When I was in junior high school, I had a friend whose mother sold waakye around town. Her mother knew me, so anytime I went to buy waakye, she gave me extra. When Memuna was the one selling the waakye, I didn’t pay for it. So on weekends, when all hope was lost and I had nothing to eat, I would pass by to see if it was Memuna selling. In fact, I prayed she would be the one selling. She would ignore the queue, serve me, and still not take money.

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No, she wasn’t my girlfriend. We were just friends. So after junior high, when I went to secondary school, I looked around for a friend like Memuna, someone who would give me free food and be a friend. It was hard until I met Efe. She came to our campus on weekends to sell kenkey.

I tried being her friend, but it was hard until I had to propose to her. She wasn’t in school. She was my age and had completed JHS, but her parents couldn’t afford to take her to SHS. When I proposed and she said yes, I always had kenkey for free on weekends and even on some weekdays.

My parents didn’t have money, and while I was in boarding school, I was always starving. Apart from the food served in the dining hall, I had nothing else to eat. My chop box had nothing I could “chop,” so I relied heavily on Efe for my sustenance.

Very soon, when I got to Form Two and could sneak out of school, I made friends with any girl who sold something I could eat. So I had a girlfriend who sold rice and stew, one who sold gari and beans, and another who sold fried yam and chofi at night. I would sneak out at night to see these girls and come back to school with food.

That kind of love wasn’t sexual, though I had the opportunity to be intimate with a few. It was mostly a “kids in love” kind of arrangement. I didn’t consider their beauty or intelligence, you only had to sell food to qualify.

At the training college, I did the same thing. I dated about five ladies at the same time, and they all sold something. I had grown older. The women I dated expected a lot from me so it was harder to juggle these relationships, but I did my best so I could get food and use the little money I had to buy books, pay for hostel fees, or handle other school-related expenses.

It got to a point where it became very difficult to keep up. These women would clash, and I would try to run away from them, but they didn’t leave me. I was in training school, and that increased my value in their eyes, so instead of fighting me, they fought each other.

After school, I prayed and told myself I would keep only one girlfriend in my life. I met Erica. She was a nurse in the village where I was posted. It was very hard to get her to say yes, but I tried my best. She had issues with the fact that I was a teacher. She also said my tribe might affect our future because her parents would oppose our relationship.

I still pushed until she said yes. You would think I had suffered enough to get her so I would finally settle but no. I still needed someone who sold food to complement her. I met a lady who sold kelewele. I don’t even like kelewele that much, but she made mine special with groundnut paste and gizzard. It was a “love story without suffering.” Then Akos came along. She moved from house to house hawking whatever was in season.

She was my biggest mistake, but I learned a lesson; “Never date a hawker.” Because she didn’t have a fixed shop, it was easy for her to come to my house. Sometimes she would leave her food outside my house and come in to be with me while still attending to customers who called her.

She clashed with Erica. She felt Erica was using her profession to take what belonged to her. That day, I couldn’t separate the fight alone. Erica wasn’t fighting back, but Akos wouldn’t stop until I pulled Erica away and others helped me remove Akos from the house. I lost Erica that day. Nothing I said could make her love me again.

Akos wouldn’t leave, even after I told her I didn’t love her anymore. She apologized with food and cleaning. She would come and clean for me even when I didn’t speak to her. She kept bringing her food to sell at my place until I told her the landlord didn’t allow it. I had to leave the village before I could end that relationship.

I’m a grown man now, working and earning something worthwhile, but living a life without a woman who sells food is very difficult for me. I can have the most beautiful woman who fits my status as an SHS tutor, yet I still find myself drawn to women who sell food.

Currently, I’m dating a very beautiful lady, Charlotte, who is also a teacher in another town. We have been dating for one year, and everything shows we might get married. But I’m also dating another lady here on campus who sells food for the students. She has money and her own house, but she didn’t go to school. She would do anything for me and listens to everything I say without question. She qualifies to be a wife, but her educational background and the way she carries herself make me hesitate to consider her as wife material. She’s even older than me.

There’s another one in town, Mavis. She owns a whole fast-food joint, like a food mall where you can get anything to eat. She would stop everything she’s doing just to be with me. If I ask her not to sell food for days and stay with me, she would. She also didn’t go to school and has two children from two different men.

All these women were there before Charlotte came along. I want to settle down with Charlotte, but my problem is how to stay with her alone and not be drawn to women who sell food. It feels like a curse running through my blood. I feel like life is incomplete without them, and without them, I might face hunger again.

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I’m afraid to be without a woman who sells food by my side because I have experienced hunger before, and I know how much people like that saved me and brought me comfort. Maybe I need therapy, or maybe I need divine help to pull away from this pattern, or else I might remain like this forever. Life is already hard, but this is making it harder for me. Maybe I’m just a bad person, and I hope prayer will help me change before I finally settle with Charlotte.

—Jack 

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