It took her a very long time to accept my proposal because I wasn’t attending her church. According to her, her pastor would be very angry if she went ahead to date a man outside the church. I loved her, so I persisted. I didn’t only use words to say that I loved her. I backed it with actions and also gifts. I even attended her church on different occasions before she finally said yes.
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I understood why her pastor would insist that she marry someone in the church when I attended her church. She played about four roles the times I was there. She couldn’t even get time for me. After church, I had to wait for over an hour before she got the time to attend to me. The last time, she swore to me, but after church, I left with her.
Right from the onset, she wanted to introduce me to her pastor, but I asked her for time. Not that I wasn’t sure about her, but I wasn’t sure about what it would mean to be introduced to her pastor when I hadn’t even met her parents or family.
She insisted. I asked her to take it slowly. Several months after dating, she told me, “If you don’t come to meet Daddy, I would be forced to date someone in the church.” We laughed about it, and I even asked if there was a man in her church who could challenge my love for her. She answered, “No, there’s no one, but let’s do the right thing.”
One day, I attended her church, and she held me by the hand and pulled me to her pastor’s office. A very young and smallish pastor who looked like he was minted only yesterday. According to my girlfriend, the church belonged to his father, and because his father traveled a lot, he had become the overseer of the church. You know these one-man churches.
When she introduced me to the pastor, she said, “Daddy, this is the man I said had been chasing me around. I’m waiting for your blessings before I can start anything with him.”
We had dated for months. We’d had sex and dreams. There was nothing people in a relationship do that we hadn’t done. After the introduction, she winked at me to corroborate. He asked me, “Young man, are you serious about my daughter?” I nodded. He asked, “Are you following her to the church, or did you come to visit us?” I answered, “I haven’t decided, but I like it here, so maybe someday.”
He went on and on, telling me why they don’t allow their ladies to marry from outside and why it was important for the man and woman to belong to the same faith. While talking to us, another pastor joined. He was called Angel. He started asking hard questions about my life: “What work do you do?” “Don’t you have women in the church you belong to?” “Do you have kids with another woman that you didn’t accept responsibility for?”
When I finally left the office with her, I told her that was the last time she would see me in her church. I didn’t mind her being in that church, but there was no way I was going to join her.
Our relationship was close to a year old when she got pregnant. She was scared, but I was calm. She didn’t know what to do, but I knew what we were going to do. We had come a long way, and I was very sure about her. She had met my parents, and I also knew her parents. The two of us had agreed we would attend our individual churches when we got married. She even told me she was sure, along the line, she would join mine.
I told her, “Let’s get married. Let’s do something quickly before it begins to show.” She jumped and hugged me, thanking me for not putting her to shame.
We quickly met her parents and told them what had happened and added that we wanted to marry as soon as possible before the pregnancy began to show. They gave us their blessing and gave me a list of things to buy to marry her. It was very moderate, something I could stand on my feet and get in a day.
I think a week after the knocking rite, she spent a night at my place and forgot to take her phone. I didn’t notice it until I saw it ringing. When I picked it up, she said, “Yes, I wanted to be sure I left it there. I’m coming back for it.” I told her to go to the office and that I would pass by to deliver the phone to her. She said no, that she expected important calls.
Right after talking to her, a call came through from a name saved as Pastor Angel. I knew him, so I chuckled and put the phone down. He didn’t stop calling. Later, he started texting. In one of the notifications on her screen, he said, “Why are you not picking my calls? I hope it’s not because of that your silly boyfriend?”
“Is it me he’s calling silly?”
Another message in her notification read, “Since last night, I’ve been calling you. I’ll inform Daddy about your behavior.”
I waited for her to come to pick up her phone. When she arrived, I opened it and snatched it from her. It turned into a fight—a physical struggle—until I overpowered her and locked myself in the bathroom. She nearly broke the door, but by the time I came out, I had seen what I wanted to see. She stood there shaking. “Why are you reading my messages? Have I ever done that to you? Why would you do that?”
