouldn’t pick up my calls often and wouldn’t text back. I was trying to get her to know that I was different so each morning when she didn’t pick up my calls, I texted. Out of frustration, she asked what I wanted from her. “I’m not looking for too much,” I said. “I just want to know you.”

“What else after knowing me? Relationship, right? She asked and encouraged me to go straight to the point.

“Yes, that’s what I want but I’m not pushing for it. We can get to know each other better and then decide from there.”

That day we talked for hours. The walls were breaking down. And from the stories she was telling me, I realized she was breaking down her defences for me. She narrated the stories of her past relationships and how they ended. She said, “You men are relentless until you get what you want.” Even when I told her I was different, she shook her head and told me, “Different until you get what you want.”

We talked often from that day. She paid a surprise visit to my place. That same day, she took me to her house. I was excited about the way things were going. From not talking to me to seeing each other every day was such a great leap. Just when I felt we were making progress, she asked of my age. “I’m thirty-two years old,” I responded. She burst out laughing. “Thirty-two? And you’re pursuing me up and down? Are you looking for a mother or a girlfriend?”

She told me she was forty. I laughed it off. “You can’t be forty and you know it.” She quickly pulled out her purse and showed me her National ID. I looked at the image on the ID and looked at her face, trying to find something to disbelieve. It was true. She was forty going to forty-one. “Wow,” I said. She responded, “So you see, it’s not going to work, right?”

Before I could hit her with age is just a number, she retorted, “The gap is wide. I didn’t expect you to be too old but I didn’t also expect you to be this young. I’m sorry.”

Nothing about her looked forty. In my mind, she was in her late twenties or early thirties just like me but she proved she was too far gone. I loved her but her age and mine were a concern to us, especially her. We had a conversation. We agreed we were going to remain friends. She told me to recommend her to old men in my circle so she could also recommend me to women my age when one comes along.

We were good but didn’t talk everyday like we used to. Once in a while she passed by to say hello or called to check up on me. I also did the same thing every now and then. On my birthday she surprised me with a huge gift and topped it up with an outing. She paid for everything and later came to drop me off before she drove back home. The next morning when I called to thank her she told me she needed a favour from me.

“Go ahead. There’s nothing I won’t do for you,” I said.
She giggled and asked if I was sure. “You don’t even know what I’m going to ask. What if you can’t do it?”

I gave her the assurance that I would do everything once it was for her. She said, “I need a child.” I responded, “Ahuh?” She continued, “From you.”

“From who? Me? How?”

I thought it was a joke but she had everything figured out. She told me she was forty and couldn’t wait any longer for a man to enter her life and make everything alright. She wanted kids, a lot of them and from the way her stories were unfurling slowly, she might end up with no kid so I should do her the favour. I asked if we were going to date and get married. I asked what happens after the child. There were so many questions but the answer was only one. She wasn’t looking for a relationship. She only wanted me to sleep with her and get her pregnant.

“After that, I will take care of everything. I won’t call you the father. Nobody will know. It will be a secret we’ll take to the grave. Please don’t say no.”

READ ALSO: I Don’t Know If My Boyfriend Truly Loves Me Or He Is Just A Scammer?

I didn’t say no because I promised I would do everything for her. We’ve been at it for the past three months. It’s not romantic. We don’t even do it often. We do it only when she’s ovulating. We don’t kiss, we don’t touch, we don’t moan, just sex.

I’m doing this for her but anytime she sees her period, I tell myself, “Maybe this is God’s way of telling you to think about the whole thing again.” Yes, I’m willing to give her a child. She’s a good woman who deserves happiness and I’m here to give her that happiness but it’s the future after today that scares me. Sometimes well-laid plans fail. Feelings change. The weather changes; dry today, wet tomorrow. What if…


It’s the words after the “What if’ that keeps me awake at night. I will have a girlfriend who’ll someday become my wife. Will I tell her that I’m born one? What if feelings change and she gets bitter and decides to come after me with the baby? What if she begins asking me for money to take care of the baby? What if it becomes so overwhelming for her that she asks for my involvement in raising the child? What if…

Today, she doesn’t look like someone who’ll change her words and come after me. She tells me once she gets pregnant, she’ll relocate and I’ll decide if I want to see her or not but what if I grow fond of the baby? I’ve been thinking about it. I want to go through with it but I don’t want to go through with it. Yes, I love her but this is me giving a piece of me to her forever. Do you think it’s a good idea? Let’s say it won’t come to haunt me, but do you think I should do that for a woman who needs such help from me?

—Felix

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