She could see clearly that I was shaking. In a conversation she had a day before, Pastor Angel was claiming the baby and had even threatened to collapse our marriage if we went ahead and got married without acknowledging him as the father of the baby she was carrying. My girlfriend sent a voice note telling him the baby had nothing to do with him, so he should stand aside before he embarrassed himself.
“Who is the pregnancy for?” I asked.
She burst into tears, saying I had read the messages out of context, so I should give her time to tell me the truth. She said Angel forced himself on her one day when she went to his house to serve him. He had wanted to marry her long ago, and she didn’t agree. It was the reason he did that, and she swore the baby was mine.
I told her father what I had discovered. I called Angel (I won’t add “pastor” to his name) and told him he could have her now that he had impregnated her.
Fast forward, we agreed on a DNA test to determine who the real father was. In February, everything came to an end. The child was indeed for Angel. It was also a lie when she said Angel forced himself on her. They had a thing going on even before I came into the picture, but she didn’t want to marry a pastor and also didn’t like Angel’s educational background. That’s why she allowed herself to sleep with him but didn’t want to marry him.
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I sprayed powder on my heart for the victory and wished her well. I told myself, “I should have known.” In my next attempt at love, I will avoid every woman who is married to the church. They are married to the church for a reason.
—Sasraku
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For the fact that yours didn’t go well doesn’t mean all Church women will do that. We still have women in the church as a blessing to both the church and the community who don’t have anything to do with either their church guys/ men or the pastor except strict church activities. And I would say charity begins at home but not everyone carries that charity into their public lives. Things happen and people change but she should have been honest with you. All the same you weren’t meant to be. Keep moving no time to be sad over certain things in life.
Omo, so people now stand before their parents and annouce they’re pregnant outside marriage. It’s becoming a tradition even in the sn-called christiam homes.
Anyway…
Premarital sex is a sin.
hmm, thank God the secret was revealed at the early stage
Yes not all church women but alll church ladies who treat their pastors as gods are like that, 3na my spiritual father, 3na Zaddy. They’re more concerned with worshipping the man instead of God. You actually tried kraa by meeting them(Pastors). I was asked to meet some once by a lady. I bolted before they arrived and that was the end of the relationship. Unless I am marrying you, I shouldn’t be meeting your pastors. What for
The Bible says that by their fruits you shall know them. A woman who was exceedingly active in her church, to the extent of playing four different roles in the church, but who was still comfortable while fornicating with you was never a Christian.
True Christianity is a function of the heart and mind, and the fear of the Lord is the central guiding principle. A woman who had the fear of God would never have had the confidence to continue playing multiple roles in church while living a life of sin and hypocrisy. A real church woman would not have insisted that you meet her pastor to bless your relationship while she comfortably tells blatant lies to the same pastor in your presence.
The problem is that nowadays, even the so called pastors neither seek nor yearn after the Lord. Most of them were called by themselves and not God which is why they boldly propound purulent and stupid doctrines which are clearly aimed at amassing church members while neglecting to feed them the true undiluted Word of God. Just imagine the failure of that useless pastor, it’s against your church doctrine for women to marry outside your church, meanwhile your pastor and a prominent worker in the church are busily fornicating unto pregnancy. It’s so bad that she’s even fornicating with multiple people.
A true pastor would not be surrounded by fornicators and liars, leading unholy lives while pretending to be pious. If the fool had concentrated on his own relationship with God instead of trying to police the personal lives of his members, then the Holy Spirit would have ministered the shameful truth to him.
The Bible does not prohibit you from marrying outside your own denomination. In an even more extreme case, the Bible doesn’t even prohibit you from marrying outside your religion. It explicitly states that people who are in interreligious marriages should remain in them, because they might be the instrument of their spouse’s conversion to Christianity. Can women like the sister in this story convert anyone? A big shame all around. Optics over substance